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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

iiiiiiit's another wedding thread! AIBU?

57 replies

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 28/07/2014 07:59

A family member's wedding is coming up. They've asked for money but we really can't afford to give any money at the moment. I know turning up without a gift isn't the done thing, but if everyone else is giving money, a nice photo frame (pretty much all we can stretch to at the moment) isn't going to be any good, is it?

What's the general rule for if you can't afford to give the B&G money?

OP posts:

JenniferJo · 28/07/2014 08:03

It's tricky. Certainly take a present if you can't afford to give any money.

londonrach · 28/07/2014 08:05

I gave some wine glasses from a supermarket once (60p each) wrapped in very nice tissue paper and a bottle of their fav wine in a pretty wedding bag. Whole thing cost £8 as I didn't gave much money at the time. B&g were very pleased as wine glasses are always useful. It's the thought that counts. If they any friends they understand that.

lettertoherms · 28/07/2014 08:06

A) Put a fiver in the card with a nice genuine sentiment. As long as your relatives aren't awful, they'll appreciate it.

B) Go with the photo frame. Seriously, those who aren't bridezillas and grabby grooms know to be grateful for any gift and accept graciously.

C) Don't bring a gift at all. They are unlikely to notice and if they're close, will care more about having you there than getting a gift.

But do report back if you get a follow-up poem!

BauerTime · 28/07/2014 08:07

Ultimately you decide what gift you give, and any decent person wouldn't expect you to go above and beyond what you can afford......

BUT id steer clear of photo frames as they will probably get loads of them. Maybe try and think of something a bit more personal to them.

fortifiedwithtea · 28/07/2014 08:08

I would use a guide line of how much would you spend on food if you went for a modest meal out times however many of you are on you invite.

Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 08:11

Just take a small gift....it's not a rule that you must take money.

Legionofboom · 28/07/2014 08:12

I think a photo frame is a perfectly acceptable gift.

The B&G have indicated that money would be their preferred choice. But you can give whatever you like/can afford. Anyone who comments on the lack of a money gift would be extremely rude.

Littleroobe · 28/07/2014 08:19

I've been looking into doing a book fold (look on pintrest for ideas!) into a heart or initials for a wedding I'm going to. All that will cost is the price of a book from a charity shop, ribbon and some pretty paper to cover the book. I recon about £5 if not less. Personal, pretty and low cost!

VashtaNerada · 28/07/2014 08:21

I think a photo frame is fine. At my wedding a very large proportion of guests didn't get a present or card at all, so I'd be very grateful for anything really!

Original poster

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 28/07/2014 08:22

fortified we haven't been for a meal out for ages as we can't afford it :(

I'm relieved to hear that gifts are acceptable, I'll try and find something a bit more personal. They're a lovely couple so I don't think there'll be a grabby poem

OP posts:

Ragwort · 28/07/2014 08:23

How much would a photo frame cost? How close are they to you, ie: can you genuinely say 'we'd love to come to your wedding but as you know money is really tight so we won't be able to give you a cash gift at the moment'.

Will you incur any travelling expenses to get there?

I have been to weddings and not taken a gift (esp. second weddings - and yes, I have been married twice ). Could you offer a 'favour' as a gift - ie: gardening/babysitting/cleaning/pet sitting/whatever?

I honestly wouldn't give a photo frame, people usually get hundreds of them.

Pigriver · 28/07/2014 08:26

Are you crafty at all? Could you make them something? For us the nicest things were the personal bits and bobs (handmade card etc).
A nice bottle of wine/prosecco should cost about a tenner.

I am sure your family will know things are a bit tight and be thankful of the sentiment of whatever you give. I really do think these grabby brides are few and far between but we like to talk about them a lot!

tryingtocatchthewind · 28/07/2014 08:26

Yes definitely just take a small gift. My favourite gift was a really small glass vase that must have only cost a fiver but it was just right size to keep my wedding bouquet in. The guest was delighted when I told her

Original poster

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 28/07/2014 08:31

Not sure how much a frame would cost. I might see what my parents are doing with regards to a gift as they struggle for money too. Travelling expenses will be the petrol there and back, it's an hour and a bit away.

Thanks everyone :)

OP posts:

eltsihT · 28/07/2014 08:35

We had a similar situation earlier this year. Close friends got married, we couldn't afford to give the a present at the time, we gave them a card on the day, and about 6 months later gave them a voucher for the shop were there wedd

WestmorlandSausage · 28/07/2014 08:35

nice bottle of prosecco and a lottery ticket for the day/ as close to their wedding as possible in a nice card with a nice sentiment in it.

HazelBite · 28/07/2014 08:37

Do they have a garden? If so what about a rose bush with a suitable "name" that celebrates their love/the occasion.
They are not very expensive.

VSeth · 28/07/2014 08:38

Gifts are acceptable, photo frames are great for weddings.

I am ordering a personalised clock £19.99 for a wedding we are going to because I can't afford to stick £100 in a card which is the norm in my DH's family.

Alternatively if there is a group of you going could you arrange a collection? Then pressure is off individuals?

fluffyraggies · 28/07/2014 08:38

I second the idea of hunting round in the 'cheap as chips' shops for wine glasses/dessert dishes/candle holders or similar. A packet of pretty tissue and some matching ribbon from one of the big card shops will make them look a million dollars. Wrapping is everything!

Gift is fine instead of cash.

We bought B + SIL some lovely tea light holders - a pair of large cream bone china magnolia flowers (very 'them'). SIL in particular loves them so much they are on permanent display on their coffee table. They only cost us a fiver! (havn't told her that obviously).

mummybare · 28/07/2014 08:41

I agree with pps, I really wouldn't worry. If you are creative, a handmade gift would be lovely. We got a couple of those sorts of things and they are treasured possessions. If not, a photo frame or similar is a nice gift and will always be useful. We were given a huge variety of stuff and it was all appreciated. Some people didn't give a gift but I don't actually remember who they were, let alone hold it against them! The main thing is that you are there to celebrate the couple's big day with them.

dannydyerismydad · 28/07/2014 08:41

By far my most favourite wedding gift was a pair of pasta bowls. The guests are particularly arty types and went to one of those pottery painting places and decorated them for us. It's lovely to have a gift that so much thought went into.

zukiecat · 28/07/2014 08:42

I was in this same situation very recently, except the gift list was at John Lewis, and was far beyond my reach, cheapest thing was one towel for £10, and I didn't want to give just one towel!

So I went for a pretty scatter cushion and a wicker heart from a much cheaper shop, I was just going as a guest of a guest and I thought this was a nice but inexpensive gift, the friend I was going with certainly thought so.

Unfortunately, four months on, I still haven't heard anything from the bride and groom as to whether they liked it or not, but If I was to go another wedding, I'd still go for something similar, and I think a photo frame is a very nice gift, but really anything you can afford will be fine.

I think the fact that my gift hasn't been acknowledged is more to do with this particular bride and groom, rather than being a horrible thing!

Madamecastafiore · 28/07/2014 08:48

Get a little album and take your camera to the ceremony and party afterwards. Try and take some nice photos and either get them developed and stuck them in the album for the B&G or if you have a really nice one stick it in the photo frame and give them that. The sentience will be so nice they won't think about you not having given money.

ikeaismylocal · 28/07/2014 08:48

I would spend the money you would have spent on a photo frame on something unusual or fun ( around 5/10 pounds I'd guess) having said that I'm getting married this summer and I'd hate to think about guests stressing about buying us gifts or giving money, we purposefully didn't mention gifts as it really is up to the guests how little or much they want to give (a smile and a homemade card would be a lovely gift).

WaitMonkey · 28/07/2014 08:53

I love the idea of a bottle of wine and glasses wrapped in tissue paper. Really nice, thoughtful and inexpensive gift.

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