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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to do something about this irresponsible friend...

47 replies

WaroftheRoses · 14/12/2014 23:41

We are friends with a lovely couple, a few years older than us, live in our village. We live in a rural area, with most local village pubs closed down. Our friends have a great social life-he is a local man and they seem to know everyone!

The problem is he drinks and drives. And drinks a lot and drives. He scoffs at anyone who thinks there is anything wrong with it. Their favourite pub is in a village 16 miles away which he/they go to a few times a week. I was under the impression that she drives if he is drinking, but it appears he regularly drives home and if she drives she has had a few too. Angry

Today we were at a daytime Christmas house thing. I was driving so drank nothing. My DH had a skinful, as did both of our friends and others there! We were amongst the last to leave with me as driver, taking home us, friends and one other-all agreed in front of host. When we got to the cars he got his keys out and the three of them headed to their car. I protested that I was driving, he'd been drinking etc but he was insisting he was fine, hadn't been drinking and was driving home. My DH-seeing a fight brewing in me told me to leave it and they headed off. DH was saying why would they do that it's ridiculous etc yet didn't back me up.

AIBU to not have done more? Next step was likely to be wrestling the keys from the guy as talking wasn't going anywhere. I don't want to fall out with them but this is a major no no for me-as surely it is for any sane person?! And why would people willingly get in a car with him at the wheel? The fact that we live in the sticks makes no difference AFAIAC-there are still other people on the road. Today wasn't the first incident-they live on the edge of the village and do drive to village things a lot (easily walkable distances as well but that is a whole other issue) and it has become apparent that when we think she isn't drinking and so is driving, he in fact drives...

WIBU to report him? Losing his licence would affect their business. I also can't guarantee I'll always know when he is driving so not sure how to go about reporting him-we're not the kind of place where a police car could quickly appear. He won't sit and discuss anything sensibly, he is the kind of guy who has his opinions and they are the only ones. I know that sounds like he isn't a nice person but he is.....hard to explain in a quick post.

WWYD? And how? Confused

OP posts:
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 14/12/2014 23:44

Report them.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 14/12/2014 23:44

Report him. Annonymously if you would rather, but do it. He could kill someone. Likely himself (but thats Darwinism at its finest) but sadly he is also a major risk to other road users.

I would wait til you know they have driven to their 16mile away pub, contact your local police station and say "This is the reg#, he regularly drives heavily under the influence, and will be driving Southbound on X road once he has finished at Y pub".

I couldnt bear it if he killed someone and I knew he was drink driving.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/12/2014 23:45

Report him. Just imagine how you would feel if you didn't report him, he drove drunk, and killed someone.

If you report him, and he is banned and loses his job,,it would NOT be your fault - it would be 100% his fault. He knows it is illegal, and he chooses to do it. He knows he'll be in real trouble if he is caught.

Frankly, better he is banned than that he kills an innocent person.

BlueGreenHazelGreen · 14/12/2014 23:47

Could you speak to them when they are sober and tell them that you are seriously concerned that thy are risking their own and other road users lives? And tell them you have to follow your conscience if it happens again?

My school friend's Dad was killed in a crash with driver. It devastated her whole family's life.

MrsCurrent · 14/12/2014 23:48

Report him, when he kills someone how will you feel? Send me his details and I'll report him. What a class one wanker.

Imnotaslimjim · 14/12/2014 23:48

Definitely report them. If its a regular thing give details and the police will be able to watch out for them

floatyflo · 14/12/2014 23:49

Report. Report. Report.

Sorry as that is probably not what you wanting to hear. But not sorry as it is the right thing to do undoubtedly.

kippersmum · 14/12/2014 23:49

Report, report, report. You said he is a nice guy. I'm sure he is.

Do you want to go to his funeral? After his crashed car has been dragged out of a ditch?

Report anonymously

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/12/2014 23:50

Next step is calling 999 and reporting the idiot.

nopissingtime · 14/12/2014 23:51

It's crap when you know someone is drink driving but can't do anything - I rang the police on 101 to report someone, told them where they were driving etc. but they couldn't be less interested :( and believe me, it took a lot of courage to ring them!! I was literally shaking with fear and nothing happened. I wish they would develop an sms service where you could anonymously text a reg number and route on every occasion and hope that just once they would catch the assholes! I guess he'll only be caught when he kills someone :( xx

sooperdooper · 14/12/2014 23:52

Report him, he's selfish and could kill someone - my cousins first husband was killed by a drunk driver, he deserves to be reported

extremepie · 14/12/2014 23:53

Yanbu, drinking and driving ime seems to be quite common in rural areas, with people using the fact that they live far from the pub as an acceptable excuse for being irresponsible :/

If you want to go out and drink you should either:
Get a lift
Get a taxi

Or just accept that if you have to drive home you can't drink. There is no excuse really! I would second reporting him especially if he does it on a regular basis.

Original poster
WaroftheRoses · 14/12/2014 23:54

I agree-I think I should report him but not sure how to. I don't know when they/he are/is out and where all the time, just occasionally. Is it possible for the reg to be on a police radar? As I said-there aren't many police around, maybe the odd car on a main road but the route to the favourite pub just briefly crosses this road. TBH I wouldn't be surprised if there were a lot more people driving drunk from this pub as it is very popular and draws people from a large area.

OP posts:
Original poster
WaroftheRoses · 14/12/2014 23:56

Tonight was the clincher really-he had a lift with me-someone totally sober-but still insisted on driving.

OP posts:
SomethingOnce · 14/12/2014 23:58

I knew a family in the sticks who lost a child to a drink driver. It's unbearable to think about.

Report, definitely.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 15/12/2014 00:07

Report him.
You are irresponsible if you don't.
It's illegal. It's reckless and it's high risk .

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 15/12/2014 00:09

If he loses his business that's his responsibility- he's a grown man he knows the law and he's made choices.

MarchEliza · 15/12/2014 00:14

This is a surprisingly common attitude in rural areas even amongst otherwise sane people. When I worked in a pub as a teenager in the middle of nowhere we regularly had to wrestle the car keys from totally inebriated locals who were otherwise pleasant and law-abiding.

A few months ago my DP's 18 year old nephew was killed tv a drunk driver and the damage done to his mother and sister is likely to last a lifetime. It's never excusable.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 15/12/2014 00:15

Don't mention it to him again, you would be wasting your breath and the arrogant twat wouldn't listen anyway

But do please report him, if you contact the police with your concerns maybe they can keep an eye out for him or arrange to have someone find him if you ring when you know he's doing it

You sound lovely to be so concerned but he really is not a nice guy, a nice guy wouldn't risk people's lives for the sake of his convenience

Redglitter · 15/12/2014 00:17

report him as a drink driver and report him anytime you know he's drinking. If he's not actually driving his car details will be circulated. They'll be circulated every time you call. I've known of numerous DD being done days after someone actually reported them because a police officer has seen the car and remembered the number

If you report him and he's not caught you know you've done all you can. If you don't and he kills someone how will you feel

Original poster
WaroftheRoses · 15/12/2014 00:22

Have been looking into crimestoppers reporting, looks like I can get him on the radar and the rough area where he might be. Will just not mention it again to him and hopefully he will be stopped and it will seem random. No idea of their plans over the next few weeks but I expect they/he will be out a fair bit.
Really, how hard is it to just not drink/book a cab/take a lift with someone who isn't drinking???
Also amazes me the amount of people who give me the wierd face in response to "no thanks I'm driving, I don't want even one drink". Hmm

OP posts:
Discopanda · 15/12/2014 00:24

Report him. It's anonymous and if he is so locally well-known then it isn't obvious that it was you, it could have been anyone.

Jodie1982 · 15/12/2014 00:24

I witnessed the death of my younger sister, she was killed in a Hit n Run by a drunk driver, she died in my arms and it's scarred me for life.

He needs reporting before he takes a life/lives and devastates a poor family. Like mine Sad

ClumsyFool · 15/12/2014 00:26

There's no point talking to him about it as he clearly doesn't think he's doing anything wrong and makes it difficult for you to report anonymously. I'd call your local station and tell them the situation, your concerns and his reg # etc. Living further away from the pub is not a justification to drink and drive and surely driving back along country roads, often unlit and bendy, is even more of a risk.

I know everyone is different and that there is a legal limit which allows a small amount of alcohol to be consumed. Personally though, if I'm driving I don't have a drop, I've known myself to drink plenty and feel ok and other times to feel merry after just a small wine so there's just no point. I'm either drinking or driving, no combination of the two, I just wouldn't trust myself to drive after consuming anything alcoholic. I don't understand in this day and age and with all the risks being known and how much drink driving related deaths are publicised that people can still justify it to themselves to have a skinful and get behind the wheel.

Original poster
WaroftheRoses · 15/12/2014 00:29

Jodie Sad
And sooper and march
I will get on it tomorrow. Have been reading massive reduction in DD accident figures since they started anti-DD campaigns.

OP posts:
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