To think the Health visitor is talking nonsense....

[Ohmydayz]

And want to punch her in face?

I took, DS to HV visit as he is not eating/ sleeping well he is nearly 4. She made an assumption that I am a single parent and questioned me about how much support I get from family etc then commented that I looked awful and that she felt a referral to social services would be in the childs best interest...

is this right? normal?

My DH is in the forces but I have inlaws nearby, I asked her if social services would get my son to sleep and feed well (ok so not the right approach but I was pretty annoyed by now) and she told me that I was being silly and wasn't thinking of my child. I'm scared now of what she might do.

Old time lurker - (think pirate party and clumsy - NC as couldn't log back in after changes in security!)

Any thoughts on how do deal with this appreciated.

Maybe worth contacting SSAFA to discuss your concerns about the HV's assessment and referral and see if they can offer any support in dealing with it?

what are paeds and SSAFA? sorry new to all of this

SS are not a threat they are there to help, and might be able to get you some specialist help with your son.

Please bear in mind that actually she is there to monitor both you and your child's welbeing, so asking about support network and asking if you need other help etc is entirely above board, and is what she is paid to do.

Write down your version of the exchange today. Go back to your GP and say that you didnt get anywhere with the HV and ask what the next step is. Even if SS do come knocking, they'll be able to get the info from your Dr that eating and sleeping was the reason for the referral.

Unless there are other issues there is not a cat in hell's chance that Social Services would accept a referral because someone 'looked tired'. I wonder if your health visitor is actually aware what the criteria is for social services involvement - it's a hell of a lot higher than that!

Unless she meant Family Support services, which are sometimes separate to social services. Anyway, you do not have to accept the support if you do not want it.

you could ask if your local hospital paediatric department has a sleep clinic?

Don't SW have enough on their plate without having referrals about parents being tired!

OP there are a few voluntary agencies/services that might be able to support you. Your HV should have knowledge about them. In my experience, a referral into Children's Services comes about due to concerns for a child and, as others have said, the threshold is usually high so it's very unlikely that they'd even entertain it. Look at your local authority website. They should have a Family Information Service page, which will have details about resources and support in your areas. Or, if you can't be arsed trawling through it all - give them a ring. Good luck and don't worry. Something and nothing.

FWIW: my current HV is an absolute arse - jumped up pompous know it all. I take what he says with a bucket load of salt, nod, smile and then consult another one.

xxx

Sorry, SSAFA are 'soldier sailor airforce family association' a charity specifically to support the families of forces personnel. They are usually very experienced in dealing with the difficulties caused to families by detachments etc. have local staff or volunteers in many areas of the UK and overseas bases and can be great just for a confidential friendly ear and some effective help in dealing with other agencies. I'm not sure how to post a hyperlink but they have a web page www.ssafa.org.uk

I only meet one HV that was any good. She was practical down to earth and most importantly she listened. I have heard of HV rolling their eyes sighing and tutting at new mothers when asking a question. There are some good HV but not a lot. I asked a HV once if she had and any children of her own and she sneered at me! That would be a massive no then!
Don't worry too much about it she probably said it yo scare you off so you wouldn't bother her again of she could have been trying... Badly.... To help.