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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want one surprise?

41 replies

Notsuretoday · 26/12/2014 09:22

Dh asked me what I wanted for christmas - I named a CD, a perfume, and pointed out ahandbag when we were out shopping which he bought there and then.

He ordered the perfume on amazon and bought the cd with the tesco shop.

So effort involved - less than a minute?

Aibu to wish he had come up with just one little thing that showed he had thought about what I might like?

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 26/12/2014 09:25

Yes yanu. He got you exactly what you wanted.

CalleighDoodle · 26/12/2014 09:25

Yanu i meant!

CalleighDoodle · 26/12/2014 09:26

Omg ive a fat thumb this morning!!! Yabu!

Aebj · 26/12/2014 09:27

I wanted a bike but didn't get anything so be grateful

Sandthorn · 26/12/2014 09:27

Really? That's quite a lot of presents... I can't blame him for thinking that might be enough!

LadyintheRadiator · 26/12/2014 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen · 26/12/2014 09:28

It depends. I also got exactly what I asked for this Christmas which many wouldn't consider much thought or effort, but my husband is extremely thoughtful in multiple ways throughout the year so I'm not depending on Christmas presents to show that spark of care, if that makes sense? I think sometimes people who don't always feel cared for and appreciated in their relationships can put a lot of hope in presents to restore an equilibrium.

Original poster
Notsuretoday · 26/12/2014 09:31

It's always three things so that each child has one thing to give to me.

Total cost was about £80

I would have been happy with a £10 scarf or necklace from the supermarket, or a paperback or a new phone case. Just something small to show he made a little bit of effort.

I chose, bought and wrapped all the kids' presents, plus most of his relatives', and mine. I wrote all the cards, did the decorations, cleaned the house and bought the food.

So I am just wondering where is his contribution?

Plus he had a right go yesterday at dd which he shouldn't have done imo on christmas day, she didn't do amything bad.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/12/2014 09:33

Oh dear , you received all that you wanted and you're still miffed Xmas Hmm

You're sounding ungrateful and being a bit of a princess having a strop.

Yes you are unreasonable, you have a lovely dh.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/12/2014 09:35
  • lovely as in got what you wanted, is he a dickhead the rest of the year?

why drip feed about him having a go at dd?

Original poster
Notsuretoday · 26/12/2014 09:36

I made him a photo book of our summer holiday, plus a photo calendar, and bought him three other things he likes

OP posts:
ThomasMaraJrsSubpoena · 26/12/2014 09:38

I'm on the side of YANBU. Yes those are nice gifts, and they are what you asked for, but if "It's the thought that counts", well, there's not a lot of thought put into them, is there.

I'm similarly exasperated at DP never giving me something that shows he dug deep in thought or even memory. I keep waiting for something like that. It's been ten years. Xmas Sad

ilovesooty · 26/12/2014 09:42

He asked for what you wanted and got it. If you wanted surprising as well you should have said so. I don't see why people of either gender should be expected to read minds and anticipate what their partners / spouses might want that they haven't articulated.

LadyintheRadiator · 26/12/2014 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 26/12/2014 09:48

Have you read the other thread about the woman who told her husband "anything but perfume," as she already had two unopened bottles of the stuff from previous birthdays/Christmasses, yet she he ignored her and bought her some more anyway?

Iforgottotellyou · 26/12/2014 10:01

I told my dh exactly what I wanted and we even went shopping together to pick some of it, so I love my perfume, diary, cd etc. He also decided to 'surprise' me, but I really don't like what he bought - it's a trinket box that feels like it's made of thin glass, but it's silver with a weird mottled effect pattern on it that makes it look like it's gone horribly rusty!! So a complete waste of time and money as I was more than happy with the things I had asked for.
Plus I am a follower of the kondo threads and very tidy so I hate unnecessary clutter :)

Isetan · 26/12/2014 10:16

It's this kind of bullshit thinking that's modelled for the kids, which we'll later complain about as them being ungrateful.

Isetan · 26/12/2014 10:27

The idea of a parent buying presents on behalf of their children, to give to the other parent is just bizarre.

DD made me a card, a present and coloured her own wrapping paper, now that's thoughtful.

Original poster
Notsuretoday · 26/12/2014 10:32

Thanks Isetan feel suitably chastisec now Hmm

OP posts:
DandyHighwayman · 26/12/2014 10:40

Why are you doing "his" gifts for his family? Don't be a Mummy Martyr, no need. Make it plain next year that he takes responsibility for his family. Even up the load.

Original poster
Notsuretoday · 26/12/2014 10:59

You know when you look forward to seeing someone open a well-chosen present? It makes me sad that he's not bothered about experiencing that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsuretoday · 26/12/2014 11:31

I said to him about it last night. Today I've been cheerful and "normal", but he's sulking...

OP posts:
RaisingMen · 26/12/2014 11:49

That's all very lovely Isetan but how old is your DD? You can't expect a toddler to do that can you.

Isetan · 26/12/2014 12:16

DD is seven and when she was a toddler her interest was peaked by the wrapping and boxes, rather than content. Disappointment isn't a abnormal reaction when expectations have been set higher than the likely outcome.

DD begged for a Nintendo DS when she was five (all her friends had one apparently), I made it repeatedly clear that It wasn't happening because in my opinion it was an unsuitable gift but she was nothing but persistent.

I get wanting the fairytale reactions but maybe parents also need a reaction expectation adjustment.

am on a low income but even if I wasn't, DD wo

Fanfeckintastic · 26/12/2014 12:24

It's really weird around here, for most of the year people have no problem saying LTB or pointing out how useless and unhelpful people's DHs are but at Christmas every OP who has been unhappy with thoughtless or secondhand, tarnished gifts is being told they should be happy they got anything!

Everyone has different expectations from their partner, personally I think they are lovely presents (some of my friends get nothing or have to buy their own present Sad) but I would have been a bit disappointed at the lack of a little surprise.

Probably because I'm spoilt, ungrateful and of course entitled Grin

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