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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to vent rather than ask if IABU because I know I am not.

38 replies

Nothavingfunrightnow · 27/12/2014 17:47

My dad's partner bought me a top for Christmas. As I was opening it, she said she had made a mistake with it and I would see what she meant once it was opened.

The top was about 2 sizes too small. She said she thought it was too small when she boùght it for me, but she did not want to insult me by getting a bigger size.

How can you insult someone by getting them something that fits them?

I am fat- no two ways about it. So why the fuck buy me clothing in the first place when you KNOW it is going to be too small, then follow that up with a comment that getting me a size that WOULD fit me, would be insulting??

She said I could either see if I could fit into it at a later date or I could give it away.

Urgh. Other than that she was fairly well behaved while she was at ours.

(I cannot exchange the top as they live some distance from us and the label of the top had been cut out. I have no idea where she bought it.)

OP posts:
SuzySheepSmellsNice · 27/12/2014 17:49

Just give it back to her. What a passive-aggressive bitch.

LadyLuck10 · 27/12/2014 17:51

Maybe she didn't want to offend you by getting the large size just in case that would offend if it doesn't fit.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 27/12/2014 17:53

Why would I be offended if a larger size did not fit me? Do you mean in case I was upset that she thought I was "that" big?

OP posts:
maddy68 · 27/12/2014 17:54

I don't think she meant anything by it, I think she bought it, your dad said it was too small, she didn't want to insult you by buying a larger size and just messed the whole thing up. Take it back

makapakasdirtysponge · 27/12/2014 17:56

Why not post a photo of it here, we might be able to work out what shop it is from. Then you could eBay it with more details and buy yourself something nice from the proceeds. It is weird but might not be malicious.

PoshPenny · 27/12/2014 17:59

My goodness, she sounds lovely. Sounds passive aggressive to me, from the way you describe it. If she's cut out the label so you can't exchange/return, then I would be minded to post it back to her with an oh so polite but snotty letter saying its of absolutely no use to you, and no point in you keeping it.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 27/12/2014 17:59

If she knew it wasn't going to fit you before she gave to you then she's been stupid. And cutting out the label is even more stupider (if that's a word) wasting her time and yours, what a silly woman she sounds.

Bung it in a charity shop.

VenusRising · 27/12/2014 17:59

Send it back to her, with thanks for the thought.

Buying presents is such a minefield, especially clothes, but her comment was a bit odd!

However, unless you want to escalate everything, I'd just return it to her and thank her for it.

Ask her for a voucher next time!

LadyLuck10 · 27/12/2014 18:00

Yes op exactly that. It seems like an easy mistake to make.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 27/12/2014 18:03

I cannot take it back because the label has been cut out. I think it may have been from an outlet or chsrity shop (not bothered in the slightest by that!). So even if someone could identify where it was from, I could not return it.

Thanks for the suggestion, anyway. I just wanted to let off a but of steam, really. She is not the kindest or most gentle of souls, so I reckon SuzySheep's assessment is pretty much on target.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 27/12/2014 18:03

If it is only two sizes too small, why not make it your aim to be in it by summer?

ExitPursuedByABear · 27/12/2014 18:05
Xmas Shock
Mammanat222 · 27/12/2014 18:07

Are they short of cash? Did she maybe go to one of those clothes shops that sell rejects / seconds and had to make do with what they had? Not sure what size you are OP but maybe she just got the biggest she could.

How are gifts and your relationship with this woman is general?

Islander79 · 27/12/2014 18:07

Calleigh - not everyone who is fat wants to lose weight... you know that, right?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/12/2014 18:10

Calleigh if op ends up with one item of clothing that fits and a whole wardrobe that doesn't, that's not likely to be very convenient. OP YANBU, what a weird thing for Her to do/say.

Pancakeflipper · 27/12/2014 18:11

Wasn't there a thread on here before Christmas about someone who had a bought a too small for a friend because they thought she'd be offended if given a size that fitted (or Have I been having MN dreams where I invent threads and arguments?)

SaucyJack · 27/12/2014 18:13

Whether she meant well or not, it was a silly thing to do. She's wasted her money and you haven't got a "proper" present.

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 27/12/2014 18:17

Don't let her upset you, she needs to find something more constructive to do with her time...

LoisHatesChristmas · 27/12/2014 18:21

She shouldn't have bought clothing in the first place. Or been more subtle. I have a family member who struggles to get clothes in their size and ends up wearing the same stuff all the time. (Their words). Usually I don't buy them clothes as I am clueless to what size they are so this year I just came right out and asked if they would like a jumper for Christmas and if so to text their size and preferred colour. They were delighted.

LoisHatesChristmas · 27/12/2014 18:23

Op chuck it in the charity bin and buy yourself some wine! Grin

ShadowSuperNova · 27/12/2014 18:26

Deliberately buying an item of clothing that you know will be too small as a gift is ridiculous.

If you're worried that buying an item of clothing in a larger size (but the correct size) will cause offence, then why on earth wouldn't you get a gift voucher for clothes shop x instead? Or at the very least, include a receipt so that the clothing you know to be the wrong size can be exchanged?

This approach does sound very thoughtless at best.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 27/12/2014 18:26

LoishatesChristmas, bloody good idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 27/12/2014 18:27

My thoughts exactly, ShadowSuperNova.

OP posts:
RoganJosh · 27/12/2014 18:30

It's odd that there's no label. I wonder if she found it in a cheap shop o r outlet and thought it might do, so was being stingy rather than making a comment on your size.

Micah · 27/12/2014 18:31

I have to say though, I hate it when people ( my mother) buys me clothes a size too big.

I'm a size 12 and she always buys me tops and dresses in a 14, and I do find it insulting, tbh.

Because shop sizes aren't standard mostly you have to judge by eye. A 14 might be fine in one shop but massive in another.

Maybe she's guessed at the size, held it up and figured it would fit, then when she saw her in person realised it wouldn't. My mil does this with my kids, she'll buy the 9 year old an age 7 top and say "but it looked big enough in the shop" when she can't get it over her head.

Just to give the benefit of the doubt :)
Sounds like she's got it from a charity shop or somewhere odd so I'd recycle it and think no more.

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