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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think she had no right to look so outraged....

61 replies

macdoodle · 09/05/2014 16:28

Busy making dinner, doing washing, listening to reading etc, when doorbell goes.
Open it to find a nice young lady, who says "hello nothing to worry about, I'm from XXX, a charity for deaf children, and...",
At which stage I cut her off and say (politely), "no thank you, I'm not interested in donating, I'm busy", and close the door.
The look of outrage and shock on her face was akin to if I'd bitten the head off a baby rabbit and eaten it in front of her.
I actually felt a bit guilty.
Bit jeez, surely if you doorstop people just before teatime on a Friday afternoon, most of them will not engage. And yes it may be a worthy cause but I donate to the charities I want to when I want to.

OP posts:

PrincessBabyCat · 09/05/2014 16:31

Well, in fairness you did abruptly cut her off.

It's not exactly fun being a door to door person. My husband was for a bit, and he got the door slammed in his face a few times.

PatrickStarisabadbellend · 09/05/2014 16:31

Do my nan does and give them the fingers through the window.

Original poster

macdoodle · 09/05/2014 16:33

Should I have wasted 10minutes of her and my time, listening to her shpiel when I had no intention of donating, while my dinner burned

OP posts:

LtEveDallas · 09/05/2014 16:34

I tend to stop them and say "I don't donate to doorsteppers or chuggers, sorry" and get really annoyed when they start to say "oh but we are different" "don't you care about" "all your neighbours" and so on.

I finish with "I have ALREADY said NO" and shut the door.

Canus · 09/05/2014 16:34

Ooh, maybe she wasn't looking for donations, but was about to inform you that your street was being closed to traffic tomorrow so they could hold a fundraising street party!

Or maybe thay are opening offices nearby and wanted to invite the locals round.

Or maybe she was after your money, but now you'll always wonder..

EyelinerQueen · 09/05/2014 16:35

YANBU. I do the same.

If you don't cut them off they waffle on for 15 minutes and get the same result anyway. Surely it's kinder to cut them off and allow them to save their spiel for the next house.

I think it's completely unreasonable and rude of them to come knocking on people's doors at teatime.

I also despise the faux matey tone they take to try and catch you off guard and guilt you into signing up. Eurgh.

PoundingTheStreets · 09/05/2014 16:36

If you said it politely then you've done nothing wrong.

I don't like rudeness but rudeness is not the same thing as not engaging.

If you cold call people - either on the telephone or at the door - coming up against people who are not interested and who politely tell you so should be considered a part of the job.

Original poster

macdoodle · 09/05/2014 16:39

I was polite but abrupt. Am quite sure she wanted my money....

OP posts:

felinesad · 09/05/2014 16:40

In all honesty I hate doorstep sales people ( which is whta they are after all). I do have a sign saying 'no salepersons etc.' but the charity ones seem to think they're exempt.

However I did once donate about a fiver a month to the chartity for deaf children but then got constantly phone calls basically saying that £5 wasn't much and could I donate more. Really, really annoyed about it so cancelled my DD.

sisterofmercy · 09/05/2014 16:43

I usually say I only donate through the internet (which is true although I am equally amenable to chucking money into collecting tins) when someone rings me, doorsteps or chugs then I politely take my leave. That way they can't do the 'you don't care'. They don't even know if I'm not donating to their own charity.

PoundingTheStreets · 09/05/2014 16:44

I know a few people who have done very similarly. I understand charities doing everything they can to raise more money, but this seems rather counterintuitive.

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/05/2014 16:47

Happened to me last night with two chaps from a breast cancer charity. I met them outside my Dad's and told them not to knock as he is housebound and cannot get to the door. They tried to engage me but I told them that I only lived down the road and they would no doubt be calling on me. So when they turned up and I politely declined to part with any money he berated me for dragging him all the way down the road for nothing! Cheeky git.

FraidyCat · 09/05/2014 16:51

Anyone who commandeers my time by cold-calling me or knocking on the door uninvited has already been ruder than I am when I hang up the phone or close the door in their face.

BrianButterfield · 09/05/2014 16:52

I don't let them waffle. Waste of both of our tines. I assume they get paid per person they sign up, and I already know I won't, so why let them waste energy on me when they could be somewhere else making money?

squizita · 09/05/2014 16:53

I used to flatshare with a chugger and know what they are and aren't supposed to do. No:
-asking a second time/following
-gesturing towards people
-guilt tripping
-suggesting you're trying to avoid/lie if you say no thanks.

I used to remind them of the rules when they broke them, it just annoyed me so much.
The training they go on is a bit brainwashy IMO. Having worked for charities, then heard what the chuggers had done on their orientation day, it was like they'd been initiated to believe anyone who didn't donate was a failure on their part, hurting ikkle children. Really bad.

Not to mention the owner of one of the biggest chugger companies is a legendary nasty character who gives precisely not one f**k about charities unless they pay their (inflated) fee to her late.

squizita · 09/05/2014 16:54

BTW the training was from their company, in contrast to the actual charity. It really sounded cult-ish. Like "if you don't make that 'sale', a baby will die..."

RachelWatts · 09/05/2014 16:57

They often call at mealtimes here. One of them shouted at me for being irresponsible when I told him I couldn't talk as I'd left DS2 strapped into the high chair while I answered the door. I'd taken his food off him before I left him!

Amy106 · 09/05/2014 16:58

Get a No Soliciting sign for your door. If they still knock on your door, you can point to your sign, say "I guess you didn't see my sign" and close the door. End of discussion. And no guilt.

imnottoofussed · 09/05/2014 17:01

I normally wouldn't answer the door to them but I was caught unawares once and answered to a charity door knocker.

I was too polite to stop him so after five minutes telling me about the charity I then had to say no sorry not interested, he then asked me why as it was only a small amount of money, I felt pretty embarrassed to be honest and stuttered that I needed the money because of my own financial situation - really they shouldn't feel that it is ok to put people in this position.

If I can afford to give to charity I will but if I can't then I shouldn't be made to feel bad.

PaulinesPen · 09/05/2014 17:03

I was going to suggest a door sticker too. There are loads on Ebay.

imnottoofussed · 09/05/2014 17:04

oh and they also knock on the old ladies door who lives opposite despite her having a sign in the window, thankfully the guy next door seems to have an internal radar so he intercepts them before they can swindle any money out of her. Shes over 90 so really shouldn't have the hassle of doorstep sales, this includes the loft and cavity wall insulation, double glazed windows, charities, garden maintenance and god knows who else knocks on.

wigglesrock · 09/05/2014 17:35

I stop them as soon as they start & well let them try any of their shite about not caring with me. Last year I had a doorstep caller call & inform me that as I had said I wasn't going to pass my bank details to her I obviously had no experience with the cause she was raising money for. Unfortunately I had , and I left her in no doubt about my anger when I reported her to her employer & to the charity.

I also had some eejit trying to sell me a burglar alarm, who went I declined told me that as I wasn't going to invite him (a complete stranger) into my home & again pass over my bank details I obviously didn't care about my safety or that of my family. The irony sort of passed him by.

WooWooOwl · 09/05/2014 17:41

YANBU.

I had one from st Mungos round last week, he pulled a face that would make you think I'd spat in his newborns face.

I have added them to my list of charities I will not donate to ever.

Aspiringhuman · 09/05/2014 17:48

They drive me mad, hate the way that x suffering from y becomes your own personal fault. Like you're to blame for all the bad in the world. I've enough guilt in my life without having to listen to that on my own doorstep.

Nandocushion · 09/05/2014 18:11

Do my nan does and give them the fingers through the window.

PatrickStar, your nan is my new hero.

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