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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child Free Holidays

39 replies

Elfhame · 27/11/2014 10:07

Is it normal to go on holidays abroad and leave your kids at home with their grandparents? If you couldn't afford a holiday abroad for all the family, wouldn't you just holiday in this country with the whole family?

AIBU to be annoyed that my parents used to do this? They had 3 kids btw

OP posts:

Jayne35 · 27/11/2014 12:06

DH and I are 40 next year so we are going abroad for 2 weeks alone, DCs are now 16 and 18 now so it's not a problem. We have had weekends away regularly while they were growing up but first longer holiday was a cruise 2 years ago, we did take them abroad later the same year. I don't see anything wrong with holidays without children, as long as DC are happy to stay with GPs/Family/Friends. My DC were always spoilt at GPs and choose to spend time there still.

spamanderson · 27/11/2014 12:06

Personally, and I know some differ but I am of the opinion that you have a family to spend time with them. A holiday for us, wouldn't be a holiday without our children. I recently had to go away for 3 days without my girls for a work related thing, I very nearly didn't go and it was hell being away from them for that long. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all as I don't agree with it either.

Selinasupreme · 27/11/2014 12:11

I didn't take DS on my honeymoon to Amsterdam after taking him earlier in the year I decided after dark it's not really the sort of place we wanted to take him again. We went for 2 days but any longer would have been hard and I did feel guilty.

ohweeeell · 27/11/2014 12:23

What spamanderson said! I recently visited a friend for 2 days who had moved aboard, I was so looking forward to it, DH & DD stayed home, I was excited to see my friend and get 'a break'. Seeing my friend was lovely but I missed them so much, I spent the entire time wanting to come home, it wasn't a break without them there, both of them.

Writerwannabe83 · 27/11/2014 12:26

Me and my DH can't wait for DS to be old enough to stay with FIL so we can have a child free holiday

WooWooOwl · 27/11/2014 12:34

I go away on week long holidays without my children, but they stay with their father. I wouldn't do it if it couldn't afford a family holiday, that always comes first because I would feel very guilty going abroad without allowing my children to do the same. But as my children do get a holiday abroad every year, I don't feel at all guilty for going away without them and if they got cross with me for going I'd be wondering where I'd gone wrong to turn them into ungrateful and spoiled brats.

DragonMamma · 27/11/2014 12:35

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing as long as the child free holiday isn't to the detriment of a family holiday.

We've done a couple of weekend breaks for friends weddings etc and have enjoyed those. When the DCs were toddlers and babies I was more up for leaving them, they are school aged now and we really enjoy their company, plus they love holidays so I'd feel mean not taking them.

That said, when they are 18 and 15, we are swanning off to somewhere exotic for 2 weeks of R&R to congratulate ourselves on surviving parenthood!

crazykat · 27/11/2014 12:38

For me it depends. We've never been away without our DCs because we can't afford to. If we had the money to go away just us then we would, as long as we could also afford to go away with the DCs as well.

IMO its not right for parents to go on holiday alone at the expense of taking the kids on holiday. Your life as an adult doesn't disappear when you have kids but its not fair to carry on with holidays/weekends away without kids and not takin them somewhere as well.

We can rarely afford to go out for dinner alone but if we had the money to have a holiday/weekend away by ourselves and a family holiday then I wouldn't feel any guilt whatsoever.

MissHJ · 27/11/2014 12:41

My mum left me and my sister and brother for a week while she went to China. We were 10,8 and 4. No I do not feel damaged by her going away haha. We had a fantastic week with our grandparents.

My son is too young really I feel to spend a night with another person(15 months). However in a couple of years, I would not feel bad about having some time with my oh away for a few days. My son adores his nanny and I know he would be fine with her for a couple of days.

crappyday · 27/11/2014 12:45

I've been away for a week without my children. Twice. Both times they stayed with GPs.
They love going to gps.
In fact, last year we took our older 2 kids skiing and left youngest DD behind as she'd have had to be in childcare the whole time.
When older DD realised that younger was staying with GPs she was furious because she wanted to stay with them too!

My DH works very long hours, often evenings and weekends too, and we need to spend some time alone together.
I feel no guilt at all.

Fanfeckintastic · 27/11/2014 12:46

I'm a bit at "I don't agree with it", what's not to agree with when we're speaking about people besides ourselves?

RiverTam · 27/11/2014 12:47

maybe a holiday with 3 DC wasn't much of a holiday for your parents? Maybe they were better parents simply because they had a break from it every now and then. Did you have a good time with your GPs? Did you also have holidays with your parents?

Yours answers are key to whether your parents were being U or not, and anyone else's decisions on this point are irrelevant, because every family is different.

Pyjamaface · 27/11/2014 12:49

I've been on holiday 3 times without DS (5) He stays at home with DP and I don't feel guilty at all.

He is not deprived of anything, he does loads of fun stuff, sleepovers with/without me and he gets to run circles around Daddy for a week!

For 1 week at a time I get to properly relax and do things I enjoy without thinking how to squeeze it in to school times or how to make it interesting/fun for a child. I do miss him but we skype everyday.

If that means some people don't know why I had children then so be it.

Orlasuzanne · 27/11/2014 12:52

Yanbu
people clearly have very different views on this subject, but I personally think it's selfish to leave young children at home while you go off on holiday. You only have children for a short part of your life, make the most of family holidays while you have the chance because it won't be long before they have grown up and moved on. There is plenty of time to go on holiday without them then.

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