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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be nervous about Social Worker home visit..

36 replies

ConfusionAndDelay · 23/07/2014 11:16

We have a social worker visiting tomorrow. My step daughter has made an allegation of assault against her mother and Child Services have opened a case alongside the Police
Investigation. Social Worker sounds nice on the phone and has arranged to pop in for a chat and to meet step daughter and all of our family at home tomorrow.

I am so nervous and worried about being judged in some way. I don't really have anything to worry about, our house is "lived in" but clean and usually quite tidy, kids are all well cared for, well fed and happy. I also know she isn't coming to us for any accusations made about us.

AIBU to worry that this very lovely sounding lady is coming tomorrow just because she is a Social Worker?

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 23/07/2014 11:21

Ynbu, you think social most of us think child Snatcher or at the very least judging.

But this isn't the case, I'd say 90 percent are lovely, and your bound to be nervous but it'll be ok

PiperRose · 23/07/2014 11:31

Intake it from your post that her mother does not live with you, but your DSD does?

MagicMojito · 23/07/2014 11:44

Yanbu to be worried, I would be too.
Just try to remember that she is there for the wellbeing of your dsd. It's not about you, your parenting or your housekeeping skills :)

although I would still pull an all night cleaning session and hide any clutter in the cupboard under the stairs Grin

On a serious note. I hope it goes well and your dsd is ok XX

Original poster
ConfusionAndDelay · 23/07/2014 11:52

Piper- we have shared residency so she has a home with us and her mum and stays with each about half and half.

Magic- I'm walking round my house picking up and tidying up thinking what I can do next. It's clean but with 4 children there's usually toys/uniform/odd socks everywhere. I know it's irrational, I know a little normal kids mess is not what she will notice in an otherwise clean house with happy kids but I cannot shake the irrational stress of it all.

No all night cleaning session possible with a teething baby who doesn't sleep much. But I have cleaned the fridge (why do I think she'll be looking in there) tidied the kids rooms and will vacuum downstairs and wash floors in the morning like I do every day anyway. I'm being daft I know :)

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 23/07/2014 11:52

YANBU, anyone would be apprehensive in that situation. Best of luck with it.

MamaLazarou · 23/07/2014 11:54

OP, just remember that the SW will have seen far, FAR messier houses than yours. I doubt if they expect it to be a show home!

ReputableBiscuit · 23/07/2014 11:56

It will be fine. Don't be surprised if the SW asks to use the loo though - they all do that, so they can check the rest of the house beyond the lounge isnt bogging filthy.

NatashaBee · 23/07/2014 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresthelight · 23/07/2014 12:32

Please don' worry too much! The sw is there to look at how you all interact and how dsd behaves - ie does she show any signs of being upset, distressed, scared. I know how hard it is but please try and relax and just be yourself.

We had to have some social services assessments done because of my mental health problems when I was pregnant and like you i was terrified! I had myself convinced my anxiety and depression would mean that they would assume I would get pnd as I had such an incredibly hard time accepting I was pregnant and would be looking to take my dd away from me.

The sw was absolutely lovely and we had a lovely long chat about my health and support networks. They reassured me that their primary goal was to make sure any additional support I needed was provided.

Even before dd was born they had dismiss any need to follow up and closed the file. I know jot everyone has good experiences with social services but generally they are brilliant

VolDEmortIsOnMyLaminateList · 23/07/2014 16:40

I had SS visit me for the first month of dds life. They're not looking for immaculate- lived in is fine! Yanbu to worry, but toys on the floor etc is to be expected in a happy, family home. ??Smile
??

VolDEmortIsOnMyLaminateList · 23/07/2014 16:41

Sorry- pressed my smile button by accident x

MisForMumNotMaid · 23/07/2014 16:54

I've had two visits this year and both social workers were lovely.

First was because my XH, the DC's dad wants to adopt, second was about getting access to inclusive activities for DS1 who is rather isolated due to Autism.

I worried, I tidied and it was all fine.

On the second visit I'd done a quick tidy on the DC's bedrooms but when the social worker came DS1 got a bit distressed so I excused him from the discussion and he went to his room. When the social worker went up to see his room and say goodbye he'd pulled out every box, clothes all over the place, soft toys thrown around. She didn't bat an eyelid.

I hope all your family get support through this new life challenge.

Groovee · 23/07/2014 17:28

Offer a cup of tea, if they accept you know your home is clean x

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/07/2014 18:00

Groovee if they decline it wouldn't mean your house was dirty, it might be that they're hot/just had one/don't drink it/other.

YANBU to worry, but you really don't need to. The level of home conditions that gives rise to child protection concerns is shockingly bad.

Downamongtherednecks · 23/07/2014 18:11

I'm sure your SW will be nice, but I do understand your anxiety. A SW was visiting a friend of mine (pre adoption visit) and told her she had too many books, and that "normal people don't use books instead of emotions". Friend pointed out she and her DH between them had six or seven degrees, including Phds, so they were bound to have a few more books than most people!

Andro · 23/07/2014 18:18

SW visits are always stressful, with the best will in the world it's almost impossible to move past the thought that their judgy pants are handed out at graduation.

Like any other job you get good ones and bad ones, good luck and I hope everything goes as well as possible under the circumstances.

SueDoku · 23/07/2014 19:27

Down Shock 'Too many books' - WTF Hmm
She'd have had a shock if she came to my house - I was a librarian, and love books, so there's a bookcase in every room (except the bathroom Smile). What a bloody stupid remark...!

Downamongtherednecks · 23/07/2014 19:29

Yees. My friend obviously couldn't say "What a bloody stupid thing to say", as the SW had the power to recommend if she could adopt a child.

EyeMyrrhSlapHer · 23/07/2014 19:30

lol Andro @ judgey pants being handed out at graduation !

OP, good luck with the visit and try not to worry.

and for the record I have NEVER used the loo in a clients house !!

SquinkiesRule · 23/07/2014 19:31

We got lots of Social workers coming through our house when we did foster care, my house was definitely not spotless. I made sure to clean the loo and basin and stick a fresh towel out. If it's hot offer a bottle of water or a drink of squash or something cold. I had one who lived near us and she would come by for a cup of tea on her way home for a chat and a cuddle with the baby, we are still friends 12 years later. They can be lovely.

littlewhitebag · 23/07/2014 19:39

Please don't worry. I am that social worker an i visit loads of homes where a child has made allegations of abuse.

Unless your house was really bad she will not really pay any attention to it.

I assume she is coming to explain the process to you? Just try to relax and listen to what she has to say. It is a worrying time but as long as you are there to support your DSD that is what will count.

Darquesse · 23/07/2014 19:47

I would be the same even though we know its irrational.

Try to relax, I hope it all goes as well as can be.

bumpiesonamission · 23/07/2014 19:57

Relax. I am 'that' SW and for the record, I don't drink hot drinks anyway, I have had a glass of water in an old crack den and biscuit I never go to the loo not since I found an gun in one

I look for tidyness in respect of basic hygiene and fire safety, I always comment if I can tell (and unusually can) if the house has been tidyied for my visit, after all, how do all teenagers have spotless rooms?!!

Just be yourself and show your support for dsd (and come and tell us how you were ur to worry!)

pukkabo · 23/07/2014 19:58

I remember reading somewhere that they are concerned when the house is completely spotless that your priorities are all wrong and you focus too much on cleaning rather than on the children. I guess in a way that thinking makes sense, especially when it's young children. The thought would be that you're constantly rushing around cleaning up after them and not actually interacting and doing normal untidy activities with them.

Ftr I'm not saying I agree with above, just something I read/heard. Yanbu though, I used to feel that way when HV would do home visits and within five minutes of her being in the house the DC would have tipped their toy box up so it was utterly pointless. I'm sure SW will have seen some houses in appalling conditions so wouldn't bat an eyelid at normal lived in conditions.

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/07/2014 20:03

Bumpie, my sister aged 17 room is always spotless she hates mess.

Good luck for tomorrow, if it was me the house would be spotless including the garden. I would have a panic attack otherwise.

I think the only time that I let my standards drop for professionals was when the MW came after dd.