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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not call this a class present

51 replies

Whatdoesaduckdo · 14/12/2014 11:39

I was asked by the principal of my daughters nursery school to organise a retirement present on behalf of the parents for the class nursery teacher who is retiring at Christmas for health reasons.
I have received 2 donations from parents in the class (£30) and 1 donation from a parent in the other class (£5).
To give the full picture I have had 4 children at the school previously and am also on the board of Govenors which is why I ended up with the thankless task.
There are 26 children in the class some have had older siblings at the school also taught by this teacher - she is lovely.
On the letter I sent out I did say I appreciated it was a difficult time of year but a donation of any size would be appreciated.
There was also a free option of adding a message or a picture drawn by the child to a book that was being compiled - there have been 2 pictures and 1 message all from the same families that donated.

In light if all this it really does seem hard to call this a class present but what do I say I feel mortified that I am supposed to present this on Friday - her last day.

AIBU to say here is a present from a few parents?

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 14/12/2014 11:42

That is so sad! Can't you do any chivvying of the parents?

soverylucky · 14/12/2014 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottiedoubtie · 14/12/2014 11:42

Yes yabu. It's not about the feelings of those who haven't donated but about the feelings of the poor retiring teacher. If I was in a financial position to I'd up the amount a bit to make it look like I'd had more 'donations' and try and buy something thoughtful.

A lovely woman retiring for health reasons doesn't need to know that most of her class parents are tight and don't value her!

Stealthpolarbear · 14/12/2014 11:44

Big bunch of flowers from the class
Are you planning to add a donation

Busydad2011 · 14/12/2014 11:45

Just put the names of those children whose parents contributed in the card or with the pictures etc. call it as it is. Times are always hard but drawing a picture or making a card costs nothing, or very little anyway. Give credit to those who bothered.

TheSpottedZebra · 14/12/2014 11:47

Send a polite reminder? things get missed easily, especially at his time of year.

TheSpottedZebra · 14/12/2014 11:47

this time of year...

MistAndAWeepingRain · 14/12/2014 11:49

YABU. I would still call it a class present.

As galling as the lack of contributions are, the teacher retiring due to ill health is the most important person in the scenario. In her position would you rather get a present from the whole class or know that only a couple had bothered to contribute? Think of her, grit your teeth and buy her a bunch of flowers and some chocolates from the whole class.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/12/2014 11:50

I don't know what it's like at other schools, but at ours the requests for money has been completely constant fir the past month. School fayre, cake sales, contribution to Christmas parties, contribution to ht leaving, 4 x Christmas presents for teachers, non school uniform day, Christmas jumper day, contribution for pantomime etc etc. I am really fed up with it and I'm far from stingy. If I was asked to also contribute to a retirement present when my child has been with her for 3 months out of her entire career, I think us bd saying no too.
Mind, that's not what you asked. With so few contributions id just write from x, x and x.
It might be worth a round robin email to all saying that's what you plan to do.

Longdistance · 14/12/2014 11:51

That's a bit tight. I live in an area where a lot of people don't have a lot if money. But, they still seem to part with money at the nursery/school fair, charity days etc. they seem to make a fair bit.

Maybe, as pp said, give the parents a nudge.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 14/12/2014 11:55

I would send a reminder or just mention it to parents. My daughters school hand out letters and verbal reminders everyday but I'd honestly forget with just 1 reminder especially over Christmas when they're constantly asking for donations for things

DoJo · 14/12/2014 12:03

Do you need to call it anything? Could you not just present it as a gift to her on he retirement without any reference to who funded it?

Original poster
Whatdoesaduckdo · 14/12/2014 12:13

Yes I do intend to up the donation myself even though I had already bought a gift from the family as she has taught them all and I felt gone above what was expected on occasions.
This is the first request for money from the school this year try to keep fundraisers etc to a minimum Easter raffle and cake sale in the summer term.
I think to be honest I'm more surprised that so few opted for the free option.
I will email all now and see if I can even get a few more bits for the book as to be honest I know she would value that more than any bought gift.

OP posts:
LIZS · 14/12/2014 12:13

How did you contact them ? Could a note have got put aside or in the bottom of bags for example ? Send a gentle reminder asking for a contribution of up to say £5 a head by a specific date, you'll be available at drop off/pick up on Wednesday. Ask to do attend a session with the children and get them to draw a pic then ?

momb · 14/12/2014 12:16

It's not the money so much as the book: can you get the TA onside to get everyone to write a little message/draw a picture this week so the memory book is at least full?
Big bunch of flowers, lovely book of messages. It doesn't need to be a carriage clock....

TheRealMaryMillington · 14/12/2014 12:22

I wouldn't donate for Xmas or end of term - don't think its appropriate, but would for leaving gifts and certainly for retirement, though perhaps if my kids had not been taught by the person. Also letters will be lost and money will be tight at this time of year.

I think it would be way more appropriate - as has happened in other workplaces - for the organisation to give the main bulk of the money and add any modest parental contributions to that. Then the nursery leaders organise for the kids to draw pictures during sessions etc.

HeraldAngelSinging · 14/12/2014 12:25

Could it be too late now for a class collection? Surely, parents have already made other arrangements to give individual Christmas presents to this teacher. Do they all know already that she is retiring so leaving the school? If they did not, they understandably went ahead with Christmas gifts ....

Original poster
Whatdoesaduckdo · 14/12/2014 12:37

Letters were put in trays so visually I can see they were all collected withe exception of 2 which were screwed up and thrown at me.
The children are quite busy this week with visitors, visits to the local primary's for nativities etc but I will speak to the TA and see if time can be found.
It does seem to be strangely organised there is a gift from the staff, a gift from the governors (which I have also contributed to) and then this gift from the parents.
As nothing was mentioned to me until 2 weeks ago I assumed there wasn't anything being done but the principal assumed Hmm that I would have organised something.
The retirement was announced to the parents in mid November and was further mentioned in the December newsletter.

OP posts:
TrendStopper · 14/12/2014 12:38

I don't ever donate or give teachers presents so you would get nowhere with me. School seems to be all about money money money these days.

Stealthpolarbear · 14/12/2014 12:39

Op sorry my last post wasn't meant to be judged, just wondered if you knew the 35 would be higher or not.
I agree with someone else. Crap as it is you do what makes her feel best.

Stealthpolarbear · 14/12/2014 12:40

*judgey

LIZS · 14/12/2014 12:41

Letters were put in trays so visually I can see they were all collected withe exception of 2 which were screwed up and thrown at me. How rude ! It is quite possible the others have overlooked it though. Maybe ask for anonymous donations. Do yours have a nativity or get together this week so you can go round and ask ?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 14/12/2014 12:41

Who threw a letter at you? Presumably no point chasing those parents

I agree re: getting the TAs on side to do the pictures etc. Separately, is there any PTA money to top things up with?

Original poster
Whatdoesaduckdo · 14/12/2014 12:44

Trend I certainly wouldn't argue with you on that point with 6 children at school I have often joked that I should have my wages paid to the school - more so the eldest two - and they can return what is left at the end if the month.
This is why I decided to add in the free option to make it as all inclusive as possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatdoesaduckdo · 14/12/2014 12:50

Stealth I didn't take your comment as judgey at all Smile
Donations were asked for anonymously I put in the letter that they could either be given to me, left in daughters tray or put in the an envelope marked retirement present in the post box in the cloakroom (used for returning notes etc).
There is no PTA unfortunately.

OP posts: