To think it reasonable that DD got a late card this morning....

[hillbilly]

DD (9) is notoriously reluctant to tidy her room. We have a cleaner once a week and tbh her only chore is to make sure bedroom is tidied beforehand so that the cleaner can actually clean. She was supposed to do it yesterday before bedtime and made a half hearted attempt. Fast forward to this morning - she was up at 6.45am and when I got up at 7 I mentioned that it would need to be done before school and that I would not leave the house until she was absolutely ready to go with teeth cleaned, face washed, uniform on, bag ready etc and of course her room tidied. Sooo we did not leave the house till 8.55 and arrived about 6 mins past. If they are late for register then they have to go to the school office to collect a late card to hand to the teacher.

She was completely mortified, in tears and blamed me. I felt absolutely heartbroken but figure it will hopefully make her a quicker in the mornings. Or will she just hate me

She'll get over it. I was (and still am) chronically bad at getting up and ready in the morning. I wish my mum had let me feel the consequences more when I was a kid, I might have learned time management.

As long as it's not an every day habit, then I personally don't think what you did was wrong.

You have to enforce rules from time to time, or your children will just walk all over you.

YANBU at all, it's only by feeling the consequences she will try to correct it.

YANBU, if she has a habit of faffing about then she'll need to learn that it has consequences. The only thing I'd say is that make sure she's warned the night before that she has to tidy her room so that if its not done by the next morning she knows that it's only her fault and she's had fair notice.

Sorry, that should have read as make sure she had to tidy her room or she might be late to school.

I'm a stickler for punctuality - but I'm so sick of nagging them (DS as well) that lately I have just reminded them of what needs to be done and ask that they stand by the door ready with coats and bags when they are ready to go. Obviously I help them along the way if necessary. They tend to get into a messing about mode and it descends into chaos from there!

Did you make it absolutely clear to her yesterday what the consequences would be if her room was not tidied in time - ie that she might be late for school today as a result? If you did - and she knew that you would not leave today without it being done - then you were reasonable. If you were vague in your encouragement/threats, not so much. It was obviously a big deal for her to be late, but if she was warned, it was fair enough. I bet she tidies her room in time next week!

Yes she was told last night that if it was not done it would have to be finished this morning.

I think being at school on time is more important than a tidy bedroom.

I also think that giving children lots of instructions at once can be overwhelming.

I have one faffer and one who is super organised. I get the faffer to write a list on the whiteboard of things to do before school, and tick them off as they go.

Don't feel heartbroken, OP! Your daughter has learned a valuable lesson - that everybody ha responsibilities and there are consequences if you don't live up to them. The cleaner can't clean if rooms are very untidy and that means that you don't get a service you are paying for. Every member of the family has avduty to contribute to the proper running of the household.

Sorry - has.

You told what she needed to do and the consequences for not complying. She made the choice not to tidy up when she had time and you carried through with the consequence. Seems fair to me.

Yanbu. The alternative is telling her the cleaner won't do her room any more and she will need to clean it herself.

As a one off it was ok... Maybe she will have learned a lesson.

Makes me a little uncomfortable though. You are the adult and it is your job to get her to school on time.

In future you should make sure this is done in your own time and does not impact on school. E.g. No tv/tablet on sat or sun until it is done.

sugarman - they have never once been late for school before. The only instruction was to tidy her room. The rest (uniform, teeth, face, bag) are everyday tasks which at 9 years old I don't think she should need reminding of. I'm always on hand to help and do her hair if she needs.

Purplepixie - believe me I'm uncomfortable too as I hate to be late
! There is no point her tidying her room on a Saturday though as it will get in a mess again on Sunday. It's a chore that I usually ask to be done before tea on Sunday.

Surely you learn by doing/not doing. It was a perfect learning opportunity for her.

I think that I will ask her if she needs help this afternoon with her room - if I can help her to organise things a bit better. She has so many little bits and pieces - it drives me mad, she's such a hoarder!

When she gets home, have a nice meal and discuss how she will avoid it happening again. Help her to put things in place to avoid the situation happening again. Like, tidying once she has finished an activity, before coming down to eat on sunday night.

I would agree that being at school on time is more important. What you've taught her from this is that it doesn't matter if she is meant to be somewhere if there's something else that has to be done.
What do you do if she decides actually it's nice to go in late (as my ds would) and quite happily finishes her tidying at 10am?

By enforcing your rules you said to her that it doesn't matter if other rules are broken.

I would have either made her do it last night. Or had another consequence-probably clearing something for you tonight. And next weekend she doesn't get to do anything on Sunday until her room is tidy.

I too hate being late and feel like I've let myself down if I ever am - she has let herself down by not listening to you - she's 9 and can clearly follow instructions, she just didn't want to.

Life is about more than school and part of that is being part of and contributing to the household in which you live. You did the right thing I reckon. It'll be interesting to see if she sorts herself out now that you've proven your consequences will be enacted!

YANBU. Next week she will know what has to be done to avoid being late.

YANBU. I have a faffer who wont tidy her room, but shes only 5 (almost 6) so I am reluctant to let her be late yet. If she is the same when she is 9 I absolutely would though.

I agree with noisymonkey. Living in society involves a web of responsibilities including being part of your own family/household. The relationship with school is very important but there are other allegiances/duties too - your daughter can't just follow the ones that are important to her. By showing her that she can't just shirk the ones she sees no value in, you have taught her a valuable lesson. Don't feel bad, OP! There is sometimes a little (temporary) pain involved in learning something that will benefit her in the future.

personally, i think the embarassment of being late has taught her a good lesson - Well done for sticking to your guns - you can also use this next time ie we're not going til you have tidied your room, and remember when you got a late card?

if she is normally on time, she wont be scarred for life for being 6mins late one day...