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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get upset about no photos?

45 replies

Loopylala7 · 10/11/2014 00:09

I quite like taking photos, and whenever there is a wedding/new baby/party etc I try to take photos to share with the person celebrating. Usually the person I give the pictures to has been really happy to receive them as they were soo busy they didn't have much opportunity to take photos themselves. I'm happy to do it as I like to make others happy. However, recently its been getting me down a bit that nobody appears to reciprocate. I realise they might no be so interested in taking pictures, but, in the time I've become a mother to 2 children, very few people have actually said to me, can I take a photo of you with DC (as in with my tiny, not very technical camera). I have even had to have a conversation with DH to ask if he will take a photo, as that is how few there are. I keep worrying they'll grow up, and there won't be any pictures of me doing family stuff with them, as none ever seems to offer. I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't bother offering to take photos for other people, but then I feel guilty and do it anyway. Sometimes I think maybe they don't do it because they don't like me. AIBU?

OP posts:

Kaekae · 10/11/2014 10:32

I totally get where you are coming from. This could me writing this post. I've always been known to be the one to take the photos even as a teenager among my friends. I remember being in hospital having just had my son and not one family member who came to visit brought a camera. I don't have any couple holding new baby pictures with my first son. The photos I take people always want the copies. Fast forward to all the family kids birthday's and again it is always me taking the photos of nephews/nieces parties and even to the point where at my sons first birthday it is my mum in the photo with my son and his first birthday cake, not me because i was the one taking the photos.

I also don't have any pregnancy photos first time round which I always rib DH about but he blames me because I should have asked?!?! So now I refuse to be the one who holds the camera all the time and I don't take my camera to family events anymore, I might just take a few of my kids on my phone etc. I actually have to ask my husband to take photos of me alone or with kids otherwise he won't think to do it, he has got better because I have complained to him about it a few times. Like you I started to fret there were not many pictures of me with the children.
I just eloped recently to get married and because we had no guests we only had the photographer we'd paid for, even she was too scared to click away at her camera so I had to say "come on,you're missing my moments here"....I am not afraid to say it anymore because otherwise the moment is missed forever!

Infinity8 · 10/11/2014 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSpottedZebra · 10/11/2014 10:44

Maybe people think of you as someone who likes taking pictures and is good at it. So why would they take pics for you, when yours would be better?

So you need to ask.

ByTheWishingWell · 10/11/2014 11:27

YANBU. The problem with asking people to take one each time is that you only end up with posed photos. We have loads of natural pictures of DP and DD in her first year, snuggled up asleep together, dancing together, reading together, him lifting her up in the air and her giggling down at him, because I took them. I did all those things with her too, but there's no photos because DP didn't think to take any. In the end we talked about it, and he does take more now. I don't need loads and loads, but I did get a bit sad looking through the photos of her first few weeks at home- they were all of her and DP.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 10/11/2014 11:32

Yes good point wishing - if you have to ask every time then the photos are more posed and less natural. It's a shame. If it's any consolation, once the DCs are a bit older they can be persuaded to take some photos and they don't care about you posing and will happily take plenty of you, bleary-eyed and wild-haired the moment you wake up or sitting on the loo!

Original poster

Loopylala7 · 10/11/2014 15:11

I was just thinking about the people who think its weird to take photos for other people. Is it really? I mean when a Mum has gone to the effort of creating a birthday party for her 1 year old, baked a cake, made a buffet, decorated, invited family and friends round is it weird to say to them that you would take a photo of her with the baby as the cake is being carried out so baby can see that photo on their 18th? is it weird when theres a family line up at a christening and an important family member stepping out to take the picture that you say, no don't worry, you should be in it, I'll take the photo? Is it weird to take some snaps at a wedding disco when the photographer has gone home and the bride and groom are having a great time so they can see them after? Is it weird to say to new parents, shall I take one of you together? thinking maybe they haven't thought about it and that time goes so quickly. And yes in asking somebody, they are staged I agree. Natural ones are nicer. But yes I guess I should ask.

OP posts:

ByTheWishingWell · 10/11/2014 15:20

I don't think it's weird at all. DP has a lovely aunt who is a photographer- expensive, fancy camera, and a great eye for a nice picture. She always takes pictures at family events and I love getting copies of them afterwards. Even though I tend to take pictures too, hers tend to be better, and it's nice seeing things with the children that I missed at the time. As mentioned above, it also means that I get some natural ones of me and my DD. I would certainly never think she was weird for taking the pictures.

Wolfbasher · 10/11/2014 15:24

Not weird to want pics. But maybe odd to assume other people will think to do it for you without you asking.

I would NEVER presume to take a picture for other people. I am a crap photographer (and I find it a faff to do). Sometimes people ask me to take pictures for them, and if there's anyone else present who I think would be more capable I usually ask them to do it instead. So it would never occur to me to offer.

TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy · 10/11/2014 15:33

They likely like you fine, they just don't think about it.

Your post reminds me of something that happened in my family - we sent a family member a little photo book from her recent party and she said they were the only one she had, physically, as she hadn't been able to and everyone else had just shown her the pictures on their digital cameras. No one else, including us, hadn't thought she wouldn't have any with so many other people taking pictures.

Monathevampire1 · 10/11/2014 15:35

Just ask people and embrace the selfie

Original poster

Loopylala7 · 10/11/2014 15:38

Maybe the inventor of selfies did it because they got fed up of waiting for someone to offer lol! ;)

OP posts:

ApocalypseNowt · 10/11/2014 15:43

It wouldn't occur to me that other people don't offer but i'm with you on dh. There are loads of beautiful photos of him with our dc but very few of me.

I don't want to have to ask him all the time stamps foot but i do otherwise there would be none. If i do have a moan cue a day or two taking 'natural' photos and he takes so bloody long i always notice him so they aren't natural then he forgets again.

GoEasyPudding · 10/11/2014 16:05

Get good at selfies.

Have a chat with the other half and say you would like him to take more snaps...like seriously..

Hand him the camera when its photo time.
Hand the camera to others and ask them nicely.

Get a mini tripod, like Gorillapod . After all self portraits have been around for all time! Embrace your hobby. I love to give photos prints as little surprises for people. It's a real pleasure.

Do you print your pics out for people?

Preciousbane · 10/11/2014 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shodan · 10/11/2014 16:08

Could people possibly be thinking that as you always take the photos, you don't like having your own taken, maybe?

(I speak as one who, hypocritically and annoyingly, doesn't like having her photo taken, but still feels ever-so-slightly miffed that no-one ever takes one )

Vitalstatistix · 10/11/2014 16:14

Perhaps you have just acquired a reputation as the person who always takes the photos. Someone who is always behind the camera may be seen as someone who wants to be.

So people sit back, thinking you like taking the photos, you are happy to do it and will take any that you want and are happy to share them.

If you've always done it, you can't really blame people if they think you are happy to do it.

And not everyone thinks oh she does it for me I should do it for her... sometimes they just think 'she likes doing it/does it' and there endeth the thinking

If you want others to take photos of you and / or your family - say so. Hand them the camera. Or let people know you won't be photographing the next event so someone needs to do if if they want photos, or something.

You're not at all wrong to feel the way you do, but you do need to communicate how you feel and ask for what you want.

redexpat · 10/11/2014 16:15

Id love to be in your social circle. I too like a good photo and love making a photo calendar for pils. You do have to be quite vocal though because not everyone else thinks that way. I travelled the states and as soon as americans see a couple with a camera they offer to take a picture of the pair of you. I thought it was such a nice thing to do for others that really takes minimum effort that i have adopted it.

BasketzatDawn · 10/11/2014 16:24

Yeah, just ask. We have very few recent photos of our family. It's something I keep meaning to remedy. I wonder too if some people are just 'photographed out' - so many camera phones, tablets, etc. Quite intrusively at times IMO.

WipsGlitter · 10/11/2014 18:00

It sounds a bit odd. Like you want to be acknowledged for your thoughtfulness in doing all this.

sykadelic · 10/11/2014 19:35

I didn't read all the responses but I did read your posts OP.

Have you considered perhaps that because you like taking photos they thought you'd already taken care of it yourself, or would take care of it yourself?

Don't get me wrong, IL's and the "no photo with me, just SIL" is fricken weird, but maybe they thought "Oh Loopylala7 likes taking photos. She's probably got all kinds planned. No need for me to bother".

I also don't think it's weird that you do it. I know a lot of people that in the joy of an event realised they forgot to take photos but knew X and Y did and asked them for whatever photos they had. I know that BIL tends to take photos and his camera is huge so I couldn't miss it. I'm also one to take photos. My husband, ha! He's shocking (hates taking them and being in them!).

I suggest you be more vocal about it. Be more proactive about organising someone to do it "Hey DSis, would you mind taking photos at X's bday party?" perhaps even for special events you could give some people disposable cameras (like what people do at weddings).

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