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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think this is rude and pushy?

28 replies

woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:32

I am a member of another Internet forum and on a stupid whim, a few months ago started a thread saying I thought I was going to be single forever.

Then about a month later, my life massively changed and not for the better. Unexpectedly the thread was upped by somebody (male) saying they were single forever and he sent me a message asking to meet me. I agreed, although I did say first I'd rather not as I was going through a hard time and wouldn't be great company but he insisted that was fine and so we arranged to meet.

He was okay but as I had indicated I did find the night hard. So I sent a message explaining this. He then kept saying he could help me through my journey which I ignored in the end!

I don't know why I feel cross about it, but my thread turned into a stupid one where people were trying to match me with any single man regardless of whether I felt up to it or not! It was as if the message was 'if you're both single what's the problem!'

Grr stupid thread. But I thought it was rude!

OP posts:
PureMorning · 27/07/2014 20:35

Yanbu.....

I have a single brother if you are interested....37, still lives at home, has 3 cats, likes puppets.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 27/07/2014 20:37

Um.... Not sure what you want anyone to say Hmm
If it is that much of an issue then just ask to have it deleted.
Your post is a bit confusing and vague.

SiennaBlake · 27/07/2014 20:39

I know a guy who'd be perfect for you. Let me set you up.

MrsCumbersnatch · 27/07/2014 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:41

I think it was because I felt I couldn't speculate/talk about being single, without being foisted onto any single man in the vicinity, regardless as to whether we had anything in common, and that even if I didn't feel up to it personally I should meet him as I should be grateful?

MN is really playing up for me, sorry if it didn't make sense. The page keeps freezing and then loading a different page.

OP posts:
Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:41

I really

OP posts:
rembrandtsrockchick · 27/07/2014 20:42

I have a friend.

He is very nice.

Smells a bit odd.

But is very nice.

I could (for a small fee) put you in touch.

Just don't ask about his mother.

FloozeyLoozey · 27/07/2014 20:42

How did your life change massively? Of what relevance is that to this story?

Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:43

Lol see what I mean!

I really don't want 'setting up' - not sure if people are trying to be funny, or not. But I'm not up to meeting anyone at the moment. I have had a pretty horrible time over the last three months.

I'm no longer a member of the forum so that isn't important.

OP posts:
Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:44

It's of relevance because I became quite severely depressed and leaving the house to meet a stranger actually took quite a lot out of me.

OP posts:
RumBaaaabaaaa · 27/07/2014 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:45

And I suppose, because at the time of starting the thread I was in a position where meeting someone would have been nice. But then somebody posted on it, taking the thread up to the top, and my original point was no longer relevant if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:47

All that happened was that firstly, I don't think a little moan about being single means that you should meet ANY available man and that if you say no thanks, that should be respected.

Obviously I regret it if I've made no sense but I am finding MN very difficult to post on tonight and I don't know why.

OP posts:
FiveExclamations · 27/07/2014 20:48

So basically you just wanted to talk and vent but everyone tried to fix you (as in fix you up)?

Basically they went for the obvious and thoughtless answer, I get why you would be irritated and frustrated. At least I think I do, I may have misunderstood and perhaps they honestly did too Grin.

Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 20:54

That is pretty much it, yes :) it was like 'oh you're single and he's single, problem solved'.

Except they tried to 'solve' the problem over a month later, I didn't want the problem solving, exactly, and also it put me in a really awkward position!

OP posts:
PinkyHasNoEars · 27/07/2014 20:58

This is clearly something that's still bothering you a little while later (if I have understood correctly). Do you know why that is?

SolidGoldBrass · 27/07/2014 21:04

I get it, OP. People are equating 'single' with 'desperate' and forgetting that you have the right to choose who you want to date, and are under no obligation to be satisfied with any old smelly, socially inept loser who just happens to be single as well.

I recently read something similar from a gay man who was fed up with straight people going 'Oh, you're gay and single, my cousin/work colleague/mother's care-worker's neighbour's son is gay too, we'll have to set you up with each other.'

A friend saying, oh I know [person] who likes the same films/books/music/sports/food as you, has the type of looks you generally go for, is known to me as a nice person and happens to be single, would you like to get in touch, is a completely different thing.

Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 21:16

Yes! You've nailed it, SGB! Thank you Flowers

It was the assumption that because I was single, well, he's single too so get together. And in turn, that meant during a period where to be honest I had far more important stuff on my mind I had some random bloke wanting to 'help me on my journey' Confused

I'm not saying it's awful but it was annoying, and made me feel cross.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 27/07/2014 21:42

I get what you are saying but surely you could have just ignored the thread. if you didn't want to go on a date then nobody could force you from behind a screen.

areyoumymother · 27/07/2014 21:51

If you want the pleasure of ranting away to strangers, you can only be humbly appreciative when they start making helpful suggestions. Maybe they're trying to make a dull thread more interesting.

Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 27/07/2014 22:02

You're right mommy I know, but in fairness I guess I was feeling a bit brow-beaten and felt a bit coerced into it.

Areyoumymother, I don't know if you're trying to be rude to me or if I've misunderstood, but no ones forcing you to read or post. I see loads of threads I think are dull/boring or whatever but don't need to post on them words to that effect!

OP posts:
areyoumymother · 28/07/2014 00:38

OP, you have misunderstood my words. I'm saying that you will save yourself a lot of grief if you accept that posting on threads requires a bit of give and take. You, as the OP, introduce your situation and the other posters respond with outrage, curiosity, advice etc. On this board, advice is given most often, especially if the dilemma is causing pain that posters think they know how to help with. If this response is not welcome (and if so, one wonders why you begin threads in the first place), you will have to see it as the bit where you 'give' tolerance towards all these busybodies who are trying to help you, especially since they have gone to the trouble of reading and thinking about your situation. Gratitude seems perhaps too big a word, but a mild sense of obligation would cover it. In my view, annoyance was an unreasonable response.

Original poster
woodlandfairypool · 28/07/2014 08:05

I see what you mean and thank you for clarifying.

I wasn't annoyed initially :) but then after a month or so the thread was suddenly back on the top! Then I had messages from this man (hey you're single I'm single ... let's meet.) I said no thank you, I won't be very good company. But he kept pushing so I did eventually. I'm not blaming anyone but me for this but then even after we met and I had said thanks but not for me he kept messaging me.

And then people on the thread (without knowing we'd met) were finding it hilarious that some match making could go on - oh why don't you two meet, ah a match made in heaven. All this spanned a good 3 months by the way with the thread being upped by random man!

I totally take your point but I do think unwelcome attention six weeks after having a little moan is annoying, and rude!

I guess it's what SGB said, above. I accept I'm reacting to it more strongly than I would normally because of other events though.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 28/07/2014 08:15

I don't think anyone was "rude and pushy". I think you started a thread saying "i am going to be single forever" and people tried to help you. If you didn't want that help maybe you shouldn't have put it out there?
If I started a thread saying "i don't think I will ever find a dog/book/house" people would fall over themselves to help me find one...so I don't.
Do you see what I mean?
I think people are genuinely good at heart and mean well.

noblegiraffe · 28/07/2014 08:23

Why on earth did you end up meeting some random bloke from the internet that you didn't want to meet purely because he told you to?

You didn't need to meet him. You didn't need to go back to your thread.

You knew what you wanted to happen (not meet this man, thread to die a death). It would have been very easy for that to happen, yet you met the man, kept reading the thread.

Why?