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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the Health visitor is talking nonsense....

34 replies

Ohmydayz · 13/11/2014 13:18

And want to punch her in face?

I took, DS to HV visit as he is not eating/ sleeping well he is nearly 4. She made an assumption that I am a single parent and questioned me about how much support I get from family etc then commented that I looked awful and that she felt a referral to social services would be in the childs best interest...

is this right? normal?

My DH is in the forces but I have inlaws nearby, I asked her if social services would get my son to sleep and feed well (ok so not the right approach but I was pretty annoyed by now) and she told me that I was being silly and wasn't thinking of my child. I'm scared now of what she might do.

Old time lurker - (think pirate party and clumsy - NC as couldn't log back in after changes in security!)

Any thoughts on how do deal with this appreciated.

OP posts:

Stealthpolarbear · 13/11/2014 13:20

Well not with casual violence.
What were hwr reasons for suggesting ss referral?

Original poster

Ohmydayz · 13/11/2014 13:22

For support apparently and because I look tired...

OP posts:

paxtecum · 13/11/2014 13:25

Years ago, if my DCs didn't have a good appetite weeks after being recovered from an illness, I'd give them a zinc supplement.
It always made them hungry!

You could cut out all sugary drinks, biscuits, sweets etc.
Don't replace with drinks containing sweeteners.

Do you have a bedtime routine?

What do you think the not sleeping / eating problem is caused by?

TheSkiingGardener · 13/11/2014 15:26

Wow. What an unhelpful woman! Can you make a formal Complaint so that your side of this is there in writing? Hopefully SS would dismiss her as being sill!

SusanIvanova · 13/11/2014 15:29

Jesus! Make a complaint! You go to her looking for advice and she threatens SS because you 'look tired'. She makes judgements on your martial status, not bothering to ask you about it. She accuses you of not having your child's best interests at heart because you disagree with her wildly inappropriate and quite frankly dangerous opinion. She's a menace!

NorwaySpruce · 13/11/2014 15:34

To give the HV the benefit of the doubt, I think most people take their 4YO children to doctors rather than HVs, even for the non-specific stuff you describe.

Perhaps the HV thought you were asking for help in a round about way, and mentioned SS in the way someone might mention HomeStart or something.

Otherwise, yes, the HV seems to lack people skills, at the very least.

Crinkle77 · 13/11/2014 15:34

My friend told her HV that her baby had become a bit cranky and she was concerned about him. The HV told her it was cos she put him in nursery while she went to work. Turned out he actually had an undiagnosed medical condition.

hoppus · 13/11/2014 15:35

Did she actually offer any help or solutions for the problems you went there with?

drinkyourmilk · 13/11/2014 15:36

This sounds odd. Are you sure there isn't more to it than what you've said?

If there isn't then I would get an appointment with the Dr to register your concern wrt to your son and make sure you put in a complaint about her behaviour and attitude. It's completely unacceptable to treat someone like dirt because they look tired! Sheesh! That's practically every parent I know.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/11/2014 15:38

KatherinaMinola · 13/11/2014 15:42

They are just bonkers and think everyone they see has/needs a social worker. When dd was tiny our stupid HV made some reference to "did your social worker suggest that?" when I mentioned something I was going to do with dd.

KatherinaMinola · 13/11/2014 15:44

Depending on the area you live in, SS probably don't have the resources to deal with everyone who 'looks tired', so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

BigbyWolf · 13/11/2014 15:45

Health visitors are mostly full of crap. Fact.

FannyFifer · 13/11/2014 15:46

Make a GP appointment re your son and let Dr know what health visitor said.

WooWooOwl · 13/11/2014 15:46

Social services aren't a threat, they are there to help.

We don't know how you came across in person or what you said to the HV, so it's impossible to know whether a referral is warranted or not. Sometimes that's just the way do things so they can then refer you on for parenting classes, which might provide the support you want.

PrettyPictures92 · 13/11/2014 15:52

Acting p/a is the surest way to get a hv riled up, and ss aren't all bad! They will come out for a visit, make sure you and your ds are well and the house is clean, your ds is being cared for in a good environment and if you need any additional support. If all is well ss will close the case :)

They're not the demons everyone makes them out to be, you've nothing to worry about

Aeroflotgirl · 13/11/2014 15:56

From what you have said, total overreaction. Did she mean social care referral, because SALT referred us as I looked stressed and they said they would provide support.

HurlyBurghley · 13/11/2014 15:58

YABU to ever consult a HV about anything. They talk utter bollocks.

maninawomansworld · 13/11/2014 16:10

A friend who had her DC's a few years before us suffered greatly at the hands of her HV / SS.
She split with the husband when the second DC was a baby, it was all very amicable no problems at all, , no other people involved, no suggestions of anything untoward. He paid for the childrens' upkeep and even bought a house in her name (they had previously been renting) so they would have somewhere to call home. He is still paying the mortgage to this day despite having never lived there.

The mother made a throwaway comment to the HV one day about being a bit cheesed off and stressed (second baby not an easy baby at all, but nothing thousands of parents don't experience every day). Before you know it she had social workers etc crawling all over her, reading nonsense into every last little thing.
She tried explaining herself (like she should have to!) but it did little good. In the end she just went along with their ridiculous overbearing nonsense for a year or so and in the end they left her alone.

When my DW got pregnant with our twin DS's a couple of years ago said friend advised us:
'whatever you do, remember the HV / SS are just a pain in the arse. Never confide in them or tell them anything, when they come round it's game face on, happy smiley, relaxed even if you're dying inside.' The last thing you want is them taking an interest in you.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 16:22

Did she mean family support rather than SS? My mum was a family support worker and used to go round to a woman's house three times a week to help bath and out her twins to bed. The woman's DH was also in the forces. That was it though, no SS involvement.

Original poster

Ohmydayz · 13/11/2014 16:28

Thanks everyone.

She just seemed off - I have been to the GP with DS many times, he suggested I get in touch with HV. I look tired as I haven't had more than 6 hours sleep in 3 days.... I think I just met a dud one.

OP posts:

R4roger · 13/11/2014 16:31

social services have departments to help you, dont be so quick to say no, as lemondrizzle says she might suggest a family support worker. it is not that they will take him away from you for being a bad parent. She obviously didnt explain it very well. I presume anyway.

Original poster

Ohmydayz · 13/11/2014 16:32

She said "referral to social services"

OP posts:

R4roger · 13/11/2014 16:35

ok, just go with it, social services might provide you help, some support, or did you say no to her? can you clarify exactly what they will do.

R4roger · 13/11/2014 16:35

did you ask for referral to paeds for sleep issues?

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