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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate people being late with no explanation

44 replies

manchestermummy · 26/12/2014 12:16

Something happens, you end up running late, people are human. You have a working phone, drop them a text, all fine.

We have put on a buffet for MIL and SIL. Dc are starving. They live 20 minutes away.

Is some indication that they might be late too much to ask? Their excuse is my baby niece but we have always managed to be on time even when our dc were very small.

I am cross.

OP posts:
VitalStollenFix · 26/12/2014 12:18

Let the children eat something.
when they arrive, do not be apologetic about the fact the children ate.

I hate lateness. It isn't hard to be on time.

WooWooOwl · 26/12/2014 12:23

Lateness doesn't bother me as long as it's not too excessive, but I wouldn't put everything on hold for people who are late if it was going to make a difference to anyone else.

I agree with letting your children eat now, surely that's the beauty of a buffet?

LadyintheRadiator · 26/12/2014 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProbYou · 26/12/2014 12:31

I never was late. I then got fed up of people like your Inlaws. I thought you know what they have no respect for me I will not show them any. I just got on with what I wanted to and turned up when I fancied to their house. They didn't like it and didn't have a leg to stand on. They were so used to my good time keeping it really threw them.

I don't have anything to do with them anymore. The poor time keeping was indicitative of them having no respect for me in general and I didn't like the fact I was turning into them and behaving all tit for tat around them. I prefer being me and behaving like me.

Bonsoir · 26/12/2014 12:35

I have people showing up unexpectedly for meals to which they were not invited...

Marshpillow · 26/12/2014 12:37

Agree with the pp who mentioned lack of respect. My dad has no respect for our time and regularly arrives late or cancels with little notice. I finally found the confidence to tell him he was being disrespectful and I haven't heard from him since.
So no YANBU, they are rude as fuck.

charliewolf · 26/12/2014 12:49

Agree with pps, just start without them, that's what I do every time now and enjoy seeing their faces when they do deign to turn up!

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 26/12/2014 12:52

I used to get really worked up by lateness but now it rarely bothers me. But I don't wait for latecomers, proceed as planned and they can join in when they arrive.

OttiliaVonBCup · 26/12/2014 12:58

It's incredibly rude.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2014 13:16

Lunch was presumably for a pre-arranged time, so that is when lunch is. lf they are late that is their problem and there is no reason to delay everyone else's lunch. Your DC are 'starving' Grin, lunchtime has arrived, let them loose on the buffet. Your MIL/SIL can eat when they finally deign to arrive, maybe having less choice on the buffet (should everyone else empty some of the plates) will point out to them that being on time is not only the polite and respectful thing to do, but is also to their advantage.

SolitudeSometimesIs · 26/12/2014 13:22

We had this for Christmas Day breakfast. My side were late due to a blown tyre on their car. I got a quick phone call and was told to start without them. IL's were 35 mins late with no explanation or phonecall. It used to boil my blood, now I let the kids eat when things are ready. If it was important to people that we all eat together they should show up on time.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/12/2014 13:24

Yes it's rude.

Let your dc's eat.

Trills · 26/12/2014 13:27

Yanbu.

People who are late should at least have the good grace to act embarrassed about it.

bonzo77 · 26/12/2014 13:35

Crack On with your plans. Let the kids eat. Fuck it, you eat too. The PIL can eat cold food if there's any left.

We are due to meet my PIL now (due 3 mins ago). I'm sitting on the sofa waiting for dh to take the initiative. We are sooooo late, but after years of their crappy time keeping (and DH's) I don't care. Especially as I don't want to see them anyway, and we have to leave at a certain time so dh can get to a football match.

Quitethewoodsman · 26/12/2014 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 26/12/2014 13:52

Tbh op a buffet at noon on Boxing Day for people without kids is a bit early isn't it ?

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 26/12/2014 13:53

We'd only just had breakfast at 12pm

& I've got two kids !

Trills · 26/12/2014 15:54

I'd agree that 12 is early, but you could mention that at the time you're invited, not just say "yes" while knowing that you'll be late.

Pradaqueen · 26/12/2014 16:10

Op I feel your pain my parents were an hour and a half late yesterday for Xmas day lunch. You are not being unreasonable. dD phoned to say really sorry we've not left yet but are leaving in ten mins and that was 30 mins after they should've arrived. They arrived another 30mins after the suggested revised time of arrival. No explanation from my mum (who is a narc) except she seemed quite surprised that she had yo sit down straightaway and eat. My Dad was really embarrassed as he is a very punctual man. I had to leave my starter mid way through as main course needed attention (exactly why I had planned a leisurely dinner in the first place to avoid that). DM then proceeds to tell how she'd had a 'lovely morning with next door woman' (apparently like a third daughter to her-wtf?) and then my Dad revealed my mum (who has been retired 20yr) was wrapping presents before they left. Every fucking year she either expects me to go to the shops Xmas eve because the other 363 days if the year are not enough warning to herself ready. Bloody rude and bloody attention seeking. Next year I'm away.....

Froggio · 26/12/2014 16:25

Love all these suggestions to just make a start if people are late with no explanation. I will make this my New Years resolution - be done with these rude people who are late and just crack on with my plans. I can forgive those who have very small children but in my experience it's usually the same people who are just disorganised and/or don't think about anyone apart from themselves.

ihatethecold · 26/12/2014 17:04

I hate lateness.
So so rude.
Like their time is more important than yours.
I have many friends like this it's become a joke.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2014 17:32

YANBU

My DH's family all suffer from an inability to be on time. Worse, they don't realise that turning up to a restaurant 40 mins after the table is booked with no explanation is outrageously rude.

I'm a very punctual person, i hate it.

40somethingwonderful · 26/12/2014 17:35

YANBU

I am very punctual and have various family members who are not, I do not mind if I receive a text to say running late, but when we invite family round for a meal at 1-1.30 and they arrive at 2.15 without an explanation it used to annoy me, now I ask for them to be here 45 mins before I actually need them :)

queenofthepirates · 26/12/2014 17:43

YANBU, of the 8 guests we invited to Christmas day, one arrived spot on time, two begged for another 30 minutes, one turned up 90 minutes late and brought an unexpected friend (which is fine, can't get my knickers in a twist), the final three didn't arrive only texting at 4.30pm to say their kid had just woken up and 'Merry Christmas!'. Suffice to say the last three won't be invited again especially after I dashed round the shops on xmas eve to buy their sleeping kid an effing present.

mamafridi · 26/12/2014 17:49

Lateness drives me around the bend!!! But I'm wondering whether punctuality is now considered a bit anal because it seems I'm inthe minority and if I comment on someone being late they look at me as if I'm the rude one for mentioning it...wtf!!