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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about availability of the James Foley video?

54 replies

Bambambini · 26/08/2014 15:11

Been away from the news for a few weeks and just caught up with this. I would never watch one of these videos but just saw a comment where someones 12 yr old daughter was shown the video by older kids on another child's phone and she was very upset (understandably).

Just realised that although I would never watch this, there is a possibility young kids are sharing this kind of thing with friends and it might be doing the rounds in schools. Wasn't sure where to put this and not trying to kick off the usual AIBU malarkey but is anyone else worried about their kids seeing this kind of thing? Especially as they will be back at school soon.

The girl spoken about was surprised and shown suddenly, didn't even have a choice in the matter.

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ROARmeow · 26/08/2014 19:07

It is gross that such videos are in circulation, but it's nothing new.

I'm 30 years old and even when I was a teen (when internet wasn't so widespread) I remember seeing videos about punishment beatings, people being shot, hands cut off etc etc.

It's always been there, somewhere, but now it's just everywhere.

Is awful that someone so young saw it when she didn't want to and is too young to understand.

YANBU

noblegiraffe · 26/08/2014 19:22

If kids are being shown it at school then it should be reported to the school and treated as a serious discipline issue. Same with porn etc.

In the meantime I suppose you can only tell your kids to not watch anything from people they don't trust and walk away if they are uncomfortable with anything, reporting to an adult if done maliciously.

ilovechristmas1 · 26/08/2014 19:36

a friend of mine watched it,i was shocked that they did

i cant imagine how disturbing it must be for a young person to watch it

as someone said if this happened in school it should be reported

Original poster
Bambambini · 26/08/2014 19:39

I'm older and we just didn't have access to this kind of thing so wouldn't say it was always there (or that children could easily access anyway). I was already about them accessing porn on the Internet - these horrid videos hadn't really crossed my mind as yet. Another thing to worry about.

Problem is when you see this kind of thing - you can never unsee it. I would imagine it could cause a lot of upset - I can also imagine it is just the kind of thing many kids will access.

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HeySoulSister · 26/08/2014 20:52

I've seen it and it's very very menacing and distressing. Why did I view it? I don't know. But it was very easy to access. I think schools will face massive problems over Internet accessibility , more so than they do already.

FloozeyLoozey · 26/08/2014 20:58

From what I have read, it doesn't show the actual beheading itself. There are a lot of gruesome videos out there that do show beheadings. Grim.

echt · 26/08/2014 21:17

I saw it in the small window before it became censored, though it has now re-emerged, presumably because unless you're in China, the internet is not controllable.

I would imagine a lot of children will have seen it by now, so would be on stand by for the fall-out, both those who will be distressed by it, and those who would bullishly whoop up on the violence.

Original poster
Bambambini · 26/08/2014 21:20

So has anyone spoken to their kids about it? Torn between having a discussion and warning him it might come up or worried about putting the idea in his head.

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dolphinsandwhales · 26/08/2014 21:30

I know this is a stupid question but can anyone vaguely describe what's shown in one of these videos? I've never watched one, don't want to watch one, but would like to know how awful the image is if that makes sense?

Methe · 26/08/2014 21:33

I'd worry about a person who would willingly watch such a thing to be honest :(

LilMissSunshine9 · 26/08/2014 21:45

Just thought I'd let you know that it was reported in the news when the MEt made their statement about the video that there is risk they could prosecute for a terrorist offence anyone downloading, circulating and watching the video. Note that this is not to scare anyone but just to inform.

Here's a link to a news article that states what I watched on the news as well
blogs.channel4.com/simon-israel-home-affairs/uk-counterterrorism-police-investigate-james-foley-murder-video/863

Hmm about there statement - not sure how they can really enforce it

cozietoesie · 26/08/2014 21:55

If it's on the internet, the likelihood is that they'll find it or be shown it, whatever 'it' may be. (There are even plenty of ways round the blocks that parents and local authorities can put on various sites and types of content and some kids tend to know all the latest.) I'd have a discussion with him, in general terms, about internet content.

ArsenicyOldFace · 26/08/2014 21:56

I haven't seen it and never would click a link like that.

It seems clear to me that social media organisations etc could do more to block terror propaganda.

But I remember that shock sites were carrying the Ken Bigley footage back whenever that was so in terms of stamping it out completely, it seems a bit hopeless.

Original poster
Bambambini · 26/08/2014 21:59

I know it's everywhere these days. I'm just a bit depressed and feel sad I can't protect my kids from seeing these kinds of images.

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cozietoesie · 26/08/2014 22:05

Maybe have a good read of this site before you chat to them. If you couch guidance on violence and pornography in a context of general safety issues then I think it won't be so prominent in their minds. (See the section on 'Safeguarding Children' in particular.)

ArsenicyOldFace · 26/08/2014 22:10

I find it v depressing too.

FWIW I don't remember any specific conversations about this issue (although I know we've had them and discussed terrorism itself quite a bit) with teens about this, but we have had many many conversations about internet, porn, social media over the years and I am pretty sure they would choose not to look.

They don't seem to have much trouble saying no to certain things even if they still are aware of it going on around them and hear/see snippets.

In fact, one has always been a social media refusenik despite significant pressure from peers at times.

So it's not all doom and gloom. I think it is still possible to be a teen and stay a bit apart from certain things, but in no way possible to stay unaware/innocent any more.

Latara · 27/08/2014 00:00

My FB friends are all sharing a photo of James Foley as he was; apparently his mother wanted it shared to remind people of the man behind the shocking news, and for people to share his photo instead of the murder video - very sad for her :(

steff13 · 27/08/2014 00:06

I heard his parents give a press conference on the radio. I don't know how they could form words. I feel so sorry for them. As if losing your child wasn't terrible enough, but to lose him in such a horrifying way.

Original poster
Bambambini · 27/08/2014 00:23

I felt the same about Ken Bigely and still remember him all these years later. I would rather remember them as they were - the thought of their awful last moments being entertainment on the Internet must be an extra twist of the knife in the hearts if their parents and loved ones.

Unfortunately I just don't think many young kids are old enough to really grasp all this.

I just feel with these videos and porn now freely available, our kids innocence and well being is being destroyed or at least harmed and there's not much we can do about it. My son is 12 and the age now that dealing with this is now a reality - it's actually hear now.

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UnacceptableWidge · 27/08/2014 00:24

YADNBU

When I wondered allowed why anyone would watch video my 14 yr old DS said he had seen it. That was the least disturbing part of our conversation.

Apparently "it wasn't that bad, I've seen way worse ones"

How can we possibly stop them accessing these things when our DC have independent access to the Internet, if not personally then with their friends?

I'm too old for my teen years to have had Internet but there were some who had seen some very disturbing videos (pornographic or violent) but they had to arrange to get hold of it, get somewhere they could watch it and it was easy to say "I'm not allowed out" or some such rubbish if you didn't want to see it but didn't feel brave enough to count yourself out.

Now friends pull the clips out of their pocket in the playground or send it directly to you.

Original poster
Bambambini · 27/08/2014 00:50

Unacceptable - sorry to hear that, must be difficult for you and awful for your son no matter how blasé he seems about it. This is why I'm afraid. Seems like it's really out of our control and more about damage limitation.

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ArsenicyOldFace · 27/08/2014 00:58

I just asked my teens.

One hasn't seen anything in this vein and hasn't heard much about what others have seen (makes sense - that one would positively exude squeamishness and disapproval and avoid if at all possible - much more aware re other things).

The other is not aware of the Foley footage having been viewed specifically (it did happen since school broke up of course) but has just told me that footage of Gaddafi's death was widely viewed around school on mobiled devices, that the peer group routinely look at Syrian beheadings, crucifixions etc, the footage of the blood-drenched Lee Rigby killers was keenly circulated etc etc.

I hadn't realised the extent of it until I asked directly. I am shocked.

ArsenicyOldFace · 27/08/2014 01:05

Bamb one of mine just stayed up until after midnight talking about it. Not blase but very articulate about how they feel their generation's reactions have inevitably been blunted.

They have seen some footage they would rather they hadn't, but not the beheadings.

What can we do? The genie's out of the bottle.

fluffyduffydoo · 27/08/2014 01:10

I don't know

I remember watching images of starving children in Africa for Blue Peter appeals and on Newsround

And yes it affected me but that's the media for you

Original poster
Bambambini · 27/08/2014 01:27

Fluffy, don't really think news clips of starving children (as upsetting as it is) is quite the same as our children seeking out or being shown these gruesome execution type videos and seeing it as entertainment.

Arsenic - I'm scared to ask now, though think at 12 and not being with his friends since school broke up - he probably isn't aware of this video. It's something we are going to have to talk about - bloody hell. Why can't we protect them from this!

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