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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she had no right to look so outraged....

61 replies

macdoodle · 09/05/2014 16:28

Busy making dinner, doing washing, listening to reading etc, when doorbell goes.
Open it to find a nice young lady, who says "hello nothing to worry about, I'm from XXX, a charity for deaf children, and...",
At which stage I cut her off and say (politely), "no thank you, I'm not interested in donating, I'm busy", and close the door.
The look of outrage and shock on her face was akin to if I'd bitten the head off a baby rabbit and eaten it in front of her.
I actually felt a bit guilty.
Bit jeez, surely if you doorstop people just before teatime on a Friday afternoon, most of them will not engage. And yes it may be a worthy cause but I donate to the charities I want to when I want to.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 09/05/2014 18:56

YANBU. I don't even answer as politely as you did!

sothathatswhenI · 09/05/2014 19:33

Cold-calling is not acceptable for any reason, charity or otherwise IMO - it is actually banned in many areas. It's (sadly) one of those tactics that thieves can use to dupe vulnerable people into handing over cash or seizing up properties for break-ins, so the less of it the better.
I'm not suggesting all cold callers are thieves but I don't agree that knocking on doors when folk are trying to get their tea ready or whatever IS rude in itself.
In our house we just say "Can I stop you there - we don't deal with doorstep callers, but thanks anyway."

MintyCoolMojito · 09/05/2014 19:45

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GoblinLittleOwl · 10/05/2014 12:16

I go out collecting for charity and also do some local canvassing, and I am always amazed at how polite nearly everyone is to me when they realise I am not the postman/their best friend. I can't actually recall anyone being rude; some people don't open their door but that is their choice.

Nennypops · 10/05/2014 12:27

I had one of those people trying to sell massively overpriced teatowels etc allegedly in aid of some charity. I was silly enough not to say just "No thanks" but something along the lines that I didn't need any - which was perfectly true. He went off in a massive strop about how I must be lying and how I shouldn't lie and it was disrespectful to him. So I told him he was being much more disrespectful to me and that if I'd been tempted to buy anything else from him there was now no chance whatsoever.

PersonOfInterest · 10/05/2014 12:30

You were polite and avoided wasting your time and hers.

Don't know what there is to be outraged about.

MrsDeVere · 10/05/2014 12:38

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Shonajay · 10/05/2014 13:08

I'm sure they're trained to do that face. I've got a sign, someone rang my bell and said I saw your sign, but...I said I'm sorry, that's why we have a sign,closed door.

TerraNotSoFirma2 · 10/05/2014 13:18

YANBU at all.
I actually called Marie curie to complain about one of their representatives repeatedly ringing my doorbell at the back of eight one night, woke the babies up and I told him he shouldn't be bothering people at this time of night and that I didn't have any money to donate anyway.

He told me he hoped I would need them (marie curie) one day! The bastard.

rookiemater · 10/05/2014 13:21

YANBU.

If people turn up on your doorstep uninvited then they should not be surprised if they get turned away, ditto phone calls.

Having said that I am polite if people turn up and say "No thank you" as soon as I can. I would put up a sign telling people not to ring our doorbell, but our neighbour does Avon and I don't want her to think she isn't welcome to put that through the door.

VitoCorleone · 10/05/2014 13:22

I ignore the door when they come

But if they do catch me i usually just lie and say i already donate to whatever charity it is

Chrysanthemum5 · 10/05/2014 13:31

I just politely tell them the truth - that I already donate to the charities I chose to support and I won't be changing that.

To be fair I don't get many doorstep callers, it's the chuggers who line the streets around my work that annoy me. I hate it when they deliberatèly step in front of me to get me to stop. I've complained to the charity concerned. I know they need to raise funds but the chuggers annoy me so much I'd never donate to them. Plus I'm not going to just hand over my bank details in the street I cant believe people do that.

OneWaySystemBlues · 10/05/2014 13:41

I don't care about saying no or cutting people off in the middle of their spiel if they come to my door - that's if I bother to answer. I didn't ask them to knock or invite them to my house. If I had invited them, I'd listen to them. I am always polite and say no quickly because I don't want to waste their time, but they have no care about wasting my time because they always seem to come at times when I'm cooking or really busy. People who knock on doors to drum up business should not be offended when people say no! I really object to strangers knocking on my door asking me to buy stuff - I think it should be banned - and I refuse to buy or sign up to any business or charity who knocks on my door.

wonkylegs · 10/05/2014 13:43

Sounds like your response was fine.
I open the door and before they get a chance to open their mouth say ' before you get started / can I stop you and just say (if they are quicker than me) I'll tell you now I don't give any details or money at the door, thank you goodbye (& then close the door)
I had one cheeky feeker try to guilt trip me by telling me how generous my neighbours had just been - that was interesting as I was looking after their house whilst they were in Spain!

MissHobart · 10/05/2014 13:59

YANBU - when I see who it is I just say no and shut the door, it's your house, your time!

FryOneFatManic · 10/05/2014 14:28

I had one street chugger recently who seemed to decide that as I was slowly pushing mum in the wheelchair that I was his next target. He started on his spiel and I just stared at home and politely said "Please don't waste your time." He went on "don't you care about children?" I just said "I choose my charities carefully", and carried on walking.

What really got my goat was that mum is in the wheel chair (sniggering by this time) and not once did he make any attempt to treat mum as human. No eye contact, nothing said to her (he'd obviously decided she was no good as a target). It was like mum didn't even exist for him. You'd think that I'd refused he might have a chance with mum, but no, nothing, he just blanked her. Not nice to see.

sarinka · 10/05/2014 14:36

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Perfectlypurple · 10/05/2014 14:41

You can get no cold caller signs from your local police station.

I still get people at my door and they say it's ok as they are not selling anything. The sign says no cold caller not no sellers.

PinkParsnips · 10/05/2014 14:45

YANBU they tend to have a habit of knocking here just before their allowed finish time of 9pm which I think is far too late. Last time I politely stopped one young girl before she got started and said I'm sorry it's far too late I'm in the middle of trying to settle my young baby to sleep to which she replied curtly "well I can talk quietly!!" ...err no thanks!

FryOneFatManic · 10/05/2014 14:45

sarinka What made it worse, is that the chap would have clearly seen that mum and I were laughing and joking about something as we walked towards him. I know I didn't want to engage with the chap, co I didn't intend to sign up, but the way he just blanked mum was awful. It's hard to really convey it here, and it was so short a convo, but I could have been pushing a trolley if you'd seen his lack of reaction to mum. Sad

sarinka · 10/05/2014 15:06

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KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 10/05/2014 15:08

I tell then all the same thing:

That I won't be giving another penny to charity until they all calm the fuck down.

Adverts, chuggers, a bag through my door every day, random people knocking, leaflets through the door... NO!!

No more. When they go back to the old system of friendly grannies holding buckets outside supermarkets I will donate again. But not until this mad ambushing people while they're cooking/shopping/trying to have a wee stops.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 10/05/2014 15:12

I know I didn't want to engage with the chap, co I didn't intend to sign up, but the way he just blanked mum was awful. It's hard to really convey it here, and it was so short a convo, but I could have been pushing a trolley if you'd seen his lack of reaction to mum.

That's sadly very common. I'm a care assistant and when I've taken a resident shopping the staff just talk to me. Even when the resident is clearly holding the goods and has her purse ready they talk to me and even try to hand me the change.

Also happened when I went to Carphone Warehouse with my dad (75). I was only there because we were hanging out, I hadn't 'taken him shopping' or anything. I buggered off to the next shop in the end pretty much forcing them to speak to their customer rather than the customer's daughter who was only there as company.

MexicanSpringtime · 10/05/2014 15:15

Surely deaf and other special needs children shouldn't be depending on charity?

I suppose I'm just a damn commie.

Itsfab · 10/05/2014 16:06

I hate it when people at the door say "nothing to worry about." I am sure it is a new thing they have been told to say but it gets my back up as I find it patronising.

A window company employee was not happy last week when I said no thank you, I already have some.

Some door to door workers get really pissed off when you say no. I am going to get a sign for the door as I never have and never will buy at the door.