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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about this Christmas card?

35 replies

cakedup · 17/12/2014 15:20

This is concerning DS (9) and three other friends. Backstory:

DS has always been good friends with them all, but one of them, let's call him Martin, got a bit possessive with Joe and fell out with ds and Fiona about it (didn't like the fact that Joe was friends with ds and Fiona).

Recently, Martin went to Joe's house and they both got into making potions. It later transpired, that Martin was making a potion with the intent of putting it in Fiona's water bottle at school. He had pissed into the potion as well as mashing up some poisonous berries in there (from Martin's garden, whose mum had warned them not to go near).

Now Martin has sent a christmas card to Joe with the following message:

"I wish you a very Merry Christmas. May it bring you joy, happiness and everything else you deserve especially to assassinate DS and mostly Fiona."

He has drawn a picture of a sword dripping with blood with the caption "Fiona's and Ds' blood".

I'm finding this unacceptable. AIBU to want to talk to the school or his parents about it?

OP posts:
OfaFrenchMind · 17/12/2014 15:24

Ask Filch to give him detentions. That's a future DeathEater right here.

notagainffffffffs · 17/12/2014 15:28

Oh lord. I think you need to speaj to teachers and parents involved here. Delusions of grandeur is one thing. But making a little girl drink piss if quite another. How do you know all this?

CovetingAFiat500 · 17/12/2014 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

isolemnlyswearthatimuptonogood · 17/12/2014 15:34

Blimey Martin sounds nuts! I'd involve the school.

KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard · 17/12/2014 15:36

Pass it on to the police.

A little visit from them might solve the issue.

Number3cometome · 17/12/2014 15:37

Martin needs help!!

RobbStarksBitch · 17/12/2014 15:38

Jesus Christ he that boy sounds disturbed! Definitely not acceptable behaviour, I'd get the parents and the school involved ASAP.

OfaFrenchMind Filch can't give detention he's only the caretaker! Grin

Footlight · 17/12/2014 15:40

I'm actually impressed with how articulate Martin is. My ds is 9 and would barely be bothered to scribble 'happy christmas' or evil equivalent

However, he does sound like a psychopath in the making, speak to the school.

Original poster
cakedup · 17/12/2014 15:42

Joe got upset after Martin had gone home and confided in his mum about the potion.

And this is what we have discovered, lord knows what other sinister things he has said/thought. He has said a few things in the past that have been a bit sinister.

Joe's mum mentioned the potion thing to Martin's mum but she brushed it off, saying oh, boys will be boys. During dinner at Joe's house, Martin also very casually mentioned that he had seen his mum kissing another man in the garden (his parents are together) and that he was choosing the right time to reveal this to his dad. I'm not sure how true this is but he was literally rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 17/12/2014 15:45

Footlight yes he is very mature in many ways. DS wrote Martin a christmas card last night ("even thought we're not very good friends at the moment, it is Christmas after all") and it was the bare minimum greeting!

OP posts:
monkeytroubles · 17/12/2014 15:48

Normally if there is a problem within a friendship group I would say speak to the parents. However, in this instance it seems that one of the boys might have some issues and it could be a very sensitive subject so if I were you I'd have a word with their Teacher and let them advise you on how to proceed. There could be something going on at home that has made Martin angry for example and the Teacher might be aware of it or if not then they need to be aware of it so they can offer the right support. I suppose he could just have a strange sense of humour but urinating in other children's water bottles, the poisonous berries etc is a worry, even if he doesn't really understand the consequences.

NancyRaygun · 17/12/2014 15:48

Personally I think involving either the school or the police (esp the police!) is overkill - yes its weird bloody weird but could you approach his mother? I think a chat with the parents is what I would do - I be they'll be MORTIFIED!

londonrach · 17/12/2014 15:49

Pass to police.

AgathaF · 17/12/2014 15:54

Speak to the school and if possible his parents. That is very unusual behaviour, it won't necessarily be addressed appropriately by his parents, so school are probably the ones to decide who to discuss it with.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 17/12/2014 15:58

I had a little boy tell me he was going to slice my neck open because I knocked into him when he was going up and down the aisle on his knees. His mum laughed and apologised Confused. Report it I find it sickening that young kids come out with this stuff

saoirse31 · 17/12/2014 15:58

mmm I'd wonder tbh how much of the original story was talk rather than actions. Police seems completely ott. call round to mother show her card.

Original poster
cakedup · 17/12/2014 15:58

monkeytroubles we (myself, Joe's and Fiona's mums) are thinking to speak to the deputy head because we all trust her and have a good relationship with her. Their teacher is very inexperienced and a bit of a dick to be honest.

NancyRaygun I don't think his parents will be mortified unfortunately.

Would the police even get involved?? Yes I do think that's a bit much but I can't help but feel really uncomfortable about this. I'm not generally over protective parent at all but I have known Martin since he was in nursery and he has always been very mature, capeable, physically bigger and stronger. I just wouldn't put it past him to give ds a shove when he's on the top of the climbing frame or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 17/12/2014 16:00

saoirse31 do you mean the potion? Joe saw him piss in the potion and get the berries.

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 17/12/2014 16:03

Yeah. ... I'm still not convinced... Joe is 9 too? I'd still go see the mother

Original poster
cakedup · 17/12/2014 16:14

Joe's mum DID see Martin's mother about the potion...she just brushed it off.

OP posts:
NancyRaygun · 17/12/2014 16:19

God, not great reaction from the Mum then. I can see though that you might brush the 'potion' incident under the carpet a bit as it does seem like immature 'high jinks' ...but now with the creepy card as well, the mum will have to take it seriously! Wont she??

Sounds like he is acting out. Maybe the school would be best.

monkeytroubles · 17/12/2014 16:22

If you have a good relationship with the deputy head then that sounds like a good idea. I agree that involving the police at this stage is unlikely to be helpful. Not sure what they could reasonably be expected to do about it to be honest. If the school feel that it's beyond them and they can't handle the situation without police involvement then fair enough I suppose but I would at least try to avoid things escalating to that point.

Tryingtobecalm · 17/12/2014 16:35

Goodness,this does sound worrying. I too would speak to the deputy.

whois · 17/12/2014 16:41

Talk to the deputy. That's seriously strange.

One of my friends has a bonafida psychopath at her junior school - closley monitored by social services and the police. Not sure if you can officially be a psychopath at 9... But anyway he's exceedingly bright, charming, manipulative and has been killing animals and has tried his hardest to kill other children on several occasions including repeatedly stamping on one boys head.

Aparently mummy doesn't think there is anything wrong and it totally under his control, is isn't allowed to have friends round as he gets violent if she does.

TheMuppetsSingChristmas · 17/12/2014 16:43

Do not speak to the parents directly again - keep a scanned copy of the card, and speak to the deputy head. Martin needs to be watched very carefully at school to protect both the other children and inded himself. He sounds seriously disturbed and in need of support. I would honestly be telling my child to stay well away from him and not interact with him at all if possible.