to want one surprise?

[Notsuretoday]

Dh asked me what I wanted for christmas - I named a CD, a perfume, and pointed out ahandbag when we were out shopping which he bought there and then.

He ordered the perfume on amazon and bought the cd with the tesco shop.

So effort involved - less than a minute?

Aibu to wish he had come up with just one little thing that showed he had thought about what I might like?

Thanks Fan, you're right, I thought I was losing my marbles then! Even worse that I'm now getting the silent treatment!!

So is there more to it just the lack of surprise gift, you mention him sulking and now the silent treatment

I asked you up thread if he is a dickhead other than letting you down over the present, is he?

Sorry family getting in the way!

I dunno, how do you define dickhead... I just feel
underappreciated I guess.

There is a lot of woman who feel unappreciated at Christmas time, it's easy to say Oh let him sort his family out but it's rarely that simple. My DP works very long hours and his family are extremely generous in their gifts to me and DD so I told DP I would sort their presents because I had more time and I knew I would find them much more fitting, thoughtful gifts than he would. I also sorted DDs gifts because I know what will stand the test of time play wise and what will be a huge hit Christmas morning but will end up thrown into the toy box and not touched after the batteries run out.

It doesn't mean he's a total dickhead, he's has far more patience than me in other situations and is a wonderful father but it also didn't stop me feeling a bit stressed and resentful come Christmas Eve as I realized I had taken on too much responsibility. We are all only human.

Again it's a lot to do with expectations, some people are shocked you got three presents at all but that reflects your circumstances. Some years me and DP just agreed on one small token present each, this year as we are in a better situation work wise etc than previous years we gave each other about five or six each. It all depends but there's no point in people putting their expectations on the OP, okay they would have been happy with anything at all but clearly the OPs expectations are different and that's fine!

Well he would sulk probably like he is doing now...

I don't think YABU. For me xmas is very much about suprising people and thinking about what they would like. My DP and I buy a big gift from the other, which we choose ourselves (yes, we effectively each buy our own big present although give it to the other to wrap up and put under the tree) but then buy a few smaller gifts from the children (who are too young to really choose. Just as well, one of this years surprises from me was from Ann Summers! that one didn't make it under the tree though)

My DP has tried and failed in previous years to buy me anything decent for the surprise, but I didn't mind because he tried. This year he came through though!

I'd much rather he bought me a surprise than something I said I wanted, that would make me feel like he was a mail order clerk or something.

So yes you are right to want him to make more of an effort.

It's not really the lack of presents though. Is it? Or that he got you exactly what you wanted. It's the lack of thought and care. It has made you feel unappreciated. That is not unreasonable.

Thinking about it a genuine thank you for the presents I got him would have been enough - he looked at them like they were socks

Note to self: don't read the thread about the dh's who have really listened this year and bought presents accordingly

"Well he would sulk probably like he is doing now..."

So, he's now made it all about him. Sounds a real peach.

I know :-(

I wanted slippers but didn't get anything. Yabu.

I think you over estimated your partner! A lot of men are in trouble for buying their partner exactly what they were asked to, or not getting anything because they were told "let's not do presents" and didn't take it as anything other than face value. Another woman made a classic error when her partner asked her what she'd like for Christmas and she said anything but perfume. Guess what turned up under the tree! All he heard was "perfume". Don't tell him what you don't want, tell him what you do want, including a surprise!

I totally see where you are coming from, I'd be hurt if I thought my partner didn't care enough to give me a nice surprise. But some men just genuinely need it spelled out to them.

But we've been together for 20 years, you'd think he'd know..

Someone asked me of the relevance of him shouting at dd - it's wanting him to know that at least he could make sure he keeps it harmonious and happy on christmas day

And yes lots of people might have got even less/worse than me, but should we always measure by the floor standard? Another thread shows partners buying the most amazing and thoughtful gifts!