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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have glared at this pensioner....

39 replies

Only1scoop · 09/11/2014 18:58

I actually also wanted to tell him a few things but felt choked and angry....Angry

Just been to our local pub for late lunch we go regularly....dd who is 4 was with us. Dd got up to show the waiter her new boots and he was chatting to her. Table next to us I'd say were a family with 2 ds and who I imagine a grandfather sat in the corner.

Dd sat down and I heard word perfectly "yes you can tell she's an only one though....feel sorry for her I mean its cruel I think....these older couples ....probably have all sorts of that test tube stuff done...." He then went on a vile rant about same sex couples having children....

I literally turned around and shot a complete look of venom at him....he didn't even notice ....his family did and the lady sat next to him looked mortified and attempted an embarrassed smile.

Yes we are older parents who are just getting over a second MMC a few weeks ago.

I don't care how old he is he should have a filter of respect and yes I'm going to say.

Vile vile old man.

Sorry I never post here but wanted to rant.

And breathe ....

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 09/11/2014 19:01

Take no notice.
I bet you are lovely parents.
Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Sad

I had my dd in my 40s and she loves having older parents. We are very laid back...

CaptainAnkles · 09/11/2014 19:03

If he keeps up his stream of nasty bile in enough places eventually someone will tell him off properly. I hope he noticed your look and might think before saying such horrible thoughtless crap again.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/11/2014 19:04

Ignorant old arse.

Ignore.

pauline6703 · 09/11/2014 19:05

What a horrible old man. I'd have been tempted to tell him that she was conceived when my husband sh**d me doggy style when we were on holiday in the Bahamas

RobinSparkles · 09/11/2014 19:06

If it's any consolation it sounds to me like his reply of "yes you can tell she's an only one though..." Sounds as if it was in response to somebody else saying what a lovely little girl you have.

Just ignore and forget about him. He's ignorant.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/11/2014 19:07

Horrid man, poor family having to put up with him. Bet he's quite toxic, you will soon see a thread on here from the poor mum of the family saying his embarrassing her toxic father/father in law is!

DixieNormas · 09/11/2014 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Only1scoop · 09/11/2014 19:08

Thanks so much I like to think I'm reasonably chilled but if I'm honest I wanted to shoot him down in flames.... Think it's the hormones....

Pauline what a fantastic reply....oh in hindsight....I feel like going back and shouting as he leaves!!

OP posts:
Namechangedforfearofreprisal · 09/11/2014 19:09

He sounds vile. Glad you gave him an evil look.

See, it's all well and good this 'being an only child is cruel' malarky but it's not always as straight forward as that.

I'm an only child. Sometimes I do wish I had a sibling, but having a sibling is no guarantee of having a happy life. For every person I have met who is close to their siblings, I've met another who is either an indifferent or down right hostile relationship with theirs. Take a look at the Relationships forum, there is nearly always a story in the top ten which involves a hostile sibling or a GC sibling.

I hope you don't take this horrible man's comments to heart.

Floggingmolly · 09/11/2014 19:10

Ignore the malicious old bollix Flowers

Original poster
Only1scoop · 09/11/2014 19:11

Robin....yes I did wonder that....maybe woman next to him possibly dd or dil said something nice ....

She actually looked mortified and sheepish when we left. Felt sorry for her....

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 09/11/2014 19:13

People are so weird about only children sometimes.

How did you he know you didn't have older children who weren't present? My brother is 8 years younger than me so there would have been many occasions I wasn't present and my family were out.

Besides, whether your daughter is your only child by choice or by circumstance it is nobody else's fucking business.

nocheeseinhouse · 09/11/2014 19:14

I would think either he's a horrible person, in which case pity him, as he can't be well liked, and has to live being him.

Or he has dementia. In which case pity him.

Feel sorry for him, and move on. I'm sorry for your miscarriage.

Rebecca2014 · 09/11/2014 19:15

I would have said something, I had a few disagreements with elderly people due to their rudeness.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/11/2014 19:23

How horrid for you. Be consoled that you only have to overhear this nasty person, not have him in your life.

We have had a few people assume that DS is our precious only, born to loser parents, in fact he has three teenage siblings. We take it as a compliment that he has has plenty of love and attention to make him a confident, chatty and enthusiastic child. Your little girl sounds similar.

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/11/2014 19:24

I had DD2 at 40 and DS2 at 44. DS2's dad, DP, was 57. I hope no one thinks that about us. No test tubes here. Can't people think things without saying them? Flowers

Original poster
Only1scoop · 09/11/2014 19:26

Alis.... that bit annoyed me ....I actually felt like saying "she's one of 6 thanks very much" not true but actually wish I'd have said something now.

Dd now in bed....dp knew I was upset about something in there ....but I couldn't tell him properly what I'd overheard. I've just told him and he said he looked like a sour old git....He was apparently complaining when I nipped to loo....because they hadn't got any English mustard....the waiter offered him horseradish or French....and he said 'just forget it' and waved him off.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/11/2014 19:29

My mother has a diagnosis of Altzheimers and vascular dementia and it's the kind of comment she might make.

I'm sorry you were upset, as his family appear to have been.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/11/2014 19:34

Possibly the best response is the one you gave Scoop, silence. That kind of comment is said by people who like to get a reaction.

He is nothing to you and although his comment did hurt you, outwardly you treated him as nothing.

I'm sure your little girl is lovely. Nobody can "tell" if someone is an only child. Don't let his comment eat you up Thanks

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 09/11/2014 19:34

It's a horrible thing to say from someone who knows nothing about you.

I worry these days that my own Dad will say things like this in public - he never used to be like that however as he has gotten older he has become rude and intolerant about things he never was before - he looks younger than his age so I worry people might assume he is a horrible person when actually a few years ago he was lovely and would never have said a bad word about anyone. (Not that it makes it ok when he is rude...)

Hopefully your daughter did not hear/understand?

BunnyMama · 09/11/2014 19:35

He's likely voicing his opinion from a very different generational perspective. I wouldn't say he is vile, but he is insensitive/rude to voice his opinions in your earshot.

Original poster
Only1scoop · 09/11/2014 20:01

Thanks Alis....

I'm extra sensitive to the whole only child and age thing at moment....

OP posts:
Original poster
Only1scoop · 09/11/2014 20:05

No dd and dp were sat on other side of table and it was me who heard. Dd wouldn't have understood any of it anyhow.

Of course if he has any kind of dementia then I would sympathise....I understand that although he seemed extremely lucid in his conversations with his family ....things aren't always as they seem.

Thanks all and for the kind words....after a glass of wine I've calmed down Smile

OP posts:
avocadotoast · 09/11/2014 20:22

I'd have wanted to pour a drink over his head, what a dick. I have family who are in a similar situation to you, OP, and I'd be furious if anyone said something like that in relation to them.

Singmetosleepzzz · 09/11/2014 20:58

Well done for being restrained and not saying anything. I would not have been so well behaved. Sorry for your loss