Phoning all the time is very annoying

[Edenviolet]

DM is ill and in intensive care. We (myself, db and dsis) have tried to explain to other family members that one of us will phone a couple of times a day to see how she is and/or visit and relay info to them as its very busy in intensive care and the drs etc probably could do without calls all the time.

Nobody will listen! DMs sister and niece keep phoning all the time and will not accept that we have asked them not to. Surely its common sense to let the hospital get on with making people better rather than bombarding them with 5 plus calls a day about the same patient???

When my Dad was in ICU the nursing staff politely asked that only one family member should phone & then relay any news to the rest of the family. We were happy with this as it made sense. Looking after the patients takes priority.

whereas we were told we could ring any time, day or night if we couldnt sleep.
the icu will tell you or them if it becomes too much. dont worry about this, it isnt important.wishing your mum well x

Sorry about your Mum. Hope she is getting good treatment.

YABitU for trying to control who can phone the hospital. It's up to the hospital staff to speak up if the number of tel calls interferes with patient care.

As a nurse we normally ask one member of the family to be the nominated point of call and a password it set up so more detailed information can be given as all calls go through the wards main lines so it does get pretty frustrating when you are desperately waiting for the Dr to ring back but instead you have to say the same thing to 8 members of the same family "no change". We get into trouble if we don't answer the phone within a set number if rings.

Ps-I understand that your relative is ill and you are worried but please let us actually care for the patient. It's so frustrating especially when the callers will only speak to the nurse in charge/won't accept a message as the main nurse in charge of the care of the patient is busy.

Yanbu, nurse here too and it can take up a huge amount of time talking to several family members saying the same thing. I'd recommend nominating one person to ring and telling nursing staff that's the only person who's to be given information, I'd bet they will appreciate that too. I understand your aunt is upset and worried but assuming she's not next of kin she's actually not entitled to be told anything. hope your dm improves soon

You have my sympathies re:your mum and your family. We are entering our third year of crumbliness amongst the relatives and have done a lot of hospital liason as a result.

When my DM was ill my Dad did all the liason and generally sent round a daily email - she was in for six plus months so when she was stable it would be less frequent and when sick more frequent. She eventually died after years of chronic and 8months of acute illness.
When her mother then became ill my maternal aunt became my DGM's NOK and wouldn't do this. It was too difficult to email/text/ call us and in fact on a few ocassions she didn't even tell us my Gran had gone into hospital. Aunt lived miles away and used to compensate for the distance by phoning all the time. I found it really embarrassing at various points - my Gran was stable but unable to use the phone herself. Family members were visiting and updating my aunt after each visit but she still insisted on phoning 3or 4 times a day. She and my uncle used to complain about how long it took to get the phone answered or to get the right nurse. I eventually decided that they were just demonstrating their own ignorance and revealing how little time they spent on the ward. Beyond reassuring the nurses that we were keeping them updated there wasn't much we could do.

In retrospect I think this attitude really reflected her own attitudes. She was very poor at passing on information and I suspect was worried that we would withhold info from her in the way she was doing to us (although our track record with my DM rather indicated that we wouldn't). I found out 3 days before my Gran died that she had actively chosen a palliative only course of treatment 8 weeks previously and my aunt had been present and included in all the discussions. If my sibs and I had been given that information we would all have been able to go and see her while she was still lucid. In fact both my aunts children did travel to see her. Instead I had to work out from my Dad's description of coma that this was her final illness and arrange a visit at very short notice causing massive inconvenience at work. My sister lives abroad and that communication failure prevented her from seeing my Grandmother alive.

I struggle to live with this as it has caused so much hurt and didn 'to serve her mother at all.

My paternal grandmother is now unwell and we are back to a single family contact point - in this case my Paternal aunt but my dad is doing a lot of the emailing as they speak multiple times a day.

YANBU. When my dad was ill it was just understood in the wider family that my mother or myself and my two siblings would keep people informed. Which we did and also made sure, when we were told there was nothing more they could do, that his brother and sister were with us at his bedside when he died.
Staff in ICU are busy and they really haven't time to be running to the phone regularly to speak to brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews of their patients as well as the spouse and children of the ill person.