to have bought a £40 wedding gift?

[Carrierpenguin]

One of my oldest/best friends got married recently. She chose to get married abroad, which cost me c£800 to attend ouch I would never have chosen to go to this destination if it hadn't been for her wedding, there was no cheap option so I had to suck it up, as did the other guests.

The gift list asked for cash, or there was a john Lewis list with some fancy crockery etc. My friend said to me 'oh don't get me anything, you paid to come overseas'. But I decided to get her a personalised photo frame with a nice photo of us, it cost £40. When I gave it to her she looked at it, then tossed it aside and said we needed to go for dinner. I tried mentioning it to her a few weeks later but she just said 'its sweet' and changed the subject. So wibu to spend only £40 on a personalised gift, when she'd made clear she wanted money?

She is lucky to get anything. I think if you get married abroad and expect guests to cover their travel and accomodation costs then you lose the right to wedding presents be it cash or otherwise.

I think she'd be an ex friend by now.

A photo of you and her? Or a photo of you, her and the groom?

But YANBU any gift is a lovely gift.

Well she was pretty clear wasn't she? So although I don't particularly think YABU about your gift, YABU if you expect her to be over the moon about it.

She said she didn't want anything, so really don't think she's grabby. Weddings are incredibly stressful, no matter what option you take, it is (for the majority) an exercise in trying to keep people happy. She may well have had a lot on her mind, and I expect that a lot of people, despite best intentions, let manners slip.

I would expect a sincere thank you in the coming weeks...or would then start being annoyed.

But to give her a photo frame. That's such a lovely gift. She probably isn't aware of how much it cost you though (£40 for a photo frame surprises me!). YANBU.

Also, for those who are having a moan about weddings abroad. As long as there is no insistence on attending, who cares?! I'm sure the friend didn't expect the OP to attend, she has told the OP not to get anything in recognition of costs incurred getting there.

You miserable lot are all BU to be so mean about the friend!

I too think its odd giving someone a photo of yourself for their wedding .

That said, unless you are mega rich, then I wouldn't spend £800 going to a wedding.
If, in some other universe I did that, then I'd take heed of the instruction not to get the a present.

Is she the sort who would generally appreciate a forty fecking pound photo frame?

But she told you not to get her anything, so don't really see how that is grabby.

Not at all unreasonable to pay £40 for a wedding gift. I would assume she didn't like the gift rather than she was grabby/wanted something more expensive. I'm personally not keen on photos, in particular photos of myself and wouldn't display them in my house. But she could have at least pretended to be more pleased.

Your friend said she didn't want a present and she behaved like she never wants another present ever again.

That said, I'm with BackforGood. Have you never seen the Big Bang Theory episode where Amy gives Penny a portrait of the two of them....

What is a personalised photo frame? Does it have your names around it or something? Or was it a generic frame into which you put a photo?

Thanks. It was a photo of my friend and I, though she could easily replace it with another photo if she wanted. I liked the gift, I didn't want to but her a bin or something (there was one on the list) I wanted to get her a sentimental gift. Unfortunately she's told me how generous some of the other guests were, that's why I asked Aibu

£40 is more than I'd usually spend on a wedding gift. And when I got married guests varied hugely on how much they spent - many spent only £10-20.

I would guess that maybe she thought it was odd to give a photo of yourself to her as a wedding gift. I don't really have photos of my friends on my walls, maybe she doesn't either

OTOH, maybe she just didn't want to look at a photo of herself. I really hate photos of myself.

She has loads of photos in frames in her house, she likes them.

I have a family member who used to give me framed pictures of their children for Christmas. Bit odd. I never put them up.

Yanbu to have bought the gift it sounds lovely....

She actually said not to het anything do I don't think she's grabby.

You were very generous and sweet to buy her a gift at all. Husband and I got married abroad, immediate family and two friends were our only guests and there is no way on earth I would have expected them to buy us a present as well as pay to attend our wedding. We did get a couple of presents like photo frames and a set of wine glasses and mil was incredibly generous and gave us money when we returned home. We didn't do a wedding list on the grounds that we couldn't expect anyone to buy us a gift when they hadn't been invited to our wedding. Again though, friends and family who hadn't been there were incredibly generous with gifts.

Your friend is rude.

The fact she "tossed it aside" was the show-stopper for me.

How ungrateful! The least she could have done was to graciously accept the gift.

What an atrocious cunt.

Her, not you btw