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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend cancelled on me due to exercise

37 replies

krystellie · 22/11/2014 17:43

I was meant to be meeting a friend tonight for dinner which had been planned for weeks. I was especially looking forward to it as I've been planning my wedding so had a lot to discuss with her - including the dress I've finally chosen today.

However, she texted me this morning to say she couldn't meet as had overdone it at the gym this morning!

I can't help but think this is a bit of a poor show. Whilst I understand that people sometimes need to cancel due to illness or family problems, cancelling 6 hours beforehand due to doing too much exercise (!) sounds pretty flaky to me.

AIBU to feel a bit messed around? Especially as I declined another invitation from a friend I haven't seen in months who has now made other plans?

OP posts:
ElizaandDuck · 22/11/2014 17:46

Perhaps she doesn't want to be listening to wedding waffle night?

MrsJossNaylor · 22/11/2014 17:47

Hmmm. I can understand being so knackered by a gym session that you can't move.
I've done killer circuits classes that have left me totally unable to get off the sofa by the evening.
But something in your OP makes me wonder if there's more to it. Could it be that she doesn't want to endure wedding talk?

SophiaPetrillo · 22/11/2014 17:47

I'd be furious. This sort of thing really annoys me. If she had injured herself, fair enough but it sounds as if she just can't be bothered. I'd text her back something like "that's really disappointing, especially as I put X off in order to see you, I thought you were looking forward to dinner as much as I was, clearly not".

MrsJossNaylor · 22/11/2014 17:50

Disclaimer - I'm one of those people who never felt the need to have a "lot to discuss" about my own wedding, let alone other people's. There is little more boring than listening to otherwise sane friends banging on about flowers/canapes/dresses/colour schemes...zzzzzz.

Original poster
krystellie · 22/11/2014 17:50

Get you ElizaandDuck! I'm the least wedding-y person around, but she had asked to hear my plans as we haven't seen each other for a few weeks and a lot has happened since then. I hate Bridezillas too and I couldn't be further from one.

The wedding chat was a minor point as to why we were meeting up, btw.

SophiaPetrillo - that's exactly how I feel.

OP posts:
chasingtherainbow · 22/11/2014 17:50

Bit passive aggressive Sophia Hmm

I too have been unable to move following a hard work out. I don't think she's on the wrong at all.

notagainffffffffs · 22/11/2014 17:50

Maybe she feels a bit pffffff with all the wedding talk?

chasingtherainbow · 22/11/2014 17:51

these days I'd rather have dinner than workout though

Original poster
krystellie · 22/11/2014 17:53

I probably shouldn't have mentioned the wedding in my original post! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
krystellie · 22/11/2014 17:53

Also, she said she felt tired, rather than stiff or sore.

OP posts:
SophiaPetrillo · 22/11/2014 17:55

How is it passive aggressive? It seems pretty straightforward to me.

nilbyname · 22/11/2014 17:56

i think that is a really poor show i would be miffed, and if it were my close fRIEND, I would have been delighted to hear about THE DRESS.
Weddings get shOrt shrift on MN!

Ring her up, and suss it out she may be persuaded? I hate having bad feeling, so I would just let this one go and make other plans.

Or text and say-
"Gutted! really wanted to see you tonight, take it easy at the gym xx"

Original poster
krystellie · 22/11/2014 17:58

Thanks, nilbyname that's how I got back to her.

We were meeting with partners, so were just going to discuss the venue and then when my OH was away, the dress. But seriously, the wedding was probably going to comprise about 5% of the chat! So she wouldn't have cancelled due to that.

OP posts:
chasingtherainbow · 22/11/2014 18:00

No, "I am really disappointed, was excited to see you! I wish I'd known earlier so I could rearrange my night" - that was straight forward.

Your version is heavy on the guilt trip. If I'd received that I'd be really pissed.

OP, she could have lied. Said she was sick etc. But she was honest. If she'd said "exhausted" I think it might not feel so bad, tired is a bit of a mild word. I'm thinking she's pretty rough if she's cancelled and been honest.

Jackie0 · 22/11/2014 18:00

Well yanbu, your friend was rude to cancel for that reason but.......I look forward to seeing my friends because I enjoy catching up with them. I have never met someone with a preplanned agenda to discuss "lots" about my wedding/ dress/ me in general.
I have in the past had a friend who would do exactly that, she would think nothing of walking into a party and making an announcement as though we were waiting with baited breath to hear her next installment. Everyone resented the sheer rudeness.
Your wedding is of the upmost importance to you and your intended, I guarantee it's moderately interesting to friends and I bet they don't want to hear "lots".
Sorry OP, life isn't really an episode of SATC.

Jackie0 · 22/11/2014 18:01

Ah cross post, I have the wrong of the stick, sorry OP

Drquin · 22/11/2014 18:03

Possibly a wee bit U ......
"Overdone it at the gym" could be a minor injury. Equally she could have cancelled at real last minute, or could have cancelled for dozens of other (flakier) reasons.

If she's got form and this is the latest in the long line, fair enough. If not, and she's a good friend, then a quick txt back saying "sorry you're not feeling great, looking forward to rescheduling.

Vinomcstephens · 22/11/2014 18:03

OP - as soon as I read the wedding reference in your first post, I KNEW you'd get people commenting on that, and basically making you out to be some kind of wedding bore who your poor friend couldn't face due to your evident Bridezilla tendencies Grin and I was right!

Being cancelled on with what appears to me to be a flakey excuse is annoying - poor show indeed!

JustSpeakSense · 22/11/2014 18:22

I'd be really hurt if a friend cancelled just hours before with a bit of a weak excuse really.

I think you need to ask yourself why she didn't really feel like seeing you (whether it be because of wedding talk as some have suggested or another reason)

I think you need to re-evaluate your friendship at this point - I would be, because I don't think she is the friend you thought she was. Flowers

bodhranbae · 22/11/2014 18:27

YANBU
It is a shit excuse.
Ditch her.

madsadbad · 22/11/2014 18:29

Is she normally a good friend?
If yes obviously you will be a bit upset your plans have been cancelled, but remember overall what she is. Lots of bugs going around at the mo, maybe a harder work out than normal.
If not, have a think about your friendship, where its going and what you can expect.

WanderingTrolley1 · 22/11/2014 18:29

Yanbu.

You both planned the evening weeks ago. She knew she wad supposed to be seeing you, but overdid it, anyway.

"Tired"? I wouldn't be impressed at all.

Vikingbiker · 22/11/2014 18:32

She's using excersise as an excuse. Going to the gym makes people feel invigorated.

LuannDelaney · 22/11/2014 18:38

As it was with boyfriends too, could it be that hers has let her down tonight?

rolypolydoll · 22/11/2014 18:44

At least she was just honest, I'd much rather that than a friend faking an excuse or even feeling as though she had to come out if she didn't feel like it.