AIBU to wonder if school be calling us back after class already?

[schooldayz]

I really honestly don't know as have never had a child go to school before. DD is three and has just started mornings at nursery.

The teacher called us back the other day for 'up and down' behaviour. She's been there three weeks. Today the incident was that she got paint on another child's uniform (on purpose).

The other comment made to us before today was that she can be "full of mischief."

The school has a great reputation with some of the best results in the country (it's not private). We have been warned by three different people that the school like to keep the results up and children to conform.

The teachers are lovely and she comes home singing every day having learned something new and done something fun.

Well, if your DD is not behaving accordingly in class then yes, they will let you know about it.

It's not as if she's been excluded, really.

I wouldn't worry about it. They're just keeping you up to speed.

I would want to know if my child was misbehaving.

Equally, I would want to be reassured if another child was misbehaving and covering my child in paint, that the parents would be spoken to.

Hopefully she will settle down and get into a routine and know what the expectations are.

Of course they should. The school should be communicating about anything the feel they need to from day one.

You need to remind your three year old to listen to the teachers, and to explain why you she shouldn't purposely get pain on other people.

No I agree. I want to know and that's what I've told them. It was just a comment from DH saying that he thought it was perhaps a bit high handed at this age.

Thanks for the advice.

No it's normal, your child needs to learn to behave

bit high handed at this age.

It comes as a shock to some, but three year olds can misbehave. Best to deal with it and get of top of bad behaviour now.

It dosen't sound high-handed.

Even very small DC can learn not to tip paint on people deliberately. I'm ready to bet that if she did that to DH, he'd apply your normal sanctions and mention it to you.

How to deal with it? I honestly try but find it really difficult to change the behaviour through time out and star charts or other reward systems. Advice appreciated.

Please tell me your DH is not going to be one of 'those' parents!

Oh and I absolutely agree it was bad behaviour to deliberately put paint on another child.

Oh God what parents?

The ones who see their child as never the naughty one. The ones who disagree with the teacher every time.

I work as a TA and those parents are a pain in the behind. You need to talk to your DH and get him to realise that he needs to support the school, not see them as 'high handed' for passing on info about slightly naughty behaviour.

Oh he knows. Good advice thank you.

I'm imagining you saying that with a wise nod, schooldayz.

Oh he knows alright. He knows.

I was

I agree that the school isn't being high handed on this occasion. But I would be very watchful of a primary school with "the best results in the country". Not sure what that means, actually- best VA? Best % Level 6 in year 6?

Do they get that by covert selection, by drilling or by wonderful, inspirational teaching? I'm sure it's fine- but......just keep an eye.

She's three. She isn't at school, no matter how it's dressed up with calling it "class" and wearing uniforms.

Yes, I would expect you to be told that your kid painted another kid deliberately at playgroup, though goodness knows why they didn't just tell the adult who picked her up at lunchtime.

The child is 3 and is new in this setting. Of course she's playing up a bit. That goes with the territory in nursery and yes she will settle down. I agree with your dh. The nursery should be able to manage this and also to recognise that out of line behaviour is exactly IN LINE with what to expect of 3yr olds in a new setting.
There's nothing wrong with being 'one of those parents' if by that you mean a parent who recognises children are individuals developing and maturing not a ready made perfectly behaved product straight out of a box. Parents should be expecting schools to manage a child's behaviour without the need to report every nuance to them. What is the parent going to do anyway? They aren't present in school and whilst parents should back the school up and reinforce what is said it remains the schools responsibility to enforce their own rules. Sadly some poor teachers and TAs refuse to accept this and expect 100% good behaviour from very young children. In any civilised country children of 3,4 and 5 wouldn't even be IN a formal learning setting.

"Do they get that by covert selection, by drilling or by wonderful, inspirational teaching? I'm sure it's fine- but......just keep an eye."

My thought too, Hakluyt. Make life less than fun for the "full of mischief" kids at playgroup age, start dropping hints (via current parents, too) that anything apart from perfect Susie who never does anything wrong isn't very welcome, and maybe the parents of the undesirables will apply to a different primary and not risk spoiling their lovely statistics.

"School" and "teachers" and "uniform" for 3 year olds :(

I missed the uniform. Yup that's a major red flag for me. As is being 'warned' by three other parents. Do we thing they were all parenting Attilla the Hun or do we think it's the school........

And I'm sure you know this - forgive me- but being in the nursery does not necessarily mean a place in the school.........

I do actually know of parents who have sent their children to a different school despite it being their catchment - and my concern is that we've been a bit daft by ignoring three neighbours who have warned us.

Well it MIGHT be fine. Two out of my three would have been fine in a school like that. For one it would have been a disaster. I would keep an eye on it and yes do look at other schools and see what your gut says when you visit.