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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

feel absolutely gutted about this will it get better?

40 replies

traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 21:11

The father of my baby has came round to the fact that im having our baby in a way. He has told me to look after wee one and keep them safe which i will do my utmost to do. What is gutting is that he is planning on moving to australia soon and he wont see the wee one grow up or be able to see his other 2 boys as readily as he does. My biggest fear is how will i cope being a single mum to our child and if he doesnt come back at all what do i tell child when they are older? The thought honestly terrifies me :(

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 16/12/2014 21:14

Oh dear :( there's skype i suppose.

Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 21:23

I dont have a laptop for using for skype Sad

OP posts:
Suefla62 · 16/12/2014 22:01

You don't need a laptop, there's a phone app.

Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 22:09

Ill see if i can download it. I dont know his timescale for going but id love for him to be here for the birth. He told me if he sees the wee one its another reason for not going Hmm

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 16/12/2014 22:10

I think you would be very matter of fact and tell your DC that his/her father moved to Australia. Hopefully they will still have some kind of relationship and your ex (I presume) can explain why he moved

I feel for you - this must be very difficult. Under the circumstances, I would want to try and ensure that my DC had a relationship with the paternal side of the family if possible and appropriate and with their half-siblings. Can you ask for introductions to be made etc by your ex before he leaves.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 16/12/2014 22:12

Further, before he leaves, you need to try and sort out what kind of financial supporter proposes to give.

Frankly, I thinkhis behaviour is appalling. It is unacceptable that you do not know when he is leaving and/or that he doesn't even seem to want to meet his child before he leaves

Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 22:21

The only family members he has here are his two sons, he hasnt told them and isnt particularly keen to which while i disagree with that i cant make him tell them. Re maintanence i can get a REMO order so that he pays maintanence from australia

OP posts:
Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 22:22

that im pregnant

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 16/12/2014 22:26

This is really tough - hope you are ok.
Do you know how realistic and worked out his plans are? It's not that easy to move to Australia - as far as I know, he'll need a visa, which means either having a job line up (I think) or job skills in a key identified profession (I know this includes teaching - don't know what else). Unless he has citizenship there?
Am just wondering how serious he is, before you start to worry too much?
Look after yourself, and good luck with the rest of the pregnancy.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 16/12/2014 22:27

Why can't you have their mother's details? Then you can speak to Her and you can both decide if it's in the best interests of the children to meet

Is your ex Australian? Have you looked into whether your DC is entitled to a duel passport? That maybe worthwhile

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 16/12/2014 22:33

Hi OP. My ex left when our baby was a few months old and didnt see him for 3 years. My baby did however see exps parents weekly which i am glad about because it meant DS had a relationship with that side of his family and made it easier when exp did decide he wanted to come back and be involved.

Tbh i didnt find single parenting hard and EXp would have been useless and more stress for me to have him there than not.

My son didnt really ask about his dad because to him he had never had a dad there so he didnt feel like he was missing anything. It was normal for him not to see him.

Do you have family or friends around you?

Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 22:35

He has a profession that australia welcomes so to speak but no job lined up that i know if. I dont know if hes started/how far along the application process he is but he was telling me its going to cost him 2k to take his dog over. Ive never met the boys mum just them a couple of times. We didnt have a conventional relationship so to speak. No he is scottish like me

OP posts:
Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 22:36

Yes i have a good support network thankfully which i know will be a godsend :)

OP posts:
HellKitty · 16/12/2014 22:40

Is he running away from responsibility?

Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 22:49

He told me to have an abortion at the start, he took the view of its your choice to carry the pregnancy on. Showed the scan pic and could see that changed his facial expression then he started crying which set me off :(

OP posts:
bigbluestars · 16/12/2014 23:03

So he had now left two women holding the babies while he resumes life as a single man. Nice.Pity you didn't hear the warning bell of his previous family that had been dumped.

I wouldn't be taking his calls.

Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 23:16

His 2 boys were born when he was with his ex wife theyre now 13 and 10 respectively. He has always had a good relationship with his ex wife regarding the boys and is a great dad to them

OP posts:
bigbluestars · 16/12/2014 23:18

Such a great dad that he is moving to the other side of the world? Yeah right.

VerityWaves · 16/12/2014 23:28

I think his attidude is appalling.

I think you are going to have a tough ride here. Don't be fooled by his crocodile tears.. He is still leaving you to bring up his own flesh and blood. Women always have to pick up the pieces :((

Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 23:29

I do understand its a big decision to make and is made harder by the fact he has 2 soon to be 3 kids. All i can do is respect his choices as i cant stop him doing what he wants hes an adult after all

OP posts:
Original poster
traceybaybee · 16/12/2014 23:31

That is also weighing on my mind how he can move so far away when his kids are here. His sister moved over but she doesnt have any children so its not the same as it is for him

OP posts:
elastamum · 16/12/2014 23:31

If he was a great dad he wouldn't be going to Australia and leaving his kids in the UK. Don't expect too much of him

mrscumberbatch · 16/12/2014 23:31

Not a very adult choice to abandon your children and move to the other side of the world.

Don't excuse his behaviour.

MyPreciousRing · 16/12/2014 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2014 23:33

What a lovely fella taking his doggy over to Australia with him and at great cost too

That doggy would surely have suffered without his presence and support in it's life

Truly a selfless individual

Oh, wait...