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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To buy one baby gift

27 replies

itsmeitscathy · 03/01/2015 01:34

I'm not sure about the etiquette here and if I'm being unreasonable.

Going to a baby shower - I intend to give a gift there and a card once the baby arrives but not another gift. Is this unreasonable?

OP posts:

katandkits · 03/01/2015 01:36

I think it is fair enough although another option is two lower value gifts.

Discopanda · 03/01/2015 02:00

That seems perfectly reasonable, at my baby shower with DD my friends brought along presents then, my mum brought along something for me to open then but bought other things as well because she's GM

opalstones · 03/01/2015 02:02

I thought the whole point of a baby shower, was that it was towards the end of the pregnancy, and people can give their 'you've have a baby, congrats' gifts then.

Sod two presents. Thats seriously grabby.

Amy106 · 03/01/2015 02:36

Your plan sounds perfectly reasonable.

CallMeExhausted · 03/01/2015 04:31

Unless the recipient has a "registry" with specific wishes, I can tell you that the most appreciated gift I got when DS was born was a box of consumable items - nappies, wipes, baby bath, and a couple of nice smellies for me.

Frankly, a gift at the shower is plenty, and a card when the baby arrives. Otherwise, a little gift or offer of help (a cooked meal, load of laundry or round of washing up) would not go awry, either.

That is, of course, if you are that close to the mum.

icklekid · 03/01/2015 04:38

We didn't get 2 gifts from anyone nor have I ever given 2!

musicalendorphins2 · 03/01/2015 04:58

That is perfectly reasonable. :)

Bulbasaur · 03/01/2015 05:06

Well, in the US (which is where you guys borrowed the idea from) baby showers are the only gift time for baby. It's to get all your supplies so you know what to buy before the baby gets here. You don't get gifts after the birth.

If she wants to do a baby shower, that's awesome. But she shouldn't expect gifts after the baby is born as well.

So yes, I'd do a nice gift and a card when the baby is born.

steff13 · 03/01/2015 05:10

Agree with Bulbasaur, we only give one gift, at the shower. If it's a friend who is close enough that I would visit her in the hospital, I usually take her a small gift for herself after the baby is born, but nothing else for the baby.

AnotherGirlsParadise · 03/01/2015 05:11

Baby showers - when thrown by the expectant mum - are grabby full fucking stop. They make me really uncomfortable, as you're expected to give a gift and I'd personally much rather give one off my own back without an invitation. Don't even get me started on registries - I've seen some gobsmackingly greedy ones with stuff like buggies and car seats.

If you want to give a gift, make it something like nappies and consumables, like CallMeExhausted said.

steff13 · 03/01/2015 05:18

Oh, an expectant mother should not throw herself a shower; it should be thrown by her sister or friend, someone like that. The purpose of a shower is to "shower" the expectant mother with the things she will need for the baby, so I think registeries are fine. Usually friends go in together to purchase the larger items, or family buys them.

AnotherGirlsParadise · 03/01/2015 05:25

steff13, I've known several expectant mums to throw their own showers, and they all expected HUGE gifts. That's probably why I'm not keen on the whole thing! Also, my mum is French, and in France it's considered unlucky to buy a baby gifts before it's born - like tempting fate.

meditrina · 03/01/2015 07:37

"I've known several expectant mums to throw their own showers, and they all expected HUGE gifts."

Well, that is horridly grabby. Not because it's a shower but because it breaks the normal ways of doing a shower.

a) honouree should never be host (or else it's 'gimme')
b) 'shower type gift' means small

Also, a register is naff. The host may need to do some discreet coordination to avoid excessive duplicates. But as presents are small, and only closest friends would be invited, then an actual register really is overkill.

PrettyLittleMitty · 03/01/2015 07:48

Hate baby showers, to me they are grabby and put too much pressure on guests to part with cash. One gift is perfectly reasonable, either at the shower or after birth, whichever you wish.

If anyone presented me with an expensive registry they would get naff all!

GingerbreadPudding · 03/01/2015 07:56

I'm not having a baby shower as I think it's horribly grabby and attention seeking. However, if I was bought a gift pre-baby for any reason is be embarrassed if the giver then got me another one when the baby arrived. I think it's good to get any gifts before so you know what you might need to get yourself but honestly I won't even notice if people don't get baby anything. I'll be happy with a visitor who can put a kettle on.

Panzee · 03/01/2015 07:57

I've just been to one baby shower, I gave a gift then and got mum some cake when the baby was born.

Panzee · 03/01/2015 07:59

Actually, now I think back the baby shower gifts were things like one pack of nappies, one pack of wipes, a tube of Sudocrem. Nothing too ridiculous.

I suppose it depends on the mum to be or person throwing the shower!

honeysucklejasmine · 03/01/2015 08:09

At the showers I've been to (or the "sprinkle" for second time mum's) the host (not the mother to be) asks people for a small contribution and then goes shopping on everyone's behalf. Its brill. No pressure to spend loads, no need to go shopping, no duplicate presents! One lady is particularly good at making "nappy cakes" so we usually make one of them stuffed full of clothes and newborn toys.

At a sprinkle it is much less. Mostly consumables. If the gender is know and it is different from the existing children, we might get some gender specific clothes etc.

Mostly its about the silly games, predicting due dates, gender, weight, etc as well as suggesting names and giving advice.

Once the baby is born we create a food rota and take it in turns to bring the new family dinner. This spreads out visitors as people often wait until they take a meal round, and means that no cooking is required for a fortnight or so. It's nice to do something practical rather than drown them in toys the baby is too small for etc.

Whowillsaveyoursoul · 03/01/2015 08:28

I always end up giving two gifts but it pains me!
It ends up costing me £40 instead of £20.

LokiBear · 03/01/2015 08:48

I've been to loads of showers (but didn't have one myself - not my thing) and in my experience the mum to be just wants to have a party to celebrate. I've never experienced anything grabby, and just taken along a little outfit that I would have bought anyway. So, one gift from me. The mum to be has always been grateful. You could always write ' I hope baby looks cute in the outfit/ is enjoying using the xxxx' in your card if you are worried they might not remember you have already bought gift when the baby arrives.

Marylou2 · 03/01/2015 08:56

Oh I love a baby showers but it seems I'm in the minority. I didn't have one myself but I've enjoyed others.I take a gift for the mother to be,Usually organic bath products or something like that. Baby gift when the baby is born. If you don't enjoy them, don't go!

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/01/2015 09:00

I never expected gifts when I had my dc either before or after.

I did have gifts for the baby which was a nice surprise.

PowderMum · 03/01/2015 09:22

Went to a shower recently for a mum who already had older children born before baby showers were done over here. It was a surprise afternoon tea with just her close friends very sophisticated. The only present was a nappy cake contribution £10. I will also give a present once the baby is here.

On the other hand my SIL for her 2nd child had a full on grabby baby shower organised by herself with silly games etc. if I hadn't bought two presents she would have created a scene.

bubalou · 03/01/2015 09:37

It depends how close you are.

An option I like to do from being a mum and knowing how many bloody baby grows I ended up with is to get the mum a little gift for the shower and the baby one after or vice versa.

Flowers, some nice toiletries to pamper with etc.

The muma usually appreciate and are surprised they get something nice.

Original poster

itsmeitscathy · 03/01/2015 12:08

Glad I'm not being hugely unreasonable! It's January so I'm seriously broke....I'm not a fan of registries (other than for weddings) so I'm just going to buy something that it's acceptable to have more than one of!

OP posts:

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