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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy something nice for my daughtere boyfriend

51 replies

ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 19:07

hi. my daughters bf is 18. i feel bad for him all he got from his parents was 30.00 and from family 1 pair of boxers and 3 of them small size selection packs. his parents smoke and gamble. and often contact me asking for money. i have always said no. because i know they get quite a bit of money but they gamble/smoke it away... anyway i feel really bad for him. so i was going to treat him to something nice at new year. but part of me is not sure if its such a good idea.

and if i do get him anything i have to make sure its not something that can be pawned...

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 27/12/2014 19:09

Many lads of his age don't even get what he got! It's hardly a great haul but it's not bad.

If you want to get him a little something do it.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2014 19:11

I don't really know why you're asking?

Marmiteandjamislush · 27/12/2014 19:23

How Long have they been a couple? If it's not long, it would be odd for me.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 19:28

they been together just under a year. he stays here about 4/day nights a week just gos home 2 or 3 nights.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 19:29

oops i meant to say he stays here 4/5 nights a week

OP posts:
christmashope · 27/12/2014 19:29

I think its a lovely idea x

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2014 19:29

If you want to buy him a present, do so.

JeanSeberg · 27/12/2014 19:30

Did you not get him a small present for Christmas?

LadyLuck10 · 27/12/2014 19:31

Surely this is better to discuss with your daughter?

madsadbad · 27/12/2014 19:32

You are being totally unreasonable.

MrsTawdry · 27/12/2014 19:32

What Jean said. Didn't you buy him something for Christmas?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 19:32

yeah i will discuss it with her....

OP posts:
thenightsky · 27/12/2014 19:34

Get the lad something. You are obviously fond of him and it would be a nice way to show him you like him.

You sound lovely Smile

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 27/12/2014 19:35

Do whatever feels right to you. It's nice to have a good relationship with your dcs dps and that you care about them. I got taken under the wing of a number of older friends, throughout a traumatic adolescense and that other people cared, when those who should have didn't, meant the world to me Smile

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 19:35

sorry.. yes daughter bought him a pair of ear phones. and i bought him a onsie...

maybe im thinking in the wrong way. his parents take money of him dont pay him back and pawns his stuff. i think i was hoping xmas might be a bit better for him... maybe im being a cow. dont know.

OP posts:
Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/12/2014 19:36

They have been together pretty much a year and he practically lives with you. Your daughter presumably loves him.

My question is why haven't you got him something already?!

Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 27/12/2014 19:36

maybe I'm being a cow

I'm confused. Why would you say that?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 19:38

thenightsky and procrastina... thank you that was a really nice thing to say and never thought about it that way. sod it think i will just do it.

OP posts:
PoppyAmex · 27/12/2014 19:39

I'm with Enjoying; this boy lives with you 4 days a week and you're not sure if you should get him something?

annielouisa · 27/12/2014 19:42

Why not buy him something in the Sales. I am sure ifvyou chat with your DD you will come up with a plan. His DP do not sound very nice.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 19:43

enjoy my cooffee... i did get him a onsie and daughter got him head phones. just token gifts really to acknowledge xmas. but then i felt bad when he said what he got and he said the only proper things he got was what he got from me and dd. but then maybe im comparing what he got to my kids and others i know. and i should not really do that...

maybe im being a cow... the reason he did not get much is because of the smoking/gambling mainly the gambling. but then gambling is an addiction

OP posts:
BackforGood · 27/12/2014 19:49

Not sure why this is in AIBU, but I think it is odd to go out and try to "compensate" for his family, now, after Christmas.
You did get him a present.
He did also get some things from his family - it might not be the same as you do in yours, but all families are different.
I think it would be very strange to now (after Christmas) go out and buy him a late present in order to make up for the fact he didn't get what he would have got if he were your ds.

That said, if you were out shopping and saw a nice top in the sales or something, you could always get him something like that and say you couldn't resist / it was a bargain / you saw it and thought it would really suit him / etc., but that's a bit different from suddenly thinking (after Christmas) you should get him more Christmas presents.

SunshineAndShadows · 27/12/2014 19:57

I also had a rough childhood - just apathetic parents. Fortunately I had a wonderful support network in my best friend and boyfriend's families and basically lived between their two houses. What meant the world to me were little token things their parents did, like buying my favourite flavour of pizza or ice cream as a treat, or picking up a top or pair of slippers for me when they bought their own kids stuff. It really made me feel as if I had 'family' that knew me. To this day my best friend's mum buys my favourite perfume for me each Christmas. My own mum wouldn't have a clue what my favourite perfume is!

Original poster
ghostspirit · 27/12/2014 20:03

sunshine thats really sad but its also ace that you had people/friends that were there for you to.

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 27/12/2014 20:16

If he's living with you, he's practically family at this point. I'd get him something if it's within your budget.

My parents got DH (BF at the time) presents to make sure he felt welcome when I brought him home for the holidays.

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