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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at "friend"

31 replies

wheresthelight · 14/12/2014 22:05

I am probably being over sensitive but please give me some perspective...

I have a friend "Paul" who I have known for about 15 years, purely platonic but always been close. he has messaged me tonight just to chat and we got onto him asking about my dsc's (they have met him and think he is awesome for taking them on some stupidly scary ride at the fair) and he made some comment about dp's ex and whether we got on. I said no not really but I am civil because of the kids. Paul then says "well you stole her husband so no wonder she hates you".

I am not and was not the OW, dp's ex was the one cheating and kicked him out when one of her affairs became serious. I am absolutely livid that someone I classed as a close friend thinks so little of me

am I over reacting or should I metaphorically slap him with a tyre iron wet fish

OP posts:
weeblueberry · 14/12/2014 22:07

He may not have meant it literally and was just joking. That's how I'd probably have taken it to be honest...

Littlefish · 14/12/2014 22:08

I think you need to talk to him about it. Could his comment have been meant as a misguided joke?

You need to tell him that you found his comment upsetting and that it is factually wrong.

pictish · 14/12/2014 22:09

You just calmly put him right surely?
"Err...I didn't 'steal her husband' whatsoever. What are you on about?"

sooperdooper · 14/12/2014 22:10

Didn't you just put him right? If you're close surely he knows anyway?

GristletoeAndWhine · 14/12/2014 22:11

I would have taken it as a joke, but without knowing whether you speak to each other with humour like that it's hard to judge.

juicycelebrity · 14/12/2014 22:12

He probably meant it as a joke but if you are that good friends, just tell him you are hurt by it.

WooWooOwl · 14/12/2014 22:13

Couldn't you just correct him?

joanne1947 · 14/12/2014 22:14

Do not let one remark ruin 15 years of friendship. Talk to him

TiggerLillies · 14/12/2014 22:17

Do you think he was commenting on her perspective?

Original poster
wheresthelight · 14/12/2014 22:34

I have put him right and he has carried on accusing me.

tigger - how exactly could it be from her perspective? she shagged about Amd kicked him out. I met him much later on so how can her perspective be that I stole her husband?

OP posts:
LineRunner · 14/12/2014 22:36

Does he know her?

Odd.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 22:38

He was joking.

Original poster
wheresthelight · 14/12/2014 22:38

Not that I know off.

ot does explain a few odd comments he has made recently though. I just cannot believe he thinks so little of me

OP posts:
Original poster
wheresthelight · 14/12/2014 22:39

Partridge - no he wasn't. I have known him a long time and very well he genuinely believes it

OP posts:
ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 22:40

Well in that case be pissed off with him.

And ditch him.

PicaK · 14/12/2014 22:42

I read it as a joke. One where you say the complete opposite of the situation to be funny.

MammaTJ · 14/12/2014 22:45

My now ex H first wife said things like this! She shagged around, eventually leaving/ thrown out because of an affair with his best friend. ExH used to go round and play computer games with him and she would call them her two men fucking weird but he said he was there for their DD.

When he met me, that stopped and more usual arrangements were made for contact!

She would tell all and sundry that I had stolen her husband though! They had been divorced for 4 years when we met!

Viviennemary · 14/12/2014 22:46

Well you must put him right. That you were not the OW. He's carried on accusing you? That's bad of him. But he can't disapprove that much as he's continued to be your friend.

stubbornstains · 14/12/2014 22:50

That immediately has me wondering whether, unbeknown to you, he has become friends with the ex, and she has (cough) "given him her side of the story" Hmm.

LineRunner · 14/12/2014 22:52

Have they connected via Facebook?

Original poster
wheresthelight · 14/12/2014 22:58

it's unlikely they would have met, he doesn't have many friends and they don't move in any of the same circles

have checked his Facebook and they aren't friends in fact he only has his brother, sister and me Grin

OP posts:
LineRunner · 14/12/2014 23:01

Well he's got a bee in his bonnet from somewhere. You may need to press him on it.

Or tell him to get stuffed.

RandomMess · 14/12/2014 23:02

Sounds like he's jealous tbh

Original poster
wheresthelight · 14/12/2014 23:07

at the moment I have told him again the truth of the situation and have ignored his subsequent messages as not a single one has contained an apology.

I don't know what his motive was, but if it was to make me question our friendship he has certainly succeeded

OP posts:
Staywithme · 14/12/2014 23:13

I agree with Random. I think your friend is very jealous of your relationship and has feelings for you. In saying that, he also sounds like an arse hole if he won't believe you. I couldn't be bothered having someone round me who thought so badly of me, even though I tried putting him straight.

Did he give his reasons for believing you were the OW?