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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my 4 week old DD with my DMum overnight?

50 replies

Fedupofplaystation · 09/12/2014 12:48

DH, DD1 (3years), DD2 (4weeks) and I have all had a horrible cold for the past week leading to little sleep. DD1 has been coughing throughout the night, waking and ending in our bed. DD2 has been snuffly and waking frequently and obviously still needs regular nighttime feeds.

I had a c-section, complicated by infection and bleeding. My DMum, who we are very close to as a family, has been offering to have DD2 overnight to allow DH and I a full nights sleep.

Unfortunately, breastfeeding didn't work out and I switched to formula after 2 weeks of expressing and bottle feeding. So it would be possible.

So far, I have been turning down the offer. The health visitor said it was important that only I feed her, so that she forms a close bond with one person. I also feel a need to be close to her and feel like I should be keeping DD2 in her same environment.

OTOH, a full nights sleep would be amazing.

DD1 stays at my DMums at least one night a week (through their choice, not as babysitting) - they are very close. DMum lives on the same street.

WIBU to leave such a small baby overnight?

OP posts:

NotActuallyAMum · 09/12/2014 12:51

Of course YANBU, I had several of my nieces and nephews overnight at a similar age for various reasons

magimedi · 09/12/2014 12:51

Not at all, in my view. But it is over 30 years since I had babies.

It's your mother (who sounds lovely) not a stranger & it means your DCs will also form a strong bond with their grandmother.

You & DH will be better parents if you are not chronically tired.

Greenstone · 09/12/2014 12:52

Do it woman! It's a no brainer

And buy your mum a box of nice chocolates

OfaFrenchMind · 09/12/2014 12:52

F*ck the HV. Get your rest, get better, and then you will be able to bond completely with your baby. Without unnecessary pain or exhaustion: that would be much more harmonious, no?

Take care!

Athyrium · 09/12/2014 12:52

Silly HV. What about dad? What about the old days when children were cared for in extended families? I think the more people they love/are loved by the better personally. Go for it, I wish I had a mum like yours!

Fallingovercliffs · 09/12/2014 12:53

I don't see the problem and don't understand your health visitor's advice either.

JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 09/12/2014 12:53

that stage is hard without the complications

Your hv advice is quite simply baffling! So your baby can only be fed by you? What about dh? You can't be expected to do everything, that's crazy.

If you think having a full nights sleep will help you, then do it. You won't be helping your dcs by running on empty, and you don't want to get to the stage where you actually can't cope anymore due to exhaustion.

Hope it works out

sauvignonblacks · 09/12/2014 12:54

Your mum sounds lovely, go for it.

Pregnantagain7 · 09/12/2014 12:54

100% yes do it. You need a break and someone who you love and trust is offering to help out snatch her hand off :)

Ds is 8 weeks and my mum is having him overnight on Saturday just to give me and dp some time together and a bit of a break.

roofio87 · 09/12/2014 12:54

Well I think your hv is wrong. I mostly fed my ds his bottles but his dad did plenty and so did grand parents, aunts etc. and we had no problems bonding. It is just one small aspect of your relationship. do it, it is just one night and you'll feel so much better!! (does she want my 14 mo too while she at it?!?! )

Pregnantagain7 · 09/12/2014 12:54

Oh and your hv is talking shite!

KarenHillavoidJimmyswarehouse · 09/12/2014 12:55

YANBU.

I left my 4 week only with my mum because I felt like I was going to die of exhaustion. Rather stupidly I did not use the time to catch up on my sleep. I thought a night out would make me feel more like me again. It did at the time but a hangover and a 4 week old baby is possibly the worst combination in the world.

Baby was absolutely fine by the way. You'll be fine too so long as you're more sensible than I was!

skinnyamericano · 09/12/2014 12:55

I would bite her hand off (so to speak!)

Enjoy a good night's sleep and what a fantastic Mum you have!

Quitelikely · 09/12/2014 12:56

Do it but also consider taking turns with your dh. So the night your 3 year old stays out let him look after the baby and you sleep in the toddlers room.

No good both of you getting disturbed if it's not necessary.

QueenofKelsingra · 09/12/2014 12:58

my DTs were in the sole care of my mother for a week at 5 weeks old as I was hospitalised and up to my eyeballs on morphine (gall stones/pancreatitis)

suffice to say the DTs took their bottles quite happily from DM but were equally happy to be fed by me when I got back. this has not effected my bond with my children or theirs with me. they are still very close to my mother, we see her several times a week still.

do it. I wouldn't think twice.

plus if she is only up the road, if you find you cant settle not being in the same house you can go up there.

your HV is clearly a loon.

RainbowRabbit33 · 09/12/2014 12:58

I'd do it. My DD (20 weeks) still seems to quite like me and she has been fed by lots and lots of different people, including several different maternity care assistants in hospital, her father, her uncle, both grandmothers and both grandfathers within the first four weeks.

She didn't stay over with the grandparents until she was 8 weeks, but that was because I wanted to cash in the babysitting chit for a specific occasion, rather than a worry of her forgetting I am her Mother.

I'm a bit scarred by stupid things said by my HV, can you tell?!

Let DD2 go. In fact ask if she'll have DD1 as well, get yourself out for a meal and a couple of drinks and then crash in glorious silence. You deserve it!

willowisp · 09/12/2014 12:58

What about if your mum stays with you & has the baby sleep with her ?that way she can feed in the night & you'll see her first thing in the morning ?

Or you both stay at your DMs ?

MommyBird · 09/12/2014 13:01

My mum had DD once a week from 2 weeks old!
That whole nights sleep, even if it was just once a week did absolute wonders.

SunnySomer · 09/12/2014 13:01

My mum stayed once a week every week for the first two months to take care of DS when he was born. It made my life liveable, getting a good 12 hour block of sleep once a week. DS (now 7) has no recollection of this. He has never minded who feeds him as long as he's fed.... Your HV sounds a bit mad.

Whippet81 · 09/12/2014 13:03

Agree with HV talking shite - my LO is 7 weeks and he's mainly fed by me or DP but all his grandparents, aunties and a few friends who have been over have all fed him. Surely you would just make them clingy? What happens if mum has to go back to work?

Anyway - let your mum have her - no one has had mine overnight but MIL lives next door and often comes and steals him for a few hours on a night.

KeepSmiling83 · 09/12/2014 13:04

I would do it. My mum looks after my DD overnight once a week (because she wants to, not as babysitting) and I am pregnant with DC2. I am sure we will carry on with this as she loves all the baby cuddles! I was extremely close to my nana and I know my mum wants the same relationship with my children.

One compromise could be you and DD2 stay at your mums but the baby in with her and then maybe your mum could bring her to you to feed if its important to you? Then she could do all the settling and you go straight back to sleep. I breastfed last time and this is what I did for a while so I still got a better nights sleep but could still feed.

That is only if you would feel better being with DD2, not because I don't think you should leave her with your mum BTW!

HowMuchMoreWee · 09/12/2014 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shelfontheelf · 09/12/2014 13:07

That statement from the HV is bollocks.

RunnerHasbeen · 09/12/2014 13:09

I've had a week+ stay in hospital each birth and the nurses have fed him at night to help me recover, without a whisper of nonsense about bonding with only one person - your DD is not a duckling. I have help from my parents when I need it and it makes me happier and healthier for when I am looking after the DCs.

Could you stay at your mums maybe, if you do find it hard? Perhaps your DD1 might want to go instead, as a treat, if she is getting up in the night as well.

CocobearSqueeze · 09/12/2014 13:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

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