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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child Free Holidays

39 replies

Elfhame · 27/11/2014 10:07

Is it normal to go on holidays abroad and leave your kids at home with their grandparents? If you couldn't afford a holiday abroad for all the family, wouldn't you just holiday in this country with the whole family?

AIBU to be annoyed that my parents used to do this? They had 3 kids btw

OP posts:

NoSundayWorkingPlease · 27/11/2014 10:12

Yanbu.

As a one off or special occasion (thinking friends wedding abroad and no dc invited, or a long weekend in Paris for a big Anniversary) I get it.

But I do know people who go abroad every year for a week or a fortnight's 'regular' holiday and leave the dc with grandparents. I feel sorry for the kids tbh.

MrsWolowitz · 27/11/2014 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 27/11/2014 10:18

Well it's not something we would have done as family holidays are lovely.

I suppose if you are very rich and can afford to do both then it's ok but each to their own.

Titsalinabumsquash · 27/11/2014 10:19

I think it depends on what sort of breaks/holidays you have as a family.

If the parents are swanning off for a few weeks a year without the kids and the kids get no holidays with patents then I think it's unreasonable.
However if you do one family holiday a year and then one without the kids it's fairer. Iyswim?

fairylightsintheloft · 27/11/2014 10:23

we did 5 days away as a honeymoon when the kids were 4 and 2. the GP came and stayed at our house. We are doing it again at Easter (we are actually not away together, just unfortunate timing that the two trips coincide) and they are going to stay at the GPs which is by the sea and they'll have a ball. Personally I don't think it is necessary to spend the money and the hassle of taking kids abroad until they are at least 8/9 and will appreciate and remember it. You can holiday perfectly well in the UK for the kind of thing that they want to do - its easier NOT to have to frantically apply suncream every five minutes. I also think that adults are entitled to spend a bit of money on themselves every now and again. - It doesn't always have to be all about the children.

Fanfeckintastic · 27/11/2014 10:26

Hate this martyry attitude. You do what you feel is right and leave other people to it, I highly doubt the children need your pity. I'm going to Paris for a weekend in Feb with DP, girls weekend away in March for the third time since having DD (3yrs) and I'm going down the country to see a singer song writer I adore the weekend after next!

I don't feel one iota of guilt, I've brought DD abroad on my own, we've had many weekends away, we're always heading off on little adventures, have hours and hours of unadulterated quality time so feck that I function much better when I live my life not just for her but for me as well!

TempusFuckit · 27/11/2014 10:28

What is it that bothers you? The fact that you as children missed out on trips abroad?

Would it have been acceptable if your parents stayed at home? Or do you think parents are bad parents if they want any prolonged child-free time?

Snaveanator · 27/11/2014 10:30

Me and my partner used to do an annual ibiza trip every summer and leave DC with my mum! We would go for 4 nights! I do t think I could go on holiday for a week or two and leave him though, I'd miss him too much and he absolutely loves holidays so this summer we took him to ibiza with us (obviously no partying haha!)

fluffymouse · 27/11/2014 10:35

I don't get it.

I know a mum who left her baby from 6 montha old for a week regularly to go on ski holidays and other shenanigans with her dh. I wonder why she had children.

magimedi · 27/11/2014 10:36

My, late, DM used to have DS for a week or ten days when he was 8+, during term time.

DH & I had a lovely adult time together & I am certain that it is one of the reasons we are still happily married after 30 years.

I know we were very lucky to have DM & to be able to afford to go away.

It is important to focus on your relationship with your partner, as well as considering your children.

NotTodaySatan · 27/11/2014 10:38

My parents did it more than once leaving 4 of us with a not particularly close friend of the family.

I couldn't. DP booked us a weekend to Prague last year and I chickened out at the last minute because I couldn't leave DD (who was 5) with his Mum .

Horses for courses.

ssd · 27/11/2014 10:39

"Hate this martyry attitude." above by Fanfeckintastic

good for you Fanfeckintastic, you're obviously not short of a bob or two

hate the idea that if you dont have babysitters on tap or money to burn then you're a martyr for never leaving your kids

Fanfeckintastic · 27/11/2014 10:46

A martyr for never leaving your kids? Please don't be so ridiculous it's not about being able to afford it or not it's the question "would you", "why do people do it" etc and so far nobody has said they would if they could afford to. The tone of the original post is clearly judging people who do.

TempusFuckit · 27/11/2014 10:47

ssd - I really don't think that's what Fanfeckintastic. She was talking about people who don't leave their children on principle, rather than because of lack of funds.

Like fluffymouse, who clearly thinks that if you only spend 98% of your days with your child rather than 100%, that makes you an unsuitable mother.

We're short of money at the moment, so when our kids went to the grandparents for a week (and had an amazing time without us), we simply stayed at home, and I got catsbummouth from some quarters for that.

EilisCitron · 27/11/2014 10:51

Fanfeckingtastic is right that people should get on with what suits them and their children, but the OP is actually about a situation where she felt, I think, left out when her parents did this. Something wasn't right there. Personally (knowing, I freely admit, fuck all) I doubt she would be worrying about it, if it was just the odd childfree short holiday. Maybe her parents never took them away. Maybe they didn't seem to have any time for their children in general.

I think the OP was hurt by things her parents did / didn't do over time, and is looking to MN to vindicate that hurt, because MN is in general very child-centred and will confirm that no, we should not do things that make our children unhappy or lonely. So OP, in that sense, YANBU

Mammanat222 · 27/11/2014 10:53

Well we've never left DS overnight (I know - we've just had no real need to?) and I'd miss him too much to have an actual holiday without him.

Never say never though! Me and OH turn 40 the same year and may have a special once in a lifetime trip together to mark the occasion minus the kids (who will be 8 & 6 by that time) or we might not.

DialsMavis · 27/11/2014 11:01

I haven't because I couldn't afford that and family holidays, but we have had weekends away. I would leave them for up to a week, but would be pining a bit after day 5. I don't love them any less than anyone else loves their DC, but I would love some adult time with DP, I think our relationship and in turn the atmosphere in our home (not that it's bad, but we are v busy and take each other for granted) would improve and it would benefit all of us.

Sheitgeist · 27/11/2014 11:13

YABU
Our oldest (of 5) is 22 now. Over the years, Dh and I have had around 6 long weekends away together, and two week long breaks away without the kids. Nothing in recent years as our parents are older now. However, DS22 and DD20 said they would mind the younger ones in a couple of months' time, so DHG and I can have one or two nights away for my birthday.

How guilty do I feel about this? Not an iota
Have my children suffered? Not a bit:I might add that we take the children on holiday at least once a year, too. And they loved going to stay with GPs.

Were you annoyed at the time, OP, or have just thought about it and decided now that you are annoyed about it?

whois · 27/11/2014 11:21

I know a mum who left her baby from 6 montha old for a week regularly to go on ski holidays and other shenanigans with her dh. I wonder why she had children.

Because when you have chikdren, you shouldn't stop being a person in your own right. If you like skiing and can afford it, why not go for a week? Babies aren't going to get much out of a ski trip are they!

You don't have to spend every second of every day with you children to be a good parent.

Personally, I find the attitude of becoming nothing but a 'mother' very tiring.

I don't think I'll stop wanting to go skiing when I have children but would be excited for when they become old enough to come too and get something out of it.

DollyMcDolly · 27/11/2014 11:24

I've been on a few weekend breaks away in the UK. My son stays at my sister's home with his two cousins and he has a great time. I have never felt guilty. It is the only time we get to spend as a couple as we have no friends or family living near us.

rebelfor · 27/11/2014 11:35

I go away for a couple of 'weekends away' but would feel to guilty going abroad for a week or two without my child.

rebelfor · 27/11/2014 11:36

*too

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/11/2014 11:45

I think it depends. My DH used to spend time at his grandparents every year and loved it. Said it was much better than family holidays (camping!). But yo are clearly a bit bitter about it and it sounds like you feel your parents couldn't wait to get rid of you so they could enjoy themselves. I don't thinks it's the mechanics of who looks after children and how much holiday people get, wehre and with whom. It's about feeling like you are wanted and loved. If you feel dumped on your grandparents then that is obviously not going to make you feel good about your childhood.

addictedtobass · 27/11/2014 11:46

Depends on the holiday and depends on the kids and their ages. Now my cousin's children have hit 10 they can't think of anything more embarrassing then to be seen with their parents. So they happily stay and get spoilt by nan and grandad while mum and dad go away for a week.

addictedtobass · 27/11/2014 11:47

When your parents did it OP, where were they going? And how old were you?

Perhaps they did as my exes parents did and went on swingers holidays' hence the lack of invite! :)

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