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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get upset about no photos?

45 replies

Loopylala7 · 10/11/2014 00:09

I quite like taking photos, and whenever there is a wedding/new baby/party etc I try to take photos to share with the person celebrating. Usually the person I give the pictures to has been really happy to receive them as they were soo busy they didn't have much opportunity to take photos themselves. I'm happy to do it as I like to make others happy. However, recently its been getting me down a bit that nobody appears to reciprocate. I realise they might no be so interested in taking pictures, but, in the time I've become a mother to 2 children, very few people have actually said to me, can I take a photo of you with DC (as in with my tiny, not very technical camera). I have even had to have a conversation with DH to ask if he will take a photo, as that is how few there are. I keep worrying they'll grow up, and there won't be any pictures of me doing family stuff with them, as none ever seems to offer. I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't bother offering to take photos for other people, but then I feel guilty and do it anyway. Sometimes I think maybe they don't do it because they don't like me. AIBU?

OP posts:
saintsandpoets · 10/11/2014 00:14

Yabu. You have to ask people to take them!

ZivaMcGee · 10/11/2014 00:14

Do you offer to take the photos for others? If so you could say "can you return the favour and get one of me and my kids." Or just ask someone. Most people don't mind.

KoalaDownUnder · 10/11/2014 00:16

Yes, just ask.

I would be more than happy to oblige if someone asked me. It probably wouldn't occur to me to offer, though, as I hate having my own photo taken!

BOFster · 10/11/2014 00:17

I don't think I've ever heard of people eager to take photos of other families. You obviously are, and I'm not saying you're weird, but generally people take pics of their own families.

Firbolg · 10/11/2014 00:18

Ask them! It would never occur to me in a hundred years that someone wanted me to take their camera and take photographs of them at their event, as I would assume they/another family member would have arranged to take any photographs they wanted.

You sound more fixated on photographs than most, to be fair, and friends won't know you want photographs of you unless you ask them. I certainly don't have photographs of even close friends 'doing things with their children'...? Then again, you're talking to the wrong person, as we didn't even have any wedding photographs, not even a couple of casual snaps...

Krytes42 · 10/11/2014 00:18

Ask if you want photos taken!

QTPie · 10/11/2014 00:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

CoolStoryBro · 10/11/2014 00:19

Always the photographer, never the photo. It's the Facebook curse...

scurryfunge · 10/11/2014 00:19

Personally, I don't get why people need a photographic record of every minute of their lives. There are very few photos of us growing up ( 60's/70's/80's) and we still exist as humans.

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 10/11/2014 00:24

That does include family members not offering BOFster. They always want copies of mine though. Especially PIL wanting photos of themselves with GC. They never actually took one single photo of me with my DC as a newborn, but took plenty with SIL holding the baby which really hurt my feelings.

I'm not saying I want hundreds of pictures, but I would like a few for some memories that's all.

OP posts:
QTPie · 10/11/2014 00:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BaffledSomeMore · 10/11/2014 00:26

If you enjoy taking pictures and appreciate the pleasure that it can give it's probably really difficult to understand why other people don't.

But accept that they don't understand or have the confidence to offer and ask. They may learn :)

Whoch reminds me to send some pics to my friends. ..

Bogeyface · 10/11/2014 00:27

I realised just how few there are of me recently as I am the "taker" and that means that there are no pictures that the kids can look back on of them with me when I am gone. Have determined to rectify it by asking people to take them, its the only way!

Original poster
Loopylala7 · 10/11/2014 00:37

QTpie, I think you have a point about being over considerate. I think I seriously need to quash my expectation levels and ask. I also think I need to stop taking so many. The amount of times people have joked about me taking too many pictures, then as soon as they're processed they all want to look through and reminisce, and inevitably asked if they can get copies. Just going to have to reign it in I guess. Especially if people think I'm being weird BOFoster! never occurred to me. I just enjoy photography that's all.

OP posts:
paxtecum · 10/11/2014 06:34

I'm always the photographer, so very few photos of me.

Just ask people, don't wait until you are an OAP (like me).

Willabywallaby · 10/11/2014 06:39

Definitely start asking.

Mehitabel6 · 10/11/2014 07:07

Ask! I would never volunteer, but often take one if asked. If I want one taken of me then I ask someone.

WipsGlitter · 10/11/2014 07:22

You need to ask. Is this about something other than the photos though? About how people value "you" in general?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/11/2014 07:52

Just ask but don't spend your while life being in or taking photos.

Shelby2010 · 10/11/2014 09:22

And when someone else does take a photo of you they never seem to care whether they have your 'good side'...! DH only seems to aquire the ability to take spontaneous photos when I'm still in my dressing gown & look a right slob. As a result my phone has a collection of 'selfies' of me & the kids, not to Facebook or anything, just for fun to look back at.

Boomtownsurprise · 10/11/2014 09:25

So presume most of mates have own kids then right? If you like taking pics lovely! Fab knock yourself out. Just don't assume I necessarily want to take photos of you. I'm probably too busy keeping an eye on my kids. And if I want a photo that I can't take on my phone Id ask.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 10/11/2014 09:39

I'm with you, there are very few photos of me when my dcs were little, although XH managed to take several from every angle of every car and motorbike he ever owned. The ones from our honeymoon are mainly palm trees and lovely landscapes and when he did take one of me he was happy with just one, regardless of whether my eyes were shut or I had a double chin etc!

It didn't help that XH didn't like having photos taken of himself so didn't expect that I would either.

I've since learned to ask my now DP to take photos of me and my dcs and he obliges as he likes me taking pics of himself and his dcs too. We even set the timer to get us all in sometimes or swap photographers to make sure that there is always someone different missing from the group.

Just ask people, if they think you're vain or weird for wanting your kids to look back and see you having fun and being loving with them, fuck em!

MrsPiggie · 10/11/2014 09:50

Of course you've got to ask! I wouldn't dream of just getting my camera out and taking photos of other people with their children. The only time I ever do that is at presents opening time on Christmas day. I don't like people taking photos of me without warning either - I don't mind having my photo taken as such, but nowadays people are obsessed with posting every shitty snap on Facebook and that I do mind. So if I want a photo of myself, I ask. If I am asked, I take photos.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 10/11/2014 10:03

It's the selfie generation now, start taking photos of yourself and your kids. You can even get 'selfie sticks' to take them from a distance!

outofcontrol2014 · 10/11/2014 10:13

I think perhaps our attitudes to photos have changed due to the ubiquity of cameras, and the ease with which they are shared on social networks! Are you on the usual photo-sharing apps where you might be able to pick up and download photos of you and your children?

I am one of those people who gets annoyed at the constant expectation that I will stop what I am doing to pose for a photo. PIL are dreadful for this - when out, we all have to stop and line up every bleeding 2 minutes in our best fake smiles. We have a succession of awkward family photos in which everyone looks cold and uncomfortable. It makes me not want to take ANY pictures in return, ever!

By contrast, I have a friend who photographs weddings for a living. Her style is absolutely lovely - very free and non-intrusive. Rather than constantly breaking in and asking everyone to drop everything for a picture, she has a knack of creeping around with her camera and just capturing individuals when they are off-guard. I adore her photos because they actually fix something real about the person, instead of that awful 'social presentation' moment. She also captures light really well.