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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be put off by friends endless 'selfies'......

33 replies

moominmarvellous · 14/06/2014 18:03

I have a friend who I've known for years, I've always really liked her. We don't see each other very often these days as she moved further away, but we have similar aged DC's so stay in touch via FB. She's asked me to meet up a few times lately and I've found myself putting it off.

I think the trouble is she seems to be incredibly vain. She takes very posed, very frequent selfie type photographs. I'm talking about 4 or 5 a week. Sometimes she films 'pop video' clips of herself miming or dancing to songs. She's a 34 year old housewife, moderately attractive - but even if she looked like Elle MacPherson I'd find it weird.

I have no idea why this bothers me, but for some reason it make her less appealing to me as a friend.

OP posts:

bobberdobber · 14/06/2014 18:09

YANBU

I'm on a social media site where I don't know most of the people I've friended in real life. The odd one or two selfies I don't mind because it's nice to know what they look like but there are some that just post endless, endless pics of themselves. I just think they have very low self esteem as they seem to need everyone telling them how gorgeous they are all the time.

And yes, I do know I can unfriend them if I don't like it. But it just seems to be one of those things that a lot of people do these days.

greyhoundgymnastics · 14/06/2014 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICanHearYou · 14/06/2014 18:13

I've Facebook dumped old friends for this, YANBU

Nanageddon100 · 14/06/2014 18:14

YANBU it's moronic

stripedtortoise · 14/06/2014 18:16

The odd one or two selfies I don't mind. I have friends who do selfies of new hair or whatever and I quite like them.
But I know of one person, whom I defriended actually who did them ALL the time and regularly posted about her 'beauty'. She's attractive but so incredibly dull and vein. It wound me up. She would do daily 'look at me' pictures pouting in all of them and you could tell she got wound up if she didn't have as many 'likes' as she would like.

Then again, it was her Facebook and she was entitled to post what she liked so I appreciate it was me with the issue.

gamerwidow · 14/06/2014 18:24

I think it would be a shame to ditch her if she's good company apart from this. My sister does this and it's annoying and stupid but it stems from insecurity and she's great in ther ways so I don't pass comment.

squoosh · 14/06/2014 18:30

None of my friends do the selfie thing.

A friend of a friend though posts the most hilarious pictures. In the last 5 years she divorced, turned 40, had lots of plastic surgery and now enters beauty pageants for the over forties. Her facebook pictures are a sight to behold!

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 14/06/2014 18:55

I think it does stem from insecurity, I know she had body issues when we were younger. I think it's the neediness which I don't quite understand and don't know how to deal with.

She's also had some cosmetic surgery since Iast saw her, although she hasn't said openly that she's had it, it's obvious. So if I did meet her what's the etiquette here? She obviously wanted to look different so had the procedures, but hasn't said she has so would I mention it?

I can't relate to it all which is why I think I'm dodging the meet up.

OP posts:

Ludoole · 14/06/2014 19:07

I hate it when people post selfies of themselves looking absolute amazing, and then say "I hate this one. I look awful"

rinabean · 15/06/2014 00:23

You haven't "always really liked her". Has she done something to you? How can seeing pictures of your friend be a bad thing? Snide comments about how she doesn't look like a supermodel - even after cosmetic surgery? You HATE her.

In honesty you're the one who sounds most insecure. Your need to put her appearance down is really weird. She's better off without you.

MargotThreadbetter · 15/06/2014 00:41

Wow rina - you sound a bit defensive there!
You're not a selfie fan are you?

LiquidCosh · 15/06/2014 01:06

Selfies should be reserved for under 18's. Anyone over this age posing and pouting then posting it on Facebook fishing for compliments is a twat. Fact.

LiquidCosh · 15/06/2014 01:08

Oh and how come they never look like the real life version of the person! WTF is up with that? It's like a fucking parallel universe of beautiful people.

squoosh · 15/06/2014 01:13

Hazy Instagram filters and elevated camera angles are very kind to faces.

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 15/06/2014 14:03

I've got a friend who does this. She's late 30s too. Poor cow. It just leads to other people taking the piss.
When she goes to the toilet when were out everyone makes jokes about her being in there posing in front of the mirror.

Thumbwitch · 15/06/2014 14:05

YANBU. I have a very dear friend who is currently giving me the hump eversoslightly because she keeps posting pics of food. My notifications are probably 1/5 from her. She makes lovely wholesome food but I don't need to keep seeing it...
But I can't do anything about it so I just put up with it.

PrincessBabyCat · 15/06/2014 14:08

Yeah, if you always liked her a few annoying habits on facebook where you could hide her posts wouldn't put you off from seeing her again. Selfies are annoying, but it's won't ruin friendships in and of itself. I think there's more to it.

It just seems like one of those things that once you dislike someone, everything they do is irritating.

If you don't like her though, that's fine. Friends come and go. People change. Just because you were friends with her before doesn't mean you have to be now.

Trills · 15/06/2014 14:09

Most people who are our friends have at least one annoying habit.

You have to decide if you can put up with this (it's quite easy to stop someone's pictures coming up in your news feed) or whether you think it's indicative of a deep personality flaw that you can't possibly deal with.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/06/2014 14:17

It depends. Does she do 'the pout' on the selfies?

An old school friend of mine takes regular selfies, complete with pout, and labels them "Yummy Mummy" etc. In a way it is nice that she is proud of her looks as she was a bit of an ugly duckling IYSWIM. She was teased at school for being chubby, freckly, having a big nose etc., and has blossomed in to a very attractive woman.

So although I do think "oh no, not another selfie" when I see one - I also think that most people on FB have a lot of old school friends on there and that she is posting the selfies as a way of saying "sod you - who looks better now then?".

Lancashiregal10 · 15/06/2014 20:27

Never got the selfie thing but each to their own I suppose

KayVerinder · 15/06/2014 20:57

I will take your selfie friend in return for my 'look, little Florence spilled her wholemeal organic fairy cereal on the floor in the exact note pattern of the first four bars of Rach 2' Facebook friend.

ocelot41 · 15/06/2014 21:18

Oh god. Ghastly. I only had one friend who sent others selfies and that was because she was so delighted with her face and body gradually changing to match the person she felt she had always been (gender transition). All friends duly did the 'Gosh you look gorgeous' thing because she needed the encouragement and validation.

But otherwise? Christ, no. You should be over that by the time you are 21!

whynowblowwind · 15/06/2014 21:23

It depends what's meant by selfie.

The posed ones in front of mirrors - YANBU.

Ones where you flip the phone or camera screen round - I think YABU, sorry. I've got some great ones of the DCs and I this way! DH is rubbish at picture taking.

PerfectlyPosed · 15/06/2014 21:28

I have a friend that does this but also checks us in wherever we go. We all just use it as a running joke

DownstairsMixUp · 15/06/2014 21:34

I don't think YABU, you could hide her posts? I have a friend like this. She'll post a picture of herself with captions like, "off to work" or "about to destroy mcdonalds" :S totally unrelated to a selfie. I don't mind if people are posting a selfie to show a new hair cut, new make up style whatever, but when it's a few times a week for NO reason it drives me mad. I hid her posts!

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