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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Quite willing to accept might be...it's got step mums in it too!

76 replies

3stripesandout · 13/08/2014 21:43

I have a song I've sung to the DC every night since they were babies (you are my sunshine) it accompanies scratchy back (like a stroke/tickle on their backs) all 3 of them have it in turn and it's their two minutes that is sacrosanct and not to be disturbed by the others just before sleep!

DD informed me tonight that this routine has been adopted by step mother/dads girlfriend.

AIBU to think I should be able to keep this just for myself?

OP posts:

Original poster

3stripesandout · 13/08/2014 21:46

Just to add we've been divorced for 2 years so there's no problem with them getting to sleep there!

OP posts:

TessTackle · 13/08/2014 21:46

Yadnbu! Do they like her doing it?

plinth · 13/08/2014 21:47

Creepy and weird.

How do your children feel about it?

ThatBloodyWoman · 13/08/2014 21:49

I would have thought its being done to adhere to the childrens routine and make them feel secure.

UselessNess · 13/08/2014 21:51

Is it because the kids asked her to do it? If so, then maybe it's, sort of, ok ? It's a bit weird but if the kids asked for it then maybe she didn't realise it was your special thing. Presumably she hasn't seen you doing it.

Rivercam · 13/08/2014 21:52

I'd feel a little bit put out, as it's special time for you and them, unless it's as ThTbloodywomen says.

ginslinger · 13/08/2014 21:52

I agree with that bloody woman - it's a problem if DCs don't like it

primarynoodle · 13/08/2014 21:55

aww no this would be really upsetting for me :( whether it is U or NU because the kids have asked step-mum, yanbu to be upset!

ADHDNoodles · 13/08/2014 21:55

When I watch children, I follow their set routine. If that routine is reading a bedtime story, I read a bedtime story. I've had a few of them insist I sing to them the way their parents do, so I do.

It's good she's keeping to their routine. It shows she cares.

If it's helping them sleep well at night and they like it, then that's what's important. Their feelings come before yours on this.

myroomisatip · 13/08/2014 21:55

Well, sorry, but from my POV that is a very special song. It is emotive.

I would not want my kids to share that with any other adult :( IMO that is out of order.

It is one thing forging a relationship with step kids, but it has to be a unique relationship surely?

Sorry for you in this situation. I would be most unhappy about that! In fact, in all honesty I would be furious but then I am a bit hot headed. :(

ThatBloodyWoman · 13/08/2014 21:55

I don't think its weird in the slightest, so long as they are happy.
Its all about the children, this step parenting lark imo.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 13/08/2014 21:57

YANBU! Get on the phone and tell that creepy biatch so find her own friggin songs !

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 13/08/2014 21:59

I wouldn't like it at all.

BookABooSue · 13/08/2014 22:00

I can see why you feel put out but I think she must have asked about bedtime routine and they've told her about it. She probably won't realise that it feels significant to you and DCs can feel very comforted by repetition of the same song.

(speaks from experience of trying to get friend's dd to sleep without knowing there was only one song that settled her! One verse of the chosen song and she was quiet as a lamb.)

plinth · 13/08/2014 22:00

Softly

SaucyJack · 13/08/2014 22:02

She probably means well, but you're right- it's too personal.

Is your ex a reasonable type? Can you get him to ask her not to?

FunLovinBunster · 13/08/2014 22:02

Whilst it's naice that she's following your routine, I would feel more than miffed if I was you. And poke voodoo dolls with her name on.

MuttonCadet · 13/08/2014 22:04

How does she know about it? If the kids asked her too then I think she's just being nice.

FlossyMoo · 13/08/2014 22:04

I wouldn't like it either OP. I have special silly things I do with my DC hat are 'our thing' strangely enough they are songs too.

However how has it been adopted? What I mean is how does SM know about the song. Has DC told her about it and asked her to do it?

WooWooOwl · 13/08/2014 22:10

It would upset me too, but it's one of those things that you can't say anything about without it turning into a big deal and having it be spoilt anyway.

hoobypickypicky · 13/08/2014 22:12

I wouldn't feel miffed but, it depends on the ages of the DC and how they feel about it and the relationship they have with their dad's girlfriend.

If she's a "real" step mum (oh God, please don't flame me, I mean if she lives with the ex and is/is going to be a regular part of their lives for the foreseeable future and not a fly by night here today, gone next week girlfriend) I'd think it a nice bit of continuity, and an effort on her part to build a bond with children who are part of her family and to try to keep your routine.

If she's a new GF and just trying to establish her place in a family that to date she isn't really part of as yet then I think "back off" would be my response. Yes, act like that when you are sharing care with the ex as a committed couple and step parent but don't push it, don't try to come on too strong, it will just seem ott and invasive on the actual parenting team, i.e. you and the ex.

It depends what she is and what place she has in the DC's lives.

SallyMcgally · 13/08/2014 22:30

I don't think YABU. I'd mind this a lot - it would feel quite a violation. BUT I think it's quite possible that she is trying to do a nice thing and as a stepmother you can be damned if you do and damned if you don't. Perhaps misjudgement on her part, but I suspect her heart's in the right place.

zipzap · 13/08/2014 22:38

maybe you should encourage the dc to think of another song that could be the one that their stepmum or dad sings to them, so that it's special to them rather than use your special song - so they have different ones for different houses so to speak.

ICanSeeTheShardFromHere · 13/08/2014 22:38

Depends if the DCs have asked her to do it because it makes them feel secure away from home.

If that's the case, I don't really see how you can stop it. What is she supposed to say the next time they ask her to do it?

Namechangearoonie123 · 13/08/2014 22:42

Swallow it.

Being miffed is fine , I would be very miffed too.

But the kids come first, if they like it, fine.

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