Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this guy?

33 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/05/2014 20:19

So, I've started seeing this guy. We've known each other ages, from school originally, we got back in touch and have started a casual 'thing'.

A few times he's ditched me when we've made plans. It's actually 3 times now.

We'll make plans and then he'll go off with his friends. Is it reasonable to expect that when you make plans with someone you should honour them unless there's a genuine reason why you can't.

My mum says that IABU because we're not together (my choice) but I'm of the opinion it doesn't matter. If you commit your time to someone then you should follow through and not just cancel when something better comes up.

I need perspective as I don't know if IABU.

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 11/05/2014 20:21

It doesn't sound like you're suited to a FWB scenario.

Original poster
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/05/2014 20:27

It's not really FWB.

We're not together but we're not sleeping with other people and we spend quite a bit of time together, dates etc.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 11/05/2014 20:27

He's just not that into you.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 11/05/2014 20:29

"It's not really FWB."

But you are.

He's in it for convenience when he has nothing better on. And yes, he's probably sleeping with other people.

expatinscotland · 11/05/2014 20:32

What a waste of time! I wasted so much time on guys like this. Just don't. Stop fucking him or contacting him at all. He's not into you.

Pimpf · 11/05/2014 20:33

What bobby says. Sorry

YouTheCat · 11/05/2014 20:34

Do you see this going anywhere at all?

grocklebox · 11/05/2014 20:36

Youre not together but you are exclusively dating. Thst is together! But if you keep on telling him youre not together its not surprising if he treats you very casually. You cant have it both ways.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 11/05/2014 20:38

"What a waste of time! I wasted so much time on guys like this. Just don't. Stop fucking him or contacting him at all. He's not into you."

^this with bells on!!
What's in this for you OP? I mean, what's in this that you cant get in a properly, publicly official and committed relationship without the let downs?

x2boys · 11/05/2014 20:40

I agree with others he is not that into you if he was he would nt be cancelling dates when I was single I met lots of men like this if he cared he would not be cancelling dates if you just want sex and are happy with this fine if you want more back away now!!

ilovesooty · 11/05/2014 20:41

Is it reasonable to expect that when you make plans with someone you should honour them unless there's a genuine reason why you can't

I think that's a reasonable expectation of any friendship. The fact that he's a guy you're seeing makes no difference.

SarcyMare · 11/05/2014 20:44

It doesn't really matter how much he is in to you, he is rude. You don't blow people off when a better offer come along, you believe this so just. Rude guy.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/05/2014 20:44

OP, you seem to be giving mixed messages.

Either you want a commitment or you don't.

ilovesooty · 11/05/2014 20:45

But if you keep on telling him youre not together its not surprising if he treats you very casually

Why does that excuse him from basic manners?

Andrewofgg · 11/05/2014 20:45

Junk him.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 11/05/2014 20:46

I wouldn't accept a friend of either gender cancelling on me once we'd made arrangements, never mind someone I was casually dating/shagging/whatever you call it. It's just bloody rude.

He's not bothered unless he has nothing better to do. You decide whether this is good enough for you or not but don't expect anything different from him as you're not going to get it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2014 20:48

He's rude, stop shagging him.

CoffeeTea103 · 11/05/2014 20:49

Why do you keep going back for more. As long as you keep accepting his rude ways, he will keep doing this to you.

BoneyBackJefferson · 11/05/2014 20:50

Thinking on this some more, what plans are you making and how are you phrasing them?

DarkHeart · 11/05/2014 20:52

He is just not that into you.

EBearhug · 11/05/2014 20:53

Is it reasonable to expect that when you make plans with someone you should honour them unless there's a genuine reason why you can't.

Yep. It makes no difference whether it's someone you're sleeping with, the old lady down the road or your best mate. You've made plans, you shouldn't let someone down, whatever sort of relationship it is.

I made plans to meet a bloke from work. I gave him benefit of the doubt the first time he cancelled. He did it again. He's not getting a third chance.

HecatePropylaea · 11/05/2014 21:18

I think it's pig ignorant for anyone to make plans with someone and then blow them off any time they get a better offer.

I don't think it matters who the person is or the nature of your relationship with them. It's just plain bad manners.

If 'casual thing' means that you can be treated like plan B, then sod that. Casual means no plans for a deep and meaningful relationship, not please don't bother with common courtesy.

Up to you of course, but I'd be ending the arrangement. There's casual and there's taking the piss.

Original poster
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/05/2014 21:23

Okay, thanks for everyone's replies.

Let me just clarify. I know he would love to be with me, it's me that doesn't want to be in an official relationship. (Recently came out of a long term relationship).

We both know where we stand with what we've got between us.

It's just this that really pisses me off. It would piss me off even if we weren't sleeping together. A PP knocked it on the head when they said it was rude. That's it exactly.

I rarely cancel plans and it just grates on my nerves when other people do it. Admittedly this is really the first time I've encountered someone who will cancel plans last minute and it's throwing me.

Shall I explain or just stop sleeping with him? We'll still see each other as we have mutual friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 11/05/2014 21:24

Hectate - that's exactly it! I won't be anyone's plan B!

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 11/05/2014 21:30

yeah what hecate says.