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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate people being late with no explanation

44 replies

manchestermummy · 26/12/2014 12:16

Something happens, you end up running late, people are human. You have a working phone, drop them a text, all fine.

We have put on a buffet for MIL and SIL. Dc are starving. They live 20 minutes away.

Is some indication that they might be late too much to ask? Their excuse is my baby niece but we have always managed to be on time even when our dc were very small.

I am cross.

OP posts:

LL12 · 26/12/2014 18:03

Mamafridi, unfortunately you might be right in what you are wondering judging by a thread last week were it would appear that saying the word "please" is now considered as rude by many people.

What a sad world we now live in.

MehsMum · 26/12/2014 18:22

Just start without them... I was at a pre-Christmas get-together where some of the guests were utterly disorganised and late, all the the DC were famished... so we all started at the time agreed and the late-comers had to sort themselves out when they arrived.

People being late drive me nuts (unless they have a cast-iron reason). If we've been up hours cooking and cleaning, the least they can do is arrive punctually. If you get stuck in traffic, then you send a quick text and a 'sorry': it's not hard.

So YANBU at all.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 26/12/2014 18:28

What was the thread that says saying please is rude now?!

Biscetti · 26/12/2014 18:34

It's bloody rude. Can't bear persistent lateness and there really is no excuse for it. I don't bother inviting people over who are like this, including one of my brothers.

LL12 · 26/12/2014 19:10

PamDoveOrangeJoof, it was a thread where people were saying it was rude to say "Excuse Me Please", apparently saying the word "Please" is considered rude and aggressive, Whatever next?

holeinmyheart · 26/12/2014 21:50

We are a mixed family of some who are 'Last Minute. com' and some who would be on the platform two days before the train comes in. Having been a stress head for most of my life fuming and fretting over lateness, I have completed a ' Mindful' course and now am going for the ' don't give a s* option.
I have catered for a variation of 9 to 22 over the Christmas period and I didn't lose my rag once. Instead of trying to herd everyone into a box of my own making and keep to an agenda, again of my own making, I just stopped and went with the flow. If anyone was late, I said there are the plates, there is the stuff, help your self. Their lateness was not my responsibility.
It was an extremely energising attitude.
People who are habitually late are not like me, but then half the world are not like me, so I am going to chill and not worry. If the meal gets spoilt and cold they can eat it as it is. I shall be lying on the sofa relaxing after my nicely cooked meal.
So to answer your question, is it rude to be late.... Yes it is, but some people view lateness differently.

BreakfastAtStephanies · 26/12/2014 22:27

Yes yes to LadyInTheRadiator and PradaQueen and the OP.
My PILs turned up also an hour late yesterday. They live 0.25 miles away. I fumed inwardly, turned the roast potatoes down, hit the sherry, smiled when they got here. Dished up 10 minutes after they arrived. To complete my festive joy they collected a present on Christmas Eve which I had bought for them to give to my DH ( their son ) and despite knowing the cost have not paid me back when they collected it nor yesterday. It's £ 33 but that is sooo not the point.

SoonToBeMrsB · 26/12/2014 23:19

My best friend once told me to 'man up' when I complained about her being half an hour late. I've now stopped asking when people are late after another good friend admitted that she missed her bus because she needed a poo just as she was leaving the house

Lateness is my pet hate, it's so rude.

SoonToBeMrsB · 26/12/2014 23:20

Why, not when...

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 27/12/2014 01:48

I detest lateness. It's fucking rude and drives me mad.

It's a pet hate of mine if you hadn't of already guessed

I would've let the kids eat too, why should they wait.

people who are late should at least have the good grace to be embarrassed about it

I could not agree more with that^^

But amazingly, not to mention annoyingly, when they do finally show up it's all oh isn't it great we're here now!

Well fuck you you late rude fuckers!!

Wonc · 27/12/2014 02:37

MIL leaves her house at the time she is due to arrive and finds being late amusing.
I'm used to it now and prepare meals that can held off, but it used to drive me crazy - especially the time I made a soufflé.

Wonc · 27/12/2014 02:38

Can be held off.

passthedouche · 27/12/2014 02:54

I HATE lateness. I have four kids so I get it is hard to get out of the house sometimes, but I have two friends who consistently turn up an hour or an hour and a half late. This is on neutral turf like a park or a playcentre. Drives me and the kids batshit crazy. I try and be late as I know I will always be waiting, but I just can't do it. Even 20 minutes and I feel rude worrying about 'just in case'. I am always left waiting though and we just get on with playing and enjoying ourselves knowing they will be along later. Grrr...

MrsMcTavish · 27/12/2014 09:00

I'm pretty sure others have said this on here before, but the thing that you have to do with latecomers is to carry on with your plans and make things inconvenient for the latecomer, rather than inconvenient for you.

My friend was always late to meet me whenever we met in town - sometimes by up to an hour - and so I stopped waiting for her and instead carried on shopping, having a coffee, or whatever it was that I fancied doing. She would then have to come and find me in town rather than at our meeting place. Also, just because she was late it didn't mean that I was prepared to stay out any longer than I originally planned, so sometimes after 20 minutes or half an hour of her arriving I'd head home.

I am also friends with a group of women, and amongst those is a one who is always saying how busy she is, and is always late. Basically she believes her time is more important than everyone else's time. We all used to sit and wait for her in restaurants, or go and see later films because she was late, but now we just carry on without her. If she wants to miss part of a film, or arrive as we're all finishing our starters that's up to her, but it used to really piss me off when we all sat and waited for her.

siblingrevelryagain · 27/12/2014 09:41

I also can't abide lateness-agree it's the height of rudeness and disrespect.

Having had/got 3 young children I don't think it's an excuse. The worst in my family for lateness are those without kids. You have to be a certain type of organised when you have kids, so as long as bags are packed/toilets visited and nappies changed etc in plenty of time it should be more than possible to be on time.

Persistently late people don't have the 10 min contingency that punctual people do-so even if there is a last minute vomiting incident there's still time to deal with it and be on time (or at least not spectacularly late). I have friends who just assume they'll get leeway because everyone knows they have small children, so it takes the responsibility away from them in having to try-therefore they don't even try to be on time.

At the risk of sounding like a 1950's school marm, I think punctuality no longer has emphasis-I see the same parents being late taking their kids to school everyday, and as far as I'm aware there aren't any consequences. I'd like to see punctuality added into the fining system for persistently offending parents (far more important than taking child out of school for a few days in my opinion).

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/12/2014 09:45

I'm used to it now and prepare meals that can held off,

Or you could just all sit down to eat at the allotted time so that she gets the message that she is not the queen and will miss the food completely if she doesn't sort herself out.

Original poster

manchestermummy · 27/12/2014 10:30

Well, they did turn up so we didn't go hungry . I reckon they left 10 minute after they were due at ours. So not horrendously late I concede but late nonetheless.

They have form. Sil was once 2 hours late for Christmas dinner and went ballistic when we fed our 4 yo and 1 yo. So these days we actually do wait so they can see what happens. I had hoped she might improve now that she has a child of her own but this is not the case. Annoyingly, we are also expected to know why she is late when meeting others.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 27/12/2014 10:36

Not applicable in this case as the visitors only lived 20 minutes away.

But I do get pissed off if you travel a long way to see people, really put yourself out to see them , are a bit late and they start the meal without you!

ChillySundays · 28/12/2014 22:53

I have a number of friends who seem to find it extremely difficult to urn up on time. I have been sat in a restaurant for an hour. I often get a text at the time they should be here to say they are running late. Live 45 minutes away and haven't even left.

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