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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask ideas on excuses for ILs?

44 replies

Mrsbagface · 18/08/2014 16:09

I know this will sound mean but we have just moved house and now have two spare rooms. One will be a study and the other could be a spare bedroom but I am deliberately not going to make it one.

The reason for this is that Pils are nightmares. Horrid to kids at times (Shouty, bad tempered) annoying, bitchy (mil) and just quite awful actually. We see as little of them as possible. Anyway mil has said oh, we can come and stay with you now! They are v tight and spend their lives as guests to other people. If I let them stay once they'll be here once a month. Can anyone think of good excuses?

OP posts:

HappyAgainOneDay · 18/08/2014 16:11

Storage room? Full of boxes that have not yet been unpacked and never will.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 18/08/2014 16:12

You could just say they are not welcome to stay because of how they treat the children.

Or turn it in to a play room?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/08/2014 16:12

Cant you just say "im sorry that doesnt work for us" every time they try and invite themselves. Ignore hints and only respond to direct requests.

And give the kids a TV room. Oh and you obviously need a crafts room

kentishgirl · 18/08/2014 16:13

No spare bed?

One of you snores horrendously and anyone that has heard it complains?

Make the room into something else. Even if you just fill it up with storage/junk. Or turn it into a craft room. Or the kids' playroom. Do the kids share - give them a room each. Have separate bedrooms for you and husband (none of their business why, and of course you don't have to sleep there).

What do you actually want to use it for?

deakymom · 18/08/2014 16:13

play room suddenly become interested in jewelry making crafting etc break out in cats if they are pet haters..............

chocoluvva · 18/08/2014 16:13

Are there any types of pet they don't like? Snakes? Cats?

AMumInScotland · 18/08/2014 16:27

I'd go with "No, I don't see that happening" with no further explanation. Or maybe if pushed "Oh I don't think that would work, you do seem to find the children so annoying after even just a litle time with them"

But then I get even more stressed by trying to lie than I do at outright confrontation!

If you do plan to make an excuse, are they going to be coming to the house at all? If so, you'll need to make it failry convincing that the room is genuinely in use. A sewing room is quite good for that, as you can have half-finished projects over every available surface.

Shallan · 18/08/2014 16:31

Appreciate it may be too late for this, but never admit you have a spare room to people you don't want to visit!

We are buying a new flat shortly, which we are describing as two bed, although anybody who sees it would quickly notice the "playroom" beside the two bedrooms.

Make one a study, one a playroom, don't put beds in, and respond to any suggestion of visits by being adamant you don't have room (you can still get inflatable/fold out beds for visitors you actually like...)

Bohemond · 18/08/2014 16:31

Put a decent sofabed in so you can accommodate others but tell them it is a sofa.

FetchezLaVache · 18/08/2014 16:33

I would go with exactly what AMumInScotland said. If you make excuses, you give her an "in" to negotiate. How far away from you do they live- is it feasible for them to visit just for the day and FO back home again after dinner?

ithoughtofitfirst · 18/08/2014 16:42

play room. love that idea.

Original poster

Mrsbagface · 18/08/2014 16:43

Some great ideas here!

OP posts:

TalcumPowder · 18/08/2014 16:45

Don't waste your mental energy on inventing spurious excuses for people who seem to have no compunction in behaving unpleasantly to you. I would go with AMuminScotland's first paragraph as an approach. Polite, calm, direct - and repeat as necessary. Would you have a spare room you would like to have available for other people you would actually enjoy having to stay? Don't block off that possibility because of the PIL.

Original poster

Mrsbagface · 18/08/2014 16:47

They do live close enough to go back home again. Problem is mil knows I don't like them and will ask dh instead who might say yes. I will have to school him. They are thick skinned buggers though. Also quite capable of coming through for the day then saying oh it's late we could just stay?

OP posts:

russiandwarf · 18/08/2014 16:51

Put all your boxes in there and deliberately show no signs of making progress with the contents until you can think of the best plan of action. Never make an excuse just deflect - say you're not settled in yet, not convenient at the moment etc.
Is your other half in agreement about the annoyance of the PIL or is it just you who is annoyed? How far away do they live?
I get annoyed all the time by mine 'popping in' but it has taken an eternity to get my DH on board with this!!

TalcumPowder · 18/08/2014 16:51

Then you say 'That doesn't work for us, I'm afraid.' And keep it up until they repack their toothbrushes and go home.

Staywithme · 18/08/2014 17:00

Get a few boxes and stack them up at the door so they can't see the room, then it can be 'full' to the brim while looking lovely for your guests

Staywithme · 18/08/2014 17:02

P.s. If they ask, you're storing stuff for a friend while they travel the world, do voluntary work in (name country) or have their new house built, which will take a very, very long time.

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 18/08/2014 17:05

Isn't this the occasion to use the only funny line in Friends ever? "I could, but I just don't want to."

Frontier · 18/08/2014 17:07

They find Dc such hard work and so noisy (or whatever it is that annoys them) that they really wouldn't enjoy it.

Plus you have found the new neighbours so friendly that all your weekends are full with social engagements.

oldgrandmama · 18/08/2014 17:10

Buy some stinky sweet snakes, lizards, terrapins, install several vivariums in the room. Be really enthusiastic when you describe your new pets to ILs, explaining how you also have to buy frozen dead chicks and mice to feed them, and when ILs stay (on the leaky blow up beds in the pets' room) they'll enjoy feeding the animals, as the corpses will have their own 'fridge in the room too - plenty of room for the ILs' snacks as well.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 18/08/2014 17:12

Oh, that's tricky. Not having a spare room is very useful. Perhaps you could have some more children?

I think you're just going to have to be blunt. If they are rude enough to invite themselves then you can just say "no, we don't want you to come and stay".

And make sure that your husband is ready with the same response - unless of course he would like them to stay, in which case it's a bit more tricky.

sparechange · 18/08/2014 17:12

You know those fake doors that look like a panel in the library in mystery films...
Get one of those for your landing! Unless you know the magic part of the wall, it is just another bit of wall and dado rail...

Kewcumber · 18/08/2014 17:15

Invent a lodger who doesn't come out of their room much.

Might freak the kids out a bit though.

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/08/2014 17:16

Tell them it's your sex room. They won't ask any questions after that.

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