to ask what is the most trivial reason you have ended a relationship

[BauerTime]

Mine is for referring to the 69 position as 'summer of 69ing' and condoms ss 'rubber johnnies'.

It just made my skin crawl and there was no coming back from that!

Hahaha - I don't think they'd have had him - which is what the entire 'discussion' was about!

Have to say it was a little unnerving listening to the news and thinking 'Ooh, that's who [prick] works for ... oh ...'

Hairy penis.

It was very very hairy.

When I was 14 I started going out with a guy the day before the Christmas holidays. He even gave me a lovely necklace whilst I handed over a toblerone. I decided the fact he was an inch shorter was an issue and didn't see him all Christmas. First day back was awkward... I still feel so mean!

Went out with a guy who, first date kept going on about how I inspired him so much. Creepy. He later gate crashed my girly night out steaming drunk. Spent the night trying to lose him and incidentally met my DP that same night. :D

Thought I'd posted this already but..
1 was hairy, like gorilla hairy. Twice my size and rather enthusiastic during sex. I ended up with carpet burns front and back. He was a genuinely nice guy though and we're still friends.
1 lived with his mum and had a huge canvas print if himself on his bedroom wall. He was 40 and had never lived away from home.
1 had a car the colour of mushy peas and called it the shagmobile.

Can i just say, that ive only ever been dumped once (rather than me doing the dumping) and that was by a guy with a tiny penis. I was DEVASTATED! He was amazing in bed aside from the fact that once he put his willy in it was pretty much over for me. But i think he knew that and made up for it in other ways.

I once met a girl who had also been out with him (when he was much younger) and apparently he said to her in the heat of the moment "i hope you don't mind a small one". Bless.

1st boyfriend

Called his dick Percy
Had only two t shirts which he would alternate
Was quite overweight but would say " it takes a big hammer to drive a big nail"
But the killer was he bought me a box of chocs when he knew I was dieting saying " it's ok , I've already eaten all the ones you like..just to save you from yourself"

He was a thief. If I saw anything and mentioned I liked it, he'd nick it.

Why on earth am I laughing at that expat ?

He asked me to go To Kingdom Hall with him and meet his parents! We'd only been on 2 dates!

Another only ever talked about his dead ex and was stalkerishly weird

And I actually dumped now Dh because he was too nice (went through a self loathing phase). Took us another 3 years to reconnect, probably the best things I've ever done, because I would have definitely ballsed it up at some point first time round!

He liked ballet.

Now don't get me wrong, so do I. I like opera too and most classical music. He didn't like music, wasn't interested in music. He liked ballet because women wore tutus and he could watch their legs.

One of my ex's spoke in a Liverpudlian accent when he was drunk. He is from Hull. He had to go.

It was so shocking at first, Smiles. We were in a department store and I admired a silver bracelet.

We got out into the shopping centre area and he put his arm round me, kissed my cheek and with the other hand pulled the bracelet out of his jeans pocket.

He stole a bottle of JP Gautier Classique after I saw it in a shop window, a teddy out of Clinton's.

He was a klepto.

Date disasters..

1. Turned up in a fluorescent pink shirt and asked me to stop off at KFC. I left him there.
2. Expected me to drive. We went to the cinema, he had 'forgotten' his debit card so I had to foot the bill. Then insisted on doing this weird and annoying knocking thing to my knee for the duration of the film. Would have done a runner but he worked at a club and had put my friends and I on the guest list for the following weekend.
3. Was too smarmy. Wrote both of our numbers on a £20 note and ripped it in half and then sent me 2 bunches of flowers before our second date. Was a shit erratic driver and made me feel car sick. Bit of a shame as my mum had high hopes for us as he was a 'nice jewish boy'.

Relationship disasters..

too many to list but have had a couple with miniscule manhood and another who insisted on wearing a really dodgy mr motivator lycra get up in the evenings.

1. "You have a beautiful vagina"

Ran for the fucking hills! Vagina man also bought a karma sutra when we met. I suspect he might have been a virgin.

And he had ginger pubes like wire wool.

1. Another got really drunk in a club & shouted along to the music, our work colleagues were giving me looks of pity. On the way home he rolled on someone's car bonnet & broke the arial. I woke up early morning & the bed felt wet, woke him & he said oh I've probably pissed myself rolled over & went back to sleep! Grim.

1. And one who told me he liked to poke the handle of his bog brush up his bum & pretend it was another man

1. Because he went to Eton and told me 15 times in 2 hours.

1. Because he bought me an expensive Christmas present in September

1. Because he was shorter than me and I'm a very short person.

I am so shallow!

Christ I've been out with some weirdos.

Bog brush man asked me to wear stockings & suspenders, when I came back from the loo he was wearing them. Believed him when he said it was for a laugh.

He always referred to his man parts as captain nemo, final straw was when he tried it on then looked at me with a stupid childlike kid on sad face and childlike voice.......captain nemo no worky" then told me the next day he loved me everyday for the next week, tried my hardest to let him down gently, he eventually took the hint

Oh and then there was another guy I'd been on a few dates with, he was at mine havin g drinks when my brother randomly popped in, he proceeded to tell my brother he loved a good rim job and a plane boring bj just didn't do it for him and asked him what he thought his chances of me agreeing to it later that night

And then there was the guy who took me to the cinema (1st date) to see a kids film, place was packed with kids, he slides his jacket over my legs and tells me it's so we can "do stuff" drops me off and asks me very sincerely if I'll answer his calls and texts because a lot of people tend to ignore him.....safe to say I was added to the list of people to ignore him, all 20 calls and 50 odd texts lol in 1 day

Oh dear captain Nemo no worky! You couldn't make it up!!

I had to try my hardest not to laugh in his face! I think I could honestly write a book if I was to write all my horror stories ha ha x

(Love this thread)
Everything that you've all posted on this would be a deal breaker for me too!

Chewed with his mouth open. He didn't notice food falling out onto his Twit-like beard. Just Bleergh.

Didn't wait till I had my meal before energetically forking his into his cake hole. Arrogant.

Itemised the bill to the exact penny. Charged me for the taste I had of his Chicken Kiev. Tightwad.

(Three guys)

Married a generous man with lovely table manners.

X post chellebelle, captain nemo!! Jesus, wiping my eyes!

I vote this is moved to classics :)

Just marking place so Ivan finish the thread later :-)