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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think dh and i can share breast feeding?

40 replies

Soleurmange · 12/12/2014 10:00

Help
C section blood loss jaundice. I'm totally weak, still in hos.
Struggling to bf, struggling to move about with dd in such pain.
Dh got a month off work
Home not set up for me not to be able to walk , fees easily

I'm producing a lot of milk.
is it possible do you think for me and dh to completely share b feeding if I express? What equipment would we need apart from hospital grade pump? Would it work or is this too soon? any advice or recommended reading material you think might help... Really want to bf... thanks so much.

OP posts:

traviata · 12/12/2014 10:03

ask the ward to put you in touch with the breast feeding specialists immediately. Are you on a surgical ward or a maternity ward?

APlaceInTheWinter · 12/12/2014 10:10

Congratulations on the birth of your DD
It is possible to express and share feeding but it really depends on you, DH and your DD. As the PP said, ask for advice from the community midwife (if she's based in the hospital) or/and the breast-feeding support staff. Some babies do struggle to breastfeed. Others take a few days to work out how to latch on. Try not to stress about it. Ultimately what's important is that you get well and that your DD is fed, don't pressure yourself too much about BF. The best advice I received regarding BF was from the community midwife. I didn't find any helpful books. Her advice was all practical eg keeping your shoulders down, etc.

Original poster

Soleurmange · 12/12/2014 10:10

Post natal maternity

OP posts:

TheOriginalWinkly · 12/12/2014 10:10

I'm sure you could express, but when you get home it will be far less combined work for you to stay in bed with your baby and feed, and let your DH cook and clean, than it would be for you to feed, and then express (which is far more faff and slow than feeding), and have bottles and pumps to wash and sterilise, plus all the cooking and cleaning still to get done between you. Also, if you're set on BFing, introducing a bottle so early could run the risk of nipple confusion.

Good luck and congratulations

BuilderMammy · 12/12/2014 10:11

You should be able to pump; DS was tube fed for his first month so I pumped from his very first feed. Definitely get someone in there to talk you through it and show you how the pump works.

Aside from the pump you should only need bottles, a steriliser and a bottle brush.

MrsGoslingWannabe · 12/12/2014 10:14

Agree with Winkly

ovaltine · 12/12/2014 10:16

I expressed and DH fed with a bottle. Worked well for us. Get a double pump, saves time and is just much easier (spent my life pumping with one it seemed!) DH got an amazing bond with DD, I rarely fed her unless we were out without him.

juneau · 12/12/2014 10:17

I agree - much better for you to BF and DH to do everything else and basically wait on you while you lie in bed, recover and just feed baby. Pumping is actually more trouble and faff than just putting baby to nipple, because you've got to be hooked up the machine for ages, then bottles and teats, etc, have to be sterilised and that's all just extra work.

Congratulations on the birth of your DD

KnittingChristmasJumpers · 12/12/2014 10:18

I agree with Winkly, but if you are keen to share the feeding would you be interested in mixed feeding? I know a lot of people are anti it on MN but it could be a good solution for you if you're interested in breast feeding but also getting your DH to help - perhaps ask the community midwife about it.

drwitch · 12/12/2014 10:19

babies are often quicker at extracting milk than a pump AND you don't need to sit up, lovely that dh is around - he can change and wash the nappies, make you biscuits, rock your lo to sleep. All of which will be better than giving him a bottle

Wolfbasher · 12/12/2014 10:20

I would get your DH to do everything else, including bringing the baby to you to feed and then taking him/her away again if you want to sleep. He can do all the nappies, dressing/undressing, and bring you meals and drinks. You stay in bed and rest and eat and feed the baby. I think that would be more relaxing for you than spending ages pumping - you might as well just feed, really. And all that time with the baby will give DH a great bond. Nappy changes are a bonding activity, and so is holding a sleeping baby, or comforting/amusing an awake one!

DixieNormas · 12/12/2014 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TarkaTheOtter · 12/12/2014 10:21

It might work. Some women get a lot of milk with a pump some don't. It always feels like a lot of milk in the first week or so until your supply settles down but that doesn't mean you will always have so much "extra". What do you mean by "share completely"?

Can't dh bring the baby to you to feed when you are home? You can just stay in bed, relax and feed - let dh do everything else whilst he is off?
I think anything beyond expressing one/two bottles a day for a break is going to be much harder work than breastfeeding. Have a look online at "exclusive expressing". It's normally a last resort for when babies won't latch and it is by no means an easy option.

In the short term, is it the fact you are weak that is making it a struggle to feed or is the baby struggling to latch? These first few days are really tough emotionally even without the physical recovery issues.

PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein · 12/12/2014 10:23

Congratulations, and hope you feel better soon after your CS.

It is really important that you get help now. a breastfeeding counsellor can help with either positioning so you are not in pain or with pumping. Getting it right now, whatever you choose to do, is the main thing as it is harder to fix problems later. If the hospital isn't providing someone who can spend adequate time supporting you, never please ring the NCT helpline and talk it through. They'll be delighted to help and can find someone local who will come to you and help in person.

tippytappywriter · 12/12/2014 10:25

Op. Congratulations. It is early days. Try not to over think it and for now just concentrate on the basics - you resting to get better and feeding baby. Once you get your strength back think about it then. Things change so quickly in the first few weeks. Get some support with bf for sure if you want to continue

DayLillie · 12/12/2014 10:25

I was quite ill and anaemic after my first, due to PPH. DH used to do the winding and nappy changes, laundry, cooking (ok - heating up pizza - it took me years before I liked pizza again ). He did beautiful ironing, but this is also the time during which he managed to gain control of the washing machine

The next time was twins in SCBU. I did a lot of pumping and they were tube fed, so it worked quite well during that time. Once home, it was better to just feed them and hand one over to DH whilst I fed the next. He became very efficient at winding. DS1 had been such a difficult baby, we had a strategy worked out between us to maximise sleep. We have lots of photos with him, looking half asleep with a spaced out baby on his chest and a muslin cloth over his shoulder (they were sick on him a lot .

Annarose2014 · 12/12/2014 10:40

There are plenty of people who didn't find it remotely easier to "lie back in bed & breastfeed". It depends what the OPs problem with it is.

Join your MN Postnatal group (under Parenting). Its a lot of support from people who have babies the exact same age.

I bf and it hasn't been painful, but I still express every other day to give myself the odd break so DH can do it. I find it brilliant. I have a double electric Medela pump and it only takes 10 mins as I have a lot of supply. Its really not that big a faff - especially with microwave sterilizers these days.

Plenty of people express throughout their whole bf journey & find it works very well for their particular situation. Best of luck!

ChristmassyMe · 12/12/2014 12:35

Definitely possible, give it a try and see what works for you. With my first baby (dd) we tried expressing and dh bottle feeding the expressed milk at night for a break for me, haha! It was a nightmare tbh! I couldn't express much, so that took a long time to get a feed's worth of milk, and at night she's cry so loudly and desperately while he was heating the milk etc that I found it was just so much quicker and easier to just shove her on the boob - that was nobody really even had to wake up properly (we co-slept). SO we gave up on that idea pretty quick! With second baby (ds) we just co-slept and bf'd from the off, for 2 years! - Never bothered with expressing/bottles or getting out of bed at night, as it all seemed to be more of a hassle than it was worth. Good luck, hope it works for you - or you find something that does. x

anothernumberone · 12/12/2014 12:42

Here is how it worked for us DH did everything changed nappies, cooked, cleaned brought me baby and I fed the babylying down often asleep in bed. Needless to say that only needs to last a short while until you are fit for more but it really helps. Expressing creates a lot of work and still there is a baby who needs to be fed at the end of it IMHO. Congrats on the new arrival and do take it really slow for a few weeks.

MrsGoslingWannabe · 12/12/2014 12:45

Why would OP want to consider mixed feeding when she has stated that she wants to bf and has lots of milk?

What Tippytappy said is good - just concentrate on bf for now and resting as much as possible OP. Is is your first?

Waffles80 · 12/12/2014 12:47

If expressing then definitely a double pump. I had the medela swing and was pretty pleased with it but a hospital grade one ought to be better (ask where you are, or call NCT or La Leche League).

I mix fed my twins and found that expressing was, although successful, really draining. Someone here suggested cutting slits in a sports bra to hold the pump in place leaving my hands free.

ShadowKat · 12/12/2014 13:14

My DS1 was fed mostly on expressed breast milk after we failed to establish breastfeeding.

DS2 is breastfed. We had some problems getting breastfeeding established (partly due to jaundice & partly due to difficulty finding a position that was comfortable for DS2 because his head got quite bruised being born) - but once the initial problems were resolved i found breastfeeding so much easier than expressing. I got great support from the hospital MWs with DS2 too, which made all the difference in getting breastfeeding established.

So I would recommend getting as much breastfeeding support as possible while you're still in hospital - they should have some specialist breastfeeding support staff. Get info on local nct / LLL breastfeeding support for after discharge.

And get DH to do everything when you're home, including bringing you the baby for feeds, so that the only thing you need to do is lie in bed and feed the baby.

Hope all goes well.

GoodKingQuintless · 12/12/2014 13:17

In your shoes I would not share the feeding, but let your dh do all the housework and look after you. Just go to bed with your baby and stay there. You recover, and baby work hard on being a newborn: sleep, feed, and fill her nappies. The nappies will be your dhs job, as well as feeding you and supplying you with drinks, etc. Help you to the bathroom, and what not. You may want to express and let him do a night feed if that helps.

Sleepyhoglet · 12/12/2014 13:26

I have a 4 week old and I wanted to do what you are suggesting but out of choice. So glad I didn't as breast feeding so much easier- no sterilising bottles of waiting for feeds. It's all there just plonk baby on. Slather your nipples with lanisoh after every feed for first week though.

divafever24 · 12/12/2014 13:27

I was in a similar situation to you. I was quite unwell post c section, I was in hospital and Dh was at home with dd. I used the breast pump on the maternity ward to send milk home to dd, intending on breast feeding her as soon as we were reunited. Unfortunately once she had had a bottle a couple of times she wouldn't breast feed. The upset and stress of it all caused my milk to dry up and I ended up formula feeding. I put far too much pressure on myself. Trying to breast feed after a section is really hard, you are so sore and need time to recover. If it doesn't work out don't beat yourself up over it. As long as your baby is fed that is good enough. Good luck

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