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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh is being selfish

55 replies

medic78 · 04/06/2014 13:41

So ds who is 10 is in the school play. It is a non spesking part but he is still excited. It is a secondary school style play where you have to buy tickets (probably 1 and a half hours long.). Dh has indicated that he doesn't want to go. He went to the Christmas one and thought it was too long and boring.
Aibu to think he should put himself out for the sake of his sons feelings.

OP posts:
SpringBreaker · 04/06/2014 13:42

I dont remember my dad coming to any of my school plays or pantomimes, my mum came. It didnt bother me at all.

dreamingbohemian · 04/06/2014 13:43

YANBU

If being bored is literally his only excuse, and your DS is really excited about the whole thing, then your husband is being a total jerk really.

FleurdeHeadLys · 04/06/2014 13:43

He's only 10, DH should get over himself.

Contraryish · 04/06/2014 13:46

YABU, school plays belong in the seventh circle of hell. I wouldn't go if my children did not have speaking parts, let alone expect my husband to or pay for the privilege!

Fleta · 04/06/2014 13:46

"Too long and boring" - what is he 6?!

Seriously how long does a play with 10 year olds in take? If it is important to your son for his father to be there, then he should damn well be there unless there is a good reason why he can't (with the caveat that "too long and boring" isn't a decent enough reason!)

runningonwillpower · 04/06/2014 13:48

We have sat through many a long boring show just to see our beloved daughter's 3 minute stint.

It what's you do.

And it's worth it. (Unless you are a selfish child/man.)

Davsmum · 04/06/2014 13:49

I can understand not wanting to go and sit through a boring play...BUT, if your son is excited then I think your DH should put your son's feelings first and show his support. Its one and a half hours of his life...Hardly too much to ask!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 04/06/2014 13:50

Yanbu. Dh is being made redundant, has been there less than six months so we are up the creek and both stressed out. But he is still coming to the dc's school play from 7 till 8.45 tonight to help me wrangle the three year old and because they would be so disappointed if he wasn't there to wave to.

Your dh needs to put his child's needs before his own.

PrincessBabyCat · 04/06/2014 13:52

I agree. School plays and pageants are long and boring. They're just one of those things you cringe through until your kid comes on. I went to a few for my cousins.

The only thing that made those bearable for me was seeing how excited my baby cousins were. Plays just aren't my thing unless they're the fun improv ones that you get drinks at and watch them heckle the crowd.

pictish · 04/06/2014 13:52

I go to them all, and yes, they're long and boring. They are also inaudible and confusing.
Dh is spared because he's at work.

dawndonnaagain · 04/06/2014 13:53

I am 55. I can still remember looking around for my parents on sportsdays, school concerts, school shows. So does my sister. It seemed like the whole world was there apart from our parents.

indigo18 · 04/06/2014 13:55

YANBU. He is a selfish man-child.

SmashleyHop · 04/06/2014 13:59

YANBU- I did theatre all through high school and my family went to each and every one. Even the one where I was only an extra but did the hair and makeup for the rest of the cast.

My dad had a habit of not going to my volleyball games though. He stood by the door of my gym for 5 minutes once. That was it. I was really upset. We make sacrifices for our kids. Even if it's a boring evening.

AllDirections · 04/06/2014 14:00

YANBU It's just something that you have to do as a parent

I always take magazines to read

pictish · 04/06/2014 14:03

You do not take a magazine to read?! Shock Grin
If I saw you across the gym hall reading a magazine, I'd laugh my head off.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/06/2014 14:04

You see I think it's worth a boring evening to see the look on their faces when they see you there. I'm not a soppy mother but oh my goodness that smile of recognition and a surreptitious wave are priceless.

Is your DH's life really so high octane that he cannot countenance the thought of being bored for 1.5 hours. I assumed that most peoples lives were 95% boring! punctuated by short bursts of non-boredom. Or is that just mine?

Longdistance · 04/06/2014 14:05

The only thing boring, is your dh. What a party pooper he is.

Yanbu.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 04/06/2014 14:10

I am 55. I can still remember looking around for my parents on sports days, school concerts, school shows. So does my sister. It seemed like the whole world was there apart from our parents.

This is me too.. I can remember it vividly and the feeling that I wished they would show. My mom promised my sister she would go to one where she won an award and fell asleep on the couch.

We go to everything for our kids.

But I do think that it is fine if one goes only. There are a lot of things DP cant go to due to work so I attend.

Runesigil · 04/06/2014 14:15

Yanbu. Your DH should go, and when he sees the look of delight on DS' face when he sees his Dad is also there, your DH might understand why it's such a big deal and that the question of attendance not at all about himself.

catsmother · 04/06/2014 14:17

In all honesty, the vast majority of school plays and concerts I've been to have been (too) long and boring. Add in the back killing chairs which are often placed too close together, the dusty atmosphere peculiar to school assembly halls which bring on an unstoppable and embarrassing cough, the often dire "refreshments" you're expected to partake in at interval time and the fact you have to pay and I agree it's not my afternoon/evening out of choice. Not at all.

But all of that isn't the bloody point is it ? You put yourself out for a couple of hours if you possibly can so your child feels chuffed that you're there and can literally share their excitement with you because you've seen what they were involved in (speaking part or not) and don't have to hear about it secondhand.

That's what decent parents do - with the obvious provisos of genuinely not being able to get time off work and/or find childcare for younger siblings who aren't allowed to attend. When I've been unable to go to a school play for 100% genuine reasons I've felt awful about it and would always do so if I could.

Despite what I (secretly) feel about the whole shebang I'd never use "boredom" or "can't be bothered" in order not to go. How bloody mean is that ? .... it's only a couple of hours boredom for you but means a whole lot more to your child.

He's being incredibly selfish if that's all that's stopping him.

WaitingForMe · 04/06/2014 14:24

YANBU. I loathe school plays and now get to try and keep DS quiet and calm whilst my step kids and their classmates assault my eardrums.

But then DS goes up to the stage after and they show off their baby brother and are puffed up with pride while we take photos and they know they are loved and supported.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/06/2014 14:27

Whatcatsmother said. Of course it's boring, and probably rubbish too. It's hardly goign to be oscar worthy is it, it's a school play. God knows the west end ones are often rubbish too.

Diddums. He is being a gobshite in my opinion. He probably sits through long boring meetings of 1.5hrs several times a week but gets paid to be there.
Tell DS to tell him he'll "put him in a care home at the first opportunity" if he doesn't show up Grin

KEGirlOnFire · 04/06/2014 14:28

Yep, another one here where my parents never came to anything I did at school. They weren't necessarily working either, especially when it came to evening things. But they just didn't want to.

DD is 4 and we've already attended her Harvest Festival and Xmas Play (DH did the afternoon one and I went to the evening one) and sports day is coming up in July. It's her first one and I have to be there but I have no holiday left, due to covering childcare in the school holidays... Not sure how I can do it yet...

AllDirections · 04/06/2014 14:35

It's not really about watching the play is it? It's about being there for your child. Lots of parenting stuff is boring!

pictish I absolutely do take magazines to read, just for the really, really boring bits Grin

Original poster
medic78 · 04/06/2014 18:25

Thank you replies. Ds seems to accept dh won't be going.
Sadly dh has form for this. He never puts himself out for the boys St Georges day parades etc.
Come to think of it dh also sais last one was poorly organised and they the head dithered over raffle.
At least I will be going with his brother.

OP posts:
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