To think expressing regret is often appropriate

[WorkingBling]

I am not from this country so I am not sure if this is a cultural thing but I have noticed that people very seldom express regret or any sympathy in many situations. Eg I was looking for asparagus I a store today and asked a shop assistant. "If it's not on the shelf we don t have it" she said. Perfectly pleasantly and polite but no regret or apologies. In doctors office elderly lady was asking for a follow up appointment. Receptionist was explaining there's nothing available for two weeks. Again, polite, but nothing like a "I'm sorry, we don't have anything." I don't expect apologies in the form of "we screwed up" but where i come from it's considered polite to express regret or sympathy for someone asking you for something you can't deliver.

Is it just me?

No, its not just you. :)

I live in a society where people are very polite, they also soften things when conveying something isn't possible. It can be a real eye opener when it does happen other places I go and Im quite often left thinking - jesus, how rude. But really, were they?

Very much agree - I've lived here 10 years and it still strikes me.

It's just you, why should the shop worker regret not finding you an asparagus, that's silly. Sometimes it's called for but most often not.

It depends where you go. The service in ships varies wildly. The asparagus one sounds like Aldi, where staff are more brusque than in other places. In other supermarkets staff would spend time checking the back store etc and would say "sorry". The doctor's receptionist.... Err they're not known for being apologetic. In some cases maybe they find that saying sorry is an admission of fault and invites people to respond "well that's not good enough!"

And when someone in my local asda says 'sorry' they might as well be saying 'fuck off' anyway.

'No if it's not on the shelf shelf there aren't any. Sorry. '

Really?

I work in a hospital and spend my life apologising for problems that are, for most of the time, beyond my control.

Next time I can't find any mange tout at the supermarket I shall hope to see a single, melancholy tear trickle down the shelf stacker's cheek.

That will offer some comfort to my mange tout-less stirfry.

It's not just you. I am also not british and also unsure if it's cultural but I feel the same way. It feels rude and uncaring to me.

I find that "I'm afraid" covers this issue for me. I hate saying I'm sorry for something I can't do anything about or was not my fault.

Well I am from this country and as long as someone has told me they don't have the item and they'll be likely to get it in by X date, that's all I need to know.

Telling me they're sorry about it, would be as false as someone telling me to 'have a nice day' when they serve me a Big Mac.

Squoosh

Tbh, I am used to Mrs-Doyle-scale sobbing over a slightly defective cup of tea, so it is probably cultural context, yes.

Well I think the problem is that you're expecting a probably minimum wage 0 hour worker to give a fuck about your asparagus, when I can guarantee you they don't.

Squoosh

Definitely cultural then! The two examples I gave I thought the women were perfectly polite. Just weird to my ears.

Not American. South African.

Seriously? You want someone to apologise for a lack of asparagus?

I think we apologise too much.

There is no asparagus. It does not matter.

Aaaah.

South African.

This is funny, as my husband who is not from England says English people apoligise loads.
Someone walks into me, I apoligise etc etc.
Dont go to his Country you would really be shocked

I'm quite surprised by this actually.

I live in the north of France (but am British) and often find people here (in shops, hospitals, etc) vvvv rude.

It was a breath of fresh air to be back in the uk a month ago as I found everyone so nice and friendly!!! My son was hospitalized while there and the staff were just amazing, it was a stark contrast to how we had been treated on a previous hospitalization in France. Same with taking the children for shoe fittings etc, just found everyone lovely! Must be a cultural thing. The french prob don't think they're rude either!

I am from this country, and can assure you it used to be perfectly normal to express regret if something was unavailable or could not be done. 'I'm so sorry, we seem to be out of stock/have nothing till next week' was a normal interaction.

If anything, it was a running national joke that British people apologised too much - 'Sorry, could you pass the salt?'

If I was speaking to you in a customer service environment, I would still consider this normal good manners. Everyone might not share my view though - and notice I use the expression 'used to'.

I agree. I apologise all the fucking time.

Sarinka, not American either. But what a predictable assumption.

To be honest, there are pockets where people are lovely, recognise they're representing a shop that doesn't have what you'd hoped for (or whatever) and say what I would have said when I worked in customer service: 'I'm sorry, we don't have that one in stock, I can check at x branch/you could try Other Shop/whatever'.

But much, much more of the other reaction than in other countries.

I am surprised, i certainly don't think that is very representative of British culture. Traditionally, we apologise for things that aren't our fault.

However, maybe that is changing.