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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buying DD a present from PILs

38 replies

hissingcat · 09/12/2014 17:28

Every year PILs get me to buy DD a present from them, they then give me the money for it, get SIL to wrap and present it to DD on Christmas day. It's the same with birthdays. With their other GC they get SIL to buy the presents (even though some if the DC aren't hers).
They are perfectly able to get out to the shops themselves.
I get that it's good that DD is getting something she actually wants as a present but something about it irritates me. It's like they don't put any effort in but still get the glory pleasure of giving DD a gift.
They even asked me to wrap it one year.
Would this annoy you or am I a miserable git?

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 09/12/2014 17:32

Try not to let it bug you.

At least they give you the money for it and dd gets something that she likes.

It is a bit thoughtless, but it's not worth getting het up about.

wheresthelight · 09/12/2014 17:37

sorry to be blunt but get over yourself!!!!
surely it is better that she gets something she wants than some expensive tat she will never use?!

Ragwort · 09/12/2014 17:37

To be honest I would far rather have that arrangement than deal with all the inappropriate presents my DS has been given over the years - and having to encourage him to say 'thank you' nicely for something he has absolutely no interest in not all children like Lego and then have to take it to a charity shop - a long way away from where the giver might live Grin.

Buying presents for children is a nightmare, you don't know what they like, what they've already got, what their own parents might be buying etc etc.

MimsyBorogroves · 09/12/2014 17:40

I'd much rather have this than deal with either inappropriate presents, or deal with fielding well meaning but inappropriate suggestions over a protracted period of time - I know exactly what toys my DC have at home, what they play with and in general what they'd most like, so to me it'd be easier.

With my DM I just give her the name of the toy and she buys it though, that also works well Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/12/2014 17:48

A close friend of mine once spent ages thinking of lots of things for her dds Christmas presents - she didn't soend a fortune, but really worked hard at making her money go a long way, finding imaginative things they'd enjoy.

A couple of weeks before Christmas her mum and aunt came and went through the whole lot, saying 'Ooh - I'll give them this and this and this' - and basically annexed most of the presents, leaving her to think up a whole new list of presents, and do all the shopping to do again! She was not best pleased!

Donkeysleighbellsringing · 09/12/2014 18:13

I hear of several families doing that, tell yourself that way DD gets something she can genuinely take pleasure in.

Come to think of it SIL probably isn't too thrilled either.

Marylou2 · 09/12/2014 18:17

I'd just love to do this. MIL buys DD piles of inappropriate junk, think DVDs that are far too young for her, cheap clothes that don't fit abs other random items.I get to dispose of it all.Ot would be so much easier to buy something she actually wants.

AryaUnderfoot · 09/12/2014 18:18

I think there are far more important things to get irritated about.

CocobearSqueeze · 09/12/2014 18:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
hissingcat · 09/12/2014 19:00

ok, IABU Grin

it doesn't really bother me that much because as people have said at least DD is getting a gift she likes. I do feel sorry for SIL they have 8 other GC that she buys and wraps the presents for (only 4 are hers, others are her nephews and neices). I'm not sure why their parents don't get given money to buy the dc presents. I'm the only one.
They also didn't like it when I suggested DD getting the gift from santa on Christmas morning. They want to give it personally from them, not Santa when we visit them on Christmas day.
I buy gifts for DD for a couple of other relatives and those are there for her waking up on Christmas day.

OP posts:
Donkeysleighbellsringing · 09/12/2014 19:13

Very gracious OP Xmas Smile btw have you thought of asking straight-faced for something for DD YOU really fancy for yourself...? A piece of jewellery as an investment, perhaps?

Minisoksmakehardwork · 09/12/2014 19:25

My inlaws tell us their budget and ask us to get something. Or to tell them what to get. The way I see it is the children get something they will enjoy. And their grandparents get to see that. If they were left to their own devices, they would come up with something completely unsuitable and they cheerfully admit this.

Enjorasdream · 09/12/2014 20:15

Why don't you offer to wrap the gift for them, put it to one side, and pass it to them discreetly to give DD. It will take you a couple of minutes, and will hopefully make you feel better at having done a kindness for someone, rather than stewing because someone gets the 'glory' of giving a child a present in spite of the fact they didn't physically purchase it?
Life is too short.

Infinity8 · 09/12/2014 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzpig · 09/12/2014 21:01

I have been a bit sad about my parents doing this but now I only see the positives! My DCs get something great that I couldn't get them myself.

fuzzpig · 09/12/2014 21:04

I don't really understand the glory thing either. Eg scooters, my DCs both got those £60 micro scooters for their birthdays this year which we couldn't have afforded. I chose, ordered etc, I honestly couldn't care less that my grandma gets the glory for it, I'm just really pleased she was so generous and make sure the DCs know that too. :)

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 09/12/2014 21:09

I have a credit card of my mums. It is used mainly for buying the DCs presents for Christmas (they tend to get money for birthdays). Never bothers me, in fact I quite enjoy it as it means I get to buy more things for them but not have to pay. I pass the presents on (or get them delivered to my parents if buying over the internet) before Christmas for my parents (well mum) to wrap up.

I know what the DCs want more than my parents.

It has never occurred to me to be upset about it.

Pico2 · 09/12/2014 21:16

I much prefer doing this than getting random crap appearing in our house.

hauntedhenry · 09/12/2014 21:17

I get what you mean, OP. When DS1 was 4, DH and I decided to get him a bike for Christmas. A few weeks before Christmas we were having lunch at MILs and she asked us what we were getting him. We told her, and she said 'Oh, I'll buy it.' DH agreed and I stupidly said nothing.
To cut a long story short, DH and I ended up going to the shop, buying the bike, taking it to hers and taking DS there on Christmas day to receive it. And us frantically trawling around the shops at the last minute to find something to get him from us.
She tried to do the same last year and I said no thanks and explained why. Didn't go down well at all.
Yanbu. It's bloody annoying.

TheFairyCaravan · 09/12/2014 21:23

I had to do this for PILs for years, and it did bug me. I like to get my Christmas shopping done early and they'd wait until a couple of weeks before Christmas to give me the money to get their gift. I'd wrap it and give it to the kids. When they got to 11/12 I just gave them the money, I did ask PIL first.

What bugged me was, they used to ask SILs what their kids wanted and go out and buy it. They never did that for ours, it was just lazy.

And they are still bloody lazy, it's DS1's birthday this weekend. He's not here, he is in the Army. They know this. Where have they sent his card? Here! So muggins here has had to go to the bloody post office and send it to him! They piss me off!

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 09/12/2014 21:24

I suppose its how they do it. In my case its a situation of we'll buy it at the expense of my parents as we have a better idea what to get, but to use the "we'll buy it" line when its something you want to give your DC is annoying. Not for Christmas, but in general MIL does this. We might mention that we need to go shopping for some new shoes for DS for example and the next thing we know, she's bought some. Its my job to buy the rubbish stuff, its her job to buy them sweets and other tat that I will screw my face up at.

yellowdinosauragain · 09/12/2014 21:27

SDTG more fool your friend for not telling her mum and aunt to fuck off and buy their own presents Shock

SavoyCabbage · 09/12/2014 21:30

My mother in law bought my dd a THRONE for her first christmas. It came with a sceptre.

yellowdinosauragain · 09/12/2014 21:33

Loving though that on the grabby present thread everyone is aghast at the fact that someone might demand the present they want yet on here it's seen as a plus to be able to choose exactly what you want and to dismiss sometime else's carefully chosen presents as tat ConfusedHmm

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 09/12/2014 21:52

Dont understand yellow The Grabby thread is about people saying I want you to buy me this and that, whereas this thread is about the parents choosing the presents for the DCs from the grandparents for which the grandparents pay for instead of the grandparents physically going out and deciding what to buy.

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