To leave my 4 week old DD with my DMum overnight?

[Fedupofplaystation]

DH, DD1 (3years), DD2 (4weeks) and I have all had a horrible cold for the past week leading to little sleep. DD1 has been coughing throughout the night, waking and ending in our bed. DD2 has been snuffly and waking frequently and obviously still needs regular nighttime feeds.

I had a c-section, complicated by infection and bleeding. My DMum, who we are very close to as a family, has been offering to have DD2 overnight to allow DH and I a full nights sleep.

Unfortunately, breastfeeding didn't work out and I switched to formula after 2 weeks of expressing and bottle feeding. So it would be possible.

So far, I have been turning down the offer. The health visitor said it was important that only I feed her, so that she forms a close bond with one person. I also feel a need to be close to her and feel like I should be keeping DD2 in her same environment.

OTOH, a full nights sleep would be amazing.

DD1 stays at my DMums at least one night a week (through their choice, not as babysitting) - they are very close. DMum lives on the same street.

WIBU to leave such a small baby overnight?

Do it

Mine were bf and hadn't tried bottle at this age but both my mother , father and mil came over at various times and slept with baby so we caught up on sleep. Just brought baby in for feed if needed but then resettled etc, watched baby in eve if we went out etc.

Now 3 and 4 years they still love spending time with grandparents and stay a few weeks a year in the holidays

Wow, so many not unreasonable posts. I thought there'd be loads of posts saying that she's only a tiny baby and needs to be with her mum.

Thank you. DMum will be pleased.

Do it! My own DM has a wonderful bond with DD as she cared for her a lot in the first weeks of her life.

DD does still like me a lot though so I don't think it adversely effected our bond

Enjoy. It's amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you!

Go for it, your HV is talking nonsense!

MIL took DD for two nights when she was 5 weeks old, I was on my knees with exhaustion.
Grab as much sleep as you can.

Yes my dd often tells me of the stress I caused her by letting a nurse feed her at 4 weeks. She's never forgiven me

what utter nonsense.

I'm sorry you have had such a rough time. Poor you and your poor dc. A good sleep will do you the world of good. Don't you dare question the decision.

wishing you a peaceful night and that you all feel better soon

YANBU - do it. DS was breastfed by me and syringe fed by midwives in hospital then when we came out we were advised that he shouldn't be bottle fed by me so DH/DM did it (or any visitors). Now he's 3 months and fed by whoever' nearest. Nothing wrong with our bond.

get your mum round to yours. i sat with the baby couple of nights just after daughter had given birth. when you're exhausted, its the best thing to do.

I would kill for that kind of help. DD3 is 6 months old next week and waking up a lot at night. I am breastfeeding and at some point will need to have DH settle her without offering her milk, but we live in a terraced house and sound travels easily, so we have to wait until we can go to my parent's house.

Do it, do not think twice.

She is a tiny baby and needs love and warmth and cuddles.

If that is provided by a loving gran one night (or 2!) a week, then how lovely for everyone involved.

Hv is talking shite, enjoy your night off!

I left my DS with my mum and Dad at 3 weeks old.

I was BF'ing but left milk.

He was fine- I was left with boobs ready to explode by morning

I really don't think this is an issue - baby will be safe, cuddled and fed. You should ignore HV and do what works for you.

Go for it. This is one of the major advantages of bottle feeding - you actually have choices like this. I think your HV is overstating things a little.

I am moving 200 plus miles next month when DC2 arrives pretty much exclusively so my DM can help out - with DH working full time after paternity leave, and DD to care for during the day, I would be broken without the extra help (at least if DC2 sleeps as little as DD did!)

You go for it. Your DM sounds fab. Your HV is a loon.

Your HV sounds like someone who has read a little bit about attachment theory and misunderstood it.

Your baby needs to build loving, responsive relationships with the people who care for her and feed times are perfect opportunities for doing that.

Yes, she does need to be with someone with whom she is building an attachment but that could be you, your DH, your DM or anyone else who is deeply involved in her care. It's also fine for her to be fed by a virtual stranger now and then. Just not all the time.

Some mothers couldn't bear the thought of being separate from their child overnight at this stage and that is perfectly valid but, if you're happy for your DM to take your baby, it's a great idea and a good night's sleep can only help.

Go for it and ignore your HV

OP, you need to practice saying "Really? Really?" to your health visitor whilst giving the patented Mumsnet .

What dosh. Your mum and baby will have a swell time.

I'd ignore the HV. It's one thing to be offering your child to the checkout woman to feed and quite another for your mum to do it!!

Personally I wouldn't at 4 weeks. I would definitely get a rota going with dh a couple of nights a week though.

One parent sleeps in your bed with 3 year old and baby, the other sleeps in 3 year olds bed for a full night.

I have to say, I don't see why your DH can't give you a Friday or Saturday night or both child free once you are both back to full health of course.

Are there any normal HVs out there?

Every single one I've encountered has given the most bananas advice. Especially about feeding.

YANBU That advice from your HV sounds odd, plenty of parents share bottle feeds right from the outset. You sound exhausted, go get some sleep!

The health visitor said it was important that only I feed her, so that she forms a close bond with one person.

Where'd this HV get their licence? Community college?

Maybe my baby is just a special snowflake here, but before she was even 2 months old she was consistently fed by: Me, DH, DB, DM, and DF. She is perfectly adjusted and has a bond with all of us, while still bonding more to me and DH. In fact, that's we purposely had my family feed her and cuddle her when she was young so she'd have a bond from the get go and it would be easier to leave her over night with them. Babies are smarter and tougher than people give them credit for.

It's paid off. We can leave her a few days at a time with my parents while we catch up on sleep or run off to have some fun. She has a great time and barely misses us, which is a good thing.

Leave DD with your mother if she a good and capable carer. It will only benefit DD to have a close bond with her grandmother. :)

Not only are you being completely reasonable, I am nearly in tears I'm so envious of people who have had or are getting a night off! Does anyone know how much I'd have to pump to be able to leave the baby a night? I'm on my knees here. DS is 6 weeks. It honestly makes me want to switch to formula.

Go for it!

The midwife is a twat.

Do it!

If you feel anxious, you can always go and get her, since she isnt that far away.

Or maybe you can stay at your mums with DH and your mum goes to yours so the girls can stay in their own beds.

Do it! Or, if you don't feel completely
Comfortable with the idea, maybe ask your mum to stay over and take care of night feeds?

Grumpa and I had our grandson overnight from 2 weeks old, and since he started sleeping through at about 15 months we extended it to twice a week. I've been very careful to listen to any rules/routine but it seems DGS just accepts he has 2 homes where he gets all the love, stimulation and fun he needs.

If you're comfy that your mum will do what you want and not what she thinks is right (a few things have changed since I was a mum) then go for it. Got to go - grandson is pulling me off the settee to play with a singing trio of Santa, reindeer and snowman!