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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that uber-popular women are usually extremely beautiful too?

53 replies

ParkingBad · 24/04/2014 22:11

I know two acquaintances, both of whom I would describe as supermodel-like, and they are probably the two most popular women that I have ever known.

They are both nice enough as far as I know. By popular I mean literally hundreds and hundreds of friends, and everyone clamouring to spend time with them. One of them recently had a baby shower and over 120 people turned up. It's a whole different league of popular.

The one with the huge baby shower has also married a very rich man now, and I think that this has made her even more popular, as she has such beautiful clothes/house/things now.

AIBU to think that in general, very very popular women are usually beautiful too? AIBU also to think that if they looked like bedraggled old bag ladies, living in a tiny dirty flat and wearing old jeans and a t-shirt all the time, that they wouldn't be as popular as they are now, regardless of how nice they are?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 24/04/2014 22:15

I don't think i know anyone popular enough to have 120 people to a baby shower. Think of the gifts. Shock

EatShitDerek · 24/04/2014 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ParkingBad · 24/04/2014 22:16

She did a whole Facebook album about the gifts! I think she must have got enough designer clothes to last the baby until it turns 16!

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 24/04/2014 22:17

my auntie was the most popular person i ever met
At her funeral, there were hundreds outside church, no room inside
She was morbidly obese, scruffy and her house dirty (she was always too busy having fun or socialising to worry about a bit of dirt)
She also had the biggest heart ever, lived life to the full and by her rules, and always took in waifs and strays
Her job was a specialist one, and helped hundreds of children over the years
She's probably exception to the rule i.e. looks not matching uber popularity . Sadly.. as it shouldn't be that way
but she's my inspiration and i try and live life more like she did since she passed

NannyLouise29 · 24/04/2014 22:17

Doesn't it say something about the types of people who want to be their friend? It's not real friendship is it? Just shallow hangers on.

alltoomuchrightnow · 24/04/2014 22:18

she was a larger than life in every way, woman who attracted people . a rare gift perhaps

alltoomuchrightnow · 24/04/2014 22:19

sounds a bit boastful..and baby doesn't give a crap about designer clothes that he or she is going to puke up on!

DaffodilsandTruffles · 24/04/2014 22:20

Actually I disagree- I went to uni with an extremely popular girl - everyone knew her and liked her.
She was a lovely girl but not model pretty.

The most popular girls at school were certainly pretty but not the best looking in the year.

webwiz · 24/04/2014 22:21

I have two friend who are very popular - neither are beautiful (sorry friends!)

Original poster
ParkingBad · 24/04/2014 22:23

I think it's definitely a 'hanger on' type of popular, but still popular none the less. I wonder if it's a case of people wanting to be beautiful by association?

The lady who had the baby shower posts photos on Facebook and will often get 300+ likes.

OP posts:
Lookingforfocus · 24/04/2014 22:23

I think most people are only capable of having a handful of truly close meaningful friends. I might know people who could draw a big crowd but that seems to be "popular" in an American sense - pure numbers who recognize and want to be around you. Wether this individual can really be close friends with all these women would be highly unlikely. It's not something that attracts me or I want to be part of. I prefer close intimate friendships, plenty of people have lots of acquaintances - which cannot have the same level of intimacy because it takes time and effort to build those deep bonds.

One of my expat friends was moving home and although she was only here two years 40+ women came to the farewell brunch I threw for her. She is a wonderful person, attractive and a great personality (not conventionally beautiful) lots of fun, kind and loyal. She is great at making friend's and keeping them.

OriginofSymmetry · 24/04/2014 22:23

NannyLouise has got it - shallow hangers on most of them probably. And people who court that sort of popularity are often fairly shallow themselves.

Flux700 · 24/04/2014 22:24

Totally disagree op. I don't think looks come into the equation - fro what I've seen anyway

Ruushii · 24/04/2014 22:25

Hanger on popular isn't the same as being liked though.

I'm neither

aquashiv · 24/04/2014 22:25

Nope not my world.
Is she on The Real Housewives of baloneysville?

IndiansInTheLobby · 24/04/2014 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiniatureRailway · 24/04/2014 22:26

I find it to be the other way around. The most popular people I know don't really care about appearances and the attractive ones get jealousy and competition rather than real friendships. My aunt is a prime example.

CaptChaos · 24/04/2014 22:27

My friend died recently. Sounds a bit like alltoomuchrightnow's friend. Large, not terribly pretty, a bit scruffy, not well off. Her funeral was also packed. The wake afterwards was heaving, and full of laughter.

She was funny, kind, thoughtful. She worked with the disadvantaged in her spare time, she was the department's morale, even when things were difficult, she always had something positive to say.

I would rather be like her than super model pretty, if I'm honest. It's not how many people who come to your baby shower, it's how many people are at your funeral that counts, maybe?

kennyp · 24/04/2014 22:31

i went to a funeral recently and the woman was in her 60s and the crematorium was heaving with her friends etc. she dressed like a man and acted like a man and was the nicest woman in the world. absolutely adored by everyone. and so far removed from kate upton et al. you wouldn't believe.

mimishimmi · 25/04/2014 00:32

Possibly. I know one woman like you describe - she looks like a supermodel. She's also a very nice person though (possibly overcompensating because people initially assume she will be otherwise) so I'm not sure whether it's because she's still drop dead gorgeous at 40+ (from what I've seen of her photos when she was young she's got even better looking as she's aged - less ingenue, more sophisticated Envy ) or because she genuinely has a good personality.

HolgerDanske · 25/04/2014 08:07

alltoomuch your auntie sounds wonderful.

puntasticusername · 25/04/2014 08:18

It's a biological thing - we're naturally attracted to people we consider to be more better-looking, as good looks can be a good indicator of health and fertility etc etc.

So more attractive people get more opportunity to impress others with the force of their personality, because they have already been attracted by the looks.

KikitheKitKat · 25/04/2014 08:27

Maybe some people feel a kind of reflected glory in being seen with the most beautiful, well-dressed, successful 'friend', but as others have said, these are hangers on rather than real friends.

WooWooOwl · 25/04/2014 08:27

I think people are attracted to people they find to be good looking, but I think even, attractive facial features with no undesirable features matter more than things like designer clothes, hairstyle, nice make up and such like.

But only if they have a nice personality to go with their good looks.

I have known it to work the other way too, where very beautiful and perfectly nice women have found that other women don't like them, probably as a result of their own insecurities. And I know two stunningly beautiful women who present themselves well who have completely lost their beauty to me because they are horrible, selfish people. It shows on their faces that aren't very nice, and it really does make a difference to how they look.

elQuintoConyo · 25/04/2014 08:36

I'm a stunner. I have 500+ FB friends and 150 to my babyshower. So, yes, I'd agree with that.

Plus, everyone I know wants to either be my friend or be me. It's great Grin

Seriously, though, I have a close-knit group of 8 friends, 1 best friend. I have about 20 aquaintances I could enjoy a big night out with. I find that is enough and I wouldn't like 'hangers on', no matter what designer baby gifts I could get.

(Oh, and I make warthogs run away screaming for brain bleach Grin )