To think if you are invited to a party.

[lollilou]

Then you either accept or politely decline. If something comes up (be it a better offer, a night spent on the sofa or something good on the tv) and you are unable to attend you get in touch with the host to say you won't be able to make it.
I have just hosted a milestone birthday party had a fabulous time but since \i got home I realised that lots of people didn't turn up. Hmm can I class myself as a grumpy old woman now and send them cross messages?

That's proper rude. Its really not hard to send a text or email saying you aren't going to make it.

Id be pissed off and id call them out on it.

YANBU very rude!

I hope you enjoyed your birthday

Of course you can't send them rude messages!

(Happy Birthday!)

They clearly were not missed if you only realised they hadn't turned up when you got home. ??

YANBU but I think my pride would stop me saying anything!

Nah, I only realised after my wedding that about 5 people didn't turn up on the day no notice given before or after!
I never chased it up as didn't want to taint my experience of the day with any nastiness, I just mentally crossed those people off my list of people I give a shit about.
Just move on, be very gracious towards those who turned up and made it fun. But make a note not to bother pissing on the non-attendees if they spontaneously burst into flames anytime soon!
Barring effusive apologies and excuses in the coming days obvs!

I did have a lovely time with lot;s of friends and family. I am just so tempted to say something. Any ideas?

Happy birthday. Sounds like they werent missed. Mentally cross them off your friends lists. Dont say anything. You have the upper hand by being digified. X

And another one who thinks your best bet is to ignore that they didn't show up and write them off as people who aren't worth your bother.

Happy Milestone! Sounds like you had a lovely time without them, so really, they have no "added value", eh?

People have party fear. It is rarely a better offer, by a Friday night a lot of people just want to get on the sofa. They do not want the social anxiety of a party.
very rude of them not to send an excuse.
do not contact them, but don't count them in your close circle.
Happy birthday

Happyr birthday? !

I'd innocently ask them if everything is ok as you were expecting to see them last Friday (or whenever party was but don't actually state "at my party")

If that didn't start the grovelling I'd cut them off.

If you feel the need to put anything on FB, I'd put "Lovely party, so nice to share it with friends and family who really care about me" - which is 'orribly PA to those who CBA to come/reply, but sounds lovely to anyone who actually bothered their arse to turn up.

Glad to hear you had a good party, I'd not bother contacting them either. Focus your thoughts on the friends and family who celebrated with you and made it a good night, don't waste your emotional energy feeling resentful towards those who didn't turn up and were rude enough not to let you know.

Is it possible any of them genuinely forgot ?

Only asking as if I had said yes to a birthday party invite and it was a few weeks away that by the time it came around I may have forgotten if I had a hectic few days beforehand with a lot on my mind

Although I would have remembered either late on the night and thought oh crap it is xx's birthday tonight I should be there or woken up this morning and thought oh crap I missed xx's birthday last night

Then I would be thinking did she notice I wasn't there, I am really embarrassed do I say sorry I missed it or just hope I wasn't missed

Then again most people who know me usually remind me as they know my memory is crap

yanbu but i would not contact them personally. What i would do is- if I ever saw them again and they started waffling on about "sorry not to have ben there" I woud look at them with mild surprise - like I hadn't noticed one way or another and go on about what a super time you had and what lovely friends you had and how they made your party a thing to remember!

That way you are subtly letting them know you did not miss them and that your REAL friends are all that mattered to you!!!! But then I can be a bit of a b*tch!!!!!!

Just leave it.

I would just leave it and score them off your friends list unless they phone to apologise. Having 'party fear' (whatever that is) is no excuse not to send your apologies in advance, and if you're not great at remembering invitations to your friends and family members important events then invest in a calendar (around £4) or add to your phone diary.

I think it depends what kind of party it is. If you've hired a hall and are providing a buffet for loads of people, so there's not real need to have absolute numbers, I think people think they won't be missed (which they weren't)

It's still rude and I wouldn't do it personally but I think it's more an indication of how important the non-attendees think they are to you, than of how important you are to them IYSWIM.

Also, as PP said, I think there are a lot of people about for whom a party is anything but fun. When they get the invitation they think it sounds fun and that they will go but as the date approaches they find they really don't want to go. Again, they should tell you and come up with some feasible excuse but I understand why they might find it easier not to.

I don't think there's anything to be gained from calling them on it.

I think that if you've accepted a party invitation then you go, illness/death aside. To not turn up simply because you didn't feel like it is the height of rudeness - sometimes it's not all about 'you'.

Big - even if you're 'just' providing a buffet you need to know how many you're catering for. Those people who simply don't turn up for whatever reason are assuming that they are the only ones who aren't going (again, that lack of manners and awareness) - if 100 accept and 30 don't feel like going on the night, then that's a lot of wasted food and money.

So, a number of people attended YOUR party, they chose to spend time with YOU to help YOU celebrate something important to YOU (not them), and you are now focusing on those who didn't? Ignore, and get a grip.

See the ones who came? Thank them - by letter or card (especially if they gave you a gift), by email, or a phone call. Tell them how pleased you were they attended and made your party such a happy and memorable occasion. You are fortunate to have people in your life who wanted to celebrate with you. Show your appreciation.

Ooh this is giving me the heebiejeebies!! I have a milestone birthday party myself next Saturday and it was hard enough work getting people to RSVP!!

I do think that it is very rude not to at least say something, I can appreciate that people get party fear (which I sometimes get myself, but I've improved as I've got older!) but I do think that if you've accepted an invitation, then baring any emergency you should try and be there.

And there's the predictable 'get a grip'....

I come from the accepted invite so going unless there's a genuine reason to keep me away. Then inform host as soon as can. I think it is called manners.