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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to punish the three of them..?

43 replies

WillWorkForMoney · 22/08/2014 15:15

Just noticed one of the dc (4,6 +10) have drawn a line all the way up the bannister in biro. No one is admitting it and in my eyes it could be any of them. So I've said no electronics until whoever did it cleans it off. So far none have cleaned it. What would you do in my position?

OP posts:

Annunziata · 22/08/2014 15:21

When did you first say no electronics?

I would keep that up until tomorrow morning, and then I would sit them all down and put on the calm disappointed act.

CatThiefKeith · 22/08/2014 15:21

Stick to your guns! Tell them you are not interested in who did it, you just want it cleaned off, then shut the door so they can do it in privacy if need be.

Hopefully the innocent two will nag the culprit into it.

BonaDea · 22/08/2014 15:24

YANBU

SarahThane · 22/08/2014 15:28

How are you hoping they clean it off? Biro's difficult to shift and I'm not sure they'd have access to specialist cleaning products.

I'd think fuck it. I remember doing green crayoning over a lot of paintwork when I was small. My parents were not happy but didn't make a big deal about it.

Andrewofgg · 22/08/2014 15:29

CatThiefKeith What if the OP finds two more lines next to the first one?

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2014 15:32

Make them all clean it off. One section each.

Suefla62 · 22/08/2014 15:34

Hairspray will remove biro.

SocialFool · 22/08/2014 15:36

When DS (3) drew in felt tip on my wooden table I told him he had to sit and watch whilst I cleaned it off. It took me over an hour and a half, and that was before I gave up, you can still see some even after I've sanded the table and re-oiled it. He has never done it again.

I'd see how easy it is to shift, if you can do it relatively easily then show them how and give each a section to clean and no electronics til it's done. If you can't clean it easily then something else?

Stop pocket money to cover the cost of cleaning/replacing?
No unsupervised pens for a week?

SarahThane · 22/08/2014 15:38

Oh, and also, I think I read something about bannisters not even being the right word.

I hate this. I can't tell which threads are jokey and which are not and it is a minefield.

PenisesAreNotPink · 22/08/2014 15:42

Depending on the age
I'd charge the time to clean it off - £5 an hour from all their pocket money which I then take the opportunity to actually take that money and buy sweets/magazines for me also showing them that money equals that you buy things

A teenager did something to a wall in my house and I deducted £100 from his pocket money to pay for it. He didn't do it again.

CatThiefKeith · 22/08/2014 15:45

At that point Andrewfogg, I think I would admit defeat and laugh!

MrsWinnibago · 22/08/2014 15:49

I'm with sarah tbh. I never freak out. Biro on the wall isn't a big deal....mine have done it a couple of times but seem to have grown out of it now.

LeonardWentToTheOffice · 22/08/2014 15:52

Nightmare. DS when he was 3 and we'd just moved in to new rented house got hold of a permanent black marker. Floor, curtains, my bed, wardrobe, drawers, door, fridge and cooker oh and my duvet. Little squiggles on each. Think it was a kind of protest at us moving even though he loved the new house. Bits of it are still visible today :-( He is the only child in house so no-one else to blame. Even when a bit older we'd find the odd word written here and there though he denied those! He even wrote my name on the wall at my mum's to get me into trouble!

Will a wipe get it off? They seem to impressively shift most marks! I think you should stick to your guns and expect them to at least have a go at removing it. Hopefully they've now realised what a huge no-no it is in your house and it won't happen again. I don't know what happens with this writing on things - it's like a temporary loss of sensibleness! Unfathomable. and then possible surprise at the result! I once scratched my name into one of my mum's table mats. Think I was about 13. WHY???!!

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2014 15:52

So if only one of them did it, two innocent kids are getting punished because of it?

How is that fair?

ArabellaTarantella · 22/08/2014 15:56

worra - because if she punishes all three, then 2 of them will nag the culprit. That's fair and better than letting one get away with it to live another day with another biro !!

bellarations · 22/08/2014 15:58

I would be cross, but holding out for someone to remove it may end up with you having to back down. At their age they have apparently (according to my dc!) worked out that "you can't read their brains!"
There have been some good suggestions, I would see how difficult it is to remove, perfume usually works, then give them a section each until it is all gone.

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2014 15:58

Arabella that's only going to work if they know who actually did it.

If they don't, it's likely to cause the mother of all rows and resentment.

It's simply not fair. What's the point in being good if you're going to end up being punished anyway?

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2014 16:01

An advantage of all of them being made to clean it off is that it will discourage any of them from ever doing similar.

PeterParkerSays · 22/08/2014 16:03

Tell them they can't have electronics until the pen comes off then try WD40 on a soft cloth to shift it.

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2014 16:03

I'm really close to my siblings but if I had to get punished every time one of them did something naughty and didn't own up, I think I would have ended up hating them really.

Plus, there would be no incentive to behave myself.

EmeraldLion · 22/08/2014 16:04

Mine are 6 and 4 and I've 'punished' them both before.

I can't even remember what it was now...I came into the room and one of them had done something deliberate that they know they're not supposed to...I think it was something silly like pulling all the sofa cushions off onto the floor.

I asked who had done it and they were both adamant that it was the other...after 5 minutes of conversation they were both still insisting it was the other who did it.

So I sent them both to their room and said they would stay there until one of them came and owned up. I explained that I wasn't really cross about the cushions, but I was about whichever was lying, and whoever was the culprit would have to stay in the room for ten more minutes, and apologise to me and their brother for lying, and we'd leave it there.

It took about 15 minutes and ds2 came and owned up and apologised. He did his 10 minutes 'time' and that was that. But I haven't had any more occurrences of the same, and, they'll both know admit straight away if they're in the wrong, ds1 doesn't seem scarred for life from his unwarranted punishment...so IMO it worked.

Original poster

WillWorkForMoney · 22/08/2014 16:05

The 2 younger ones attempted washing it off (i didnt think it woul have been the oldest), I let them get on with it for about 15 minutes (dettol spray and a scourer) before I did it myself, I just wanted them to see how difficult it is to get off (Flash magic sponge ftw btw) After I was done the middle one admitted it was her.

We only moved into this house 2 weeks ago and I've told them time and time again they cannot draw on the walls as its a HA house and not sure if we will be getting inspected soon (The lady said she'd call in to make sure we're settling in)

OP posts:

Nomama · 22/08/2014 16:06

NU - let them work it out. But you could show them how to remove it and reiterate the no go punishment. Then set them all to it. Giving them all the option to fess up and clean it off alone.

They will eventually figure out who it was, your 10 year old may then become a second pair of eyes for you (I'm assuming it was one of the younger ones).

My sister did this, down the stairs and in her room. She was told very sternly not to draw on the stairs or in her bedroom, so she filled my room with scribble - not sure how my parents coped, rented house, 6 month let and she got to almost every room in the house!

Original poster

WillWorkForMoney · 22/08/2014 16:17

Dd2 has a habit of drawing on walls etc, but dd3 is going through a bbit fibbing stage so I was unsure which it was.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2014 16:19

Ah glad it's resolved. And glad that they've had some experience of how difficult it is to remove as well!

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