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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Phoning all the time is very annoying

33 replies

Edenviolet · 08/12/2014 17:47

DM is ill and in intensive care. We (myself, db and dsis) have tried to explain to other family members that one of us will phone a couple of times a day to see how she is and/or visit and relay info to them as its very busy in intensive care and the drs etc probably could do without calls all the time.

Nobody will listen! DMs sister and niece keep phoning all the time and will not accept that we have asked them not to. Surely its common sense to let the hospital get on with making people better rather than bombarding them with 5 plus calls a day about the same patient???

OP posts:
DoubleValiumLattePlease · 08/12/2014 17:54

I'd tell a bit of a lie here and say that the medical staff have asked you to nominate one party to phone and then just a couple of times a day as they are very busy and constant phonecalls may impair the level of care they can offer to you DM.
Hope she gets better soon Smile

hiddenhome · 08/12/2014 17:55

It's inconsiderate and immature of them to do this.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 08/12/2014 17:58

We have asked and said that we would phone first thing and then text an update daily and one later after visiting and another before bed but it seems to have become a competition! They Will phone stupidly early (about 6-7am) then text us as if to tell us "we phoned first" and when db was visiting today DMs niece was phoning to get an update! We had said after db had seen DM HE would update!

The staff there have really sick people to care for and they are having to answer calls its absolute madness but seems to have turned into a power struggle especially with DMs sister.

OP posts:
LIZS · 08/12/2014 18:04

when dm was in hospital we were asked not to call before 10am as they had ward rounds to complete. Also only immediate relatives were given info.

RunsWithScissors · 08/12/2014 18:05

Is it possible for you to ask the hospital staff to not give them any info? I'd have thought there might be a data protection issue if your mother or you on her behalf asked for them not to pass the info along.

Hopefully it would stop the calls ince they realised they weren't getting anywhere, thus giving the staff less headache too.

Hope your mum is better soon!

SmokingGun · 08/12/2014 18:08

Could you speak to the nursing staff and ask that no info is passed on to any one other than certain nominated people? Maybe your family will get the hint after a while of the nurses refusing to speak to them.
Otherwise, you could explain the extra stress and pressure they are adding to an already difficult situation and they need to (kindly) back off.

SmokingGun · 08/12/2014 18:08

Sorry, I forgot to say u hope your DM gets better soon Flowers

quietlysuggests · 08/12/2014 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/12/2014 18:27

You have tole your mum's sister that she has to go through you to find out how her sister is. Wow, unless there is a back story YABU.

ilovesooty · 08/12/2014 18:30

I can see what you're saying but I think your mother's sister probably sees herself as immediate family and doesn't want updated from other family members.

fairgame · 08/12/2014 18:39

If it is getting too much the nurses will say something.

If you know that they are ringing then why don't you wait for them to update you?

I hope your Mum gets better soon Flowers

Infinity8 · 08/12/2014 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 08/12/2014 20:51

No back story with DMs sister at all, in fact I think she's lovely. She did have a massive argument with dsis the other day at hospital though but I wasn't involved so not sure if the problem is her trying to get one up on dsis?

The problem I have with it is that I've been in there (itu) and I have never seen a ward like that before. They are very busy there. Each bed has its own phone and a nurse for each patient and when we've been there the nurse is attending to DM and the phone rings so its gloves off quickly answer phone etc etc and I just think that could be avoided by there being one point of contact who relays info rather than the medical staff being interrupted on a ward where they need to be concentrating on patients not answering the phone. The phone by DMs bed and the general ward number has been used a lot and like when I was in post natal ward the rule was one designated family member calls and tells everyone else what's going on to avoid too many calls.

OP posts:
AnyoneforTurps · 08/12/2014 20:57

YANBU - this is difficult for medical/nursing staff and I'm sure the team looking after your DM would like you to nominate one relative to feed back to the others. Having said that, you can't insist. Your DM's sis is just as entitled to information as you are - the guidance is that, when a patient is too sick to consent to disclosure of information, clinicians should take a common sense approach and share information that they think the patient would want their relatives to have.

Could a compromise be that they ring every other day and you text them on the day in between?

Didactylos · 08/12/2014 21:05

as a frequent icu worker- YANBU at all

Time answering the calls is time away from your mother and any other patients - the most vulnerable in the hospital.
plus- the amount of info that can be given out over the phone, especially when you have no idea who you are talking to and need to preserve the patients medical confidentiality is pretty minimal. So several people are calling to hear 'no change' 'much the same' 'still sick' individually which is pretty pointless

the staff will however be used to such situations and know how emotions run high when someone is so unwell so will manage as best they can, hoping the reassurance will help family members. if it gets too much they will ask the family to nominate someone who handles communication and disseminates this to the rest of the family- from calls and meetings/updates with staff

Original poster
Edenviolet · 08/12/2014 21:17

I wouldn't ever say DMs sister couldn't phone I've just been trying to get everybody to realise that all of us phoning for the same info is a bit pointless. It just seems to be a case of who can get the updates out first and is a bit petty.

Dsis has just called and has text everyone how DM is but rest assured the hospital will get further calls tonight from other relatives and it seems silly.

OP posts:
FoxgloveFairy · 08/12/2014 23:50

Yes, it can be a big problem, a large number of family calling every day, often two or three times, speaking as a nurse. Especially as your Mum is in ICU, I can also appreciate everyone is extremely worried. Totally understandable. It would be good though of one or two family could be nominated to update, which it sounds like you are trying to do, and the rest honor that. Really tough one.

2rebecca · 09/12/2014 00:05

I'm quite a private person so if I was in hospital I would tell the nursing staff I wanted all info to go via my husband and children. We usually had a nominated phoner and if someone visited they would phone when they got back.
There's being worried and there's wanting to be the centre of attention and unwilling to be told stuff.

sanfairyanne · 09/12/2014 00:33

i really wouldnt worry about it. keep on texting your updates, the nurses can always say if it is too much. hope your mum is on the mend soonThanks

Writerwannabe83 · 09/12/2014 05:04

If my sister was in ICU I world be in absolute pieces and nothing would stop me calling the hospital to ask after her. There's no way on this planet I would be satisfied with 3 text messages a day to inform me of her progress, not a chance. Have some compassion and give them some slack, they are understandable very worried.

I'm sorry your mom is ill, especially so close to Christmas and I hope things improve Flowers

FabULouse · 09/12/2014 07:25

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/12/2014 07:30

Why don't you ask the staff if it's a problem?

Walkacrossthesand · 09/12/2014 07:33

What are the distances involved - are you close enough to visit frequently and the others not? If so, perhaps you could stop phoning and get your updates on your visits, leaving the phone calls to those who can't get there in person?

LineRunner · 09/12/2014 07:41

I am with the concept of bedside phones in intensive care and medical staff stopping treatment to answer the phone.

What madness is this?

When my dad was in ICU there was only the ward number to ring and they took his mobile away so he could rest. And quite rightly so - he was very ill. That's why he was there. The staff were quite specific about when to ring and who could ring.

LineRunner · 09/12/2014 07:41

I am struggling with the concept...

Sorry