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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be concerned that a 22 month old can't walk

41 replies

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 22:47

understand that people might say mind your own business, call me a nosy bitch and ask what it's got to do with me, but that's exactly why I am asking.

Saw friends kid who is still only bum shuffling a couple of weeks ago and friends are totally uninterested in getting her to walk or when she might walk. She is teeny tiny and has a very oddly shaped head as well and neither parent seems remotely interested in encouraging her.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it - I know nothing to do with me but I just think they should be doing something but I don't know what.

can anyone suggest anything?

OP posts:

MrsKCastle · 27/07/2014 22:53

Are you sure they've not already taken advice? I think (mostly from what I've read on here) that parents of late walkers and talkers often get constant comments from well-meaning friends and family. If that were me, I would speak to HV etc but I would also practice a nice airy brush-off so that I didn't have to explain yet again that yes, we're aware she's not walking, yes we''re sure she's ok' etc etc.

Meloria · 27/07/2014 22:53

For the love of God, keep out of it!

What do you want them to do when you're all together? Ignore you and spend all the time encouraging the child to walk?

Maybe there is a problem and they don't want to discuss it with you. I'm sure if there was an issue the GP, HV or family members would have said something by now.

GoingToBedfordshire · 27/07/2014 22:53

It is unusual but not unheard of at that age. Be sensitive around your friend. It is unlikely that they are truly totally uninterested in when she might walk. For all you know, they may have sought an opinion from a healthcare professional but feel awkward about talking it.

WienerDiva · 27/07/2014 22:55

My HV wasn't too interested that my dd was a late walker at all. Wish she had been because we have since discovered she is very hyper mobile with a potential EDS diagnosis.

I wouldn't like to say whether you are right or not but some children do just walk very very late are absolutely fine. However, I really don't think there is anything you can say to your friends (they really won't thank you for it and think you're sticking your oar in even if it is with the best of intentions). Just be there for them if they need you.

BackforGood · 27/07/2014 22:57

YANBU to be concerned - that is late - but what you say, will depend on what relationship you have with your friend.

Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 22:58

the HV apparently has told them she is concerned but they have dismissed her as a "nosy bitch"

I suppose what I am concerned about and I am not intending to do anything as I know it's none of my business, is that they don't seem bothered. "She's just lazy"

I know lazy kids, I know a couple of REALLY lazy kids but she seemed like she had absolutely no inclination to go anywhere. she can't weight bear or support herself or pull herself up.

I think She might have had a hip x ray at the drs insistence which ruled something out, but that was about a year ago and since then she seems to have fallen in between the cracks.

I don't know whether that changes anyone's views or advices. You all seem to be saying I am unreasonable being concerned though?

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MorphineDreams · 27/07/2014 22:59

What makes you think they haven't noticed?

My friends child is exactly the same. His head is also a different shape because of how he was in the uterus. He recently got diagnosed with HM.

theendoftheendoftheend · 27/07/2014 22:59

The funny shaped head may have nothing to do with that, some babies get it just from always sleeping in the same position from new born, it rarely causes a problem. Are you close? They may be very concerned and have discussed it with professionals but just don't want to discuss it with you

MsVestibule · 27/07/2014 22:59

My DD didn't walk until she was 19 months, so not that much younger than your friends DD. She was also teeny tiny, but no odd shaped head.

She was 'late' with all of her milestones (sat up unaided at 8 months, crawled at 13 months) and I wasn't worried in the slightest, nor do I remember encouraging her to walk. I believe that up to 24 months is considered 'normal' and and I really don't think they'll welcome your input/comments.

theendoftheendoftheend · 27/07/2014 23:01

xpost just seen you're update. It does sound like a bit of an odd response, but again it could just be how they respond to people they are not very close to and don't want to discuss it with? Do they have other children?

Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 23:03

I have assumed we are in the picture re healthcare professionals. You are right though we may not be.

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MsVestibule · 27/07/2014 23:03

Why save most of the relevant information for the second post? In that case, YANBU to be concerned, but if the HV is already aware of the situation and she isn't in any danger, I don't know if there's anything you can do.

Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 23:04

We are pretty close so it's not like we are commenting from afar. Circumstances haven't allowed us to see each other a lot over the last year though which is why I suppose it came as a shock.

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Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 23:05

Msvestibule sorry for drip feeding I appreciate how annoying that is.

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cestlavielife · 27/07/2014 23:07

Far more important is how far she is cognitively , can she talk ? Can she communicate? Etc can she play appropriately for her age?
However late she walks that won't be the most important issue for the child. Communication however is important. Hyper mobility etc can lead to late walking.
Eventually child will go to nursery or school and there will be input. Nothing you can do if parents are not keen on pursuing...but is up to them.

jacks365 · 27/07/2014 23:07

If at approximately 10 months the doctor had an x-ray done to rule something out with regards to walking then you can be sure that there is a lot more going on than you know about.

curiousgeorgie · 27/07/2014 23:07

My DD was like this, it was hypermobility and she needed ( and still needs) a lot of Physio. I think I'd gently say something...

Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 23:10

Cestlavie, I would say incredibly behind with everything. Pretty much unable to communicate other than pointing and grunting. struggled to feed herself, but seemed very happy. When I held her her legs felt very odd in the position they were in, I struggle to
Explain but when I held her her legs stayed up rather than going down or clinging around like a baby monkey.

Jacks what do you mean? as in they are maybe seeing people but not telling anyone?

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MsVestibule · 27/07/2014 23:11

Very gracious apology to my mardy comment, thank you .

I honestly do see why you're concerned, especially as she can't weight bear and are dismissing their HV's concerns. I just don't know what you can do about it .

Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 23:11

Curious when did you notice? was it some him you brought up first. I don't feel like I can say anything as they mention it first and say she is lazy which makes me feel like that's them saying they don't want to talk about it

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Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 23:14

Ms vestibule no worries I just want to know whether I am being an arsehole for being concerned if that even makes sense. it seems like the general consensus is I am not but there is probably stuff they aren't telling us.

I hope nothing wrong but if nothing wrong and they aren't seeing people then they seem like they don't give a shit about what she is missing out on which leaves me a bit cold

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helensburgh · 27/07/2014 23:16

The health visitor has a duty of care and should have made referrals onward.

I think it's difficult but you have to support the situation from " a distance"

puddymuddles · 27/07/2014 23:20

My DD1 did not walk on her own until 2 years old and four days. She is hypermobile but didn't have any of the other issues you mention. she was talking well and not delayed in any other way. At 22 months she could weight bear but her ankles were weak and used to seem to bend over to the side a bit when she pulled herself up.

I do think your friend should get her DD checked out but maybe she is doing so and doesn't want to mention it. I used to moan to everyone about DD1 not walking. She is 3 now and perfectly fine. DD2 walked at 12 months.Perhaps your friend IS secretly worried but doesn't want to tell people anything until she gets a diagnosis.

People used to be really annoying asking me when DD1 was going to walk. I know they meant well but it was still annoying!

curious what age was your DD when she walked? What is her mobility like now?

jacks365 · 27/07/2014 23:21

What I meant was that 10 months is incredibly early to start doing any investigations at all and would be because there were much bigger issues than just lack of walking. I wonder whether the parents do know what's wrong but don't want to admit anything either to others or even themselves.

Original poster

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 27/07/2014 23:23

maybe It was after 1 then, i think it got picked up as she didn't weight bear at all but would that be 1 year check?

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