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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that uber-popular women are usually extremely beautiful too?

53 replies

ParkingBad · 24/04/2014 22:11

I know two acquaintances, both of whom I would describe as supermodel-like, and they are probably the two most popular women that I have ever known.

They are both nice enough as far as I know. By popular I mean literally hundreds and hundreds of friends, and everyone clamouring to spend time with them. One of them recently had a baby shower and over 120 people turned up. It's a whole different league of popular.

The one with the huge baby shower has also married a very rich man now, and I think that this has made her even more popular, as she has such beautiful clothes/house/things now.

AIBU to think that in general, very very popular women are usually beautiful too? AIBU also to think that if they looked like bedraggled old bag ladies, living in a tiny dirty flat and wearing old jeans and a t-shirt all the time, that they wouldn't be as popular as they are now, regardless of how nice they are?

OP posts:

sarinka · 25/04/2014 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MRSjayy · 25/04/2014 09:03

I think there is popularity like the posters lovely aunt and then there is the superficial need to be seen with popularity I am not saying this beautiful woman is superficial but you do get that don't you the status type friendships, I let my inner beauty shine through i am a munter but people seem to like me though i wouldn't have loads of people come to a baby shower nobody has 120 friends really

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 25/04/2014 09:17

Well I'm dead popular me and I've got a face like a bag of spanners

Bemused33 · 25/04/2014 09:19

Nah it's all down to personality and being a nice person. I think the woman you describe has a lot of fans. I follow a few people from school who I just find utterly fascinating due to their lifestyle. Loads of likes and comments but I doubt try have anymore real friends than I do.

Bonsoir · 25/04/2014 09:20

My most popular friends are attractive because they make the most of themselves in every way, not because they look like supermodels.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 25/04/2014 09:21

The only person I know who is this popular looks quite

harriet247 · 25/04/2014 09:33

Its a hard one. I think attractive people do have alot of followers, same way like a celebrity would. I know a girl who is facebook famous. By whifh I mean 1000+ likes, 100 comments for one single photo, she is gorgeous, insightful, kind, fashionable etc according to facebook but actually she is just very normal and hangs out with a small group but shw seems on the surface to have thousands of friends clamouring for attention.
I think its all about charisma with her.

Yy to whoever said that its all about how many come to your funeral!

Tweasels · 25/04/2014 09:37

I think certain people are happy to surround themselves with many, many acquaintances but that doesn't necessarily mean they have lots of true friends.

I think maybe people believe if they hang around with beautiful, rich people some of it will rub off on them.

My SIL is very popular (and pretty too) and there were well over 100 people at her 40th birthday party but loads of those people were friends of that time who she never sees now. She picks up friends, becomes really close with them but within a year she's moved onto someone else. They're going on holiday this year with 2 couples they didn't even know this time last year and probably won't this time next year. MIL said she got like this from living in London (we're northern)

I actually don't think popularity should be measured in numbers. I'd rather have 2 people really like me for who I am than 100 people like me because I wear designer clothes.

Of course the people you're referring too might just be really amazing people but I know loads of truly lovely, amazing people who are beautiful inside and out who don't command this sort of attention. It's driven by the person.

MRSjayy · 25/04/2014 09:40

it all seems a bit school playground doesn't it surrounding yourself with friends because you are in THE crowd

TeamEdward · 25/04/2014 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babewiththepower · 25/04/2014 09:54

The most popular girls in my school weren't the prettiest. But they were the easiest bloomers. So they had highlighted hair, wore the most fashionable shoes, went out to pubs (at 15!) and were allowed to wear make up.

One of the most stunning girls in my class was actually not like the above and was a lovely girl, with a friendship group of only 3.

I think people do gravitate towards someone who has something they aspire to, but what shallow hangers on they must be!

MRSjayy · 25/04/2014 10:03

babe i agree with you a lot of true friendships are born not made

DeWee · 25/04/2014 10:27

I don't think so really.

I think those who like to be what is referred to on here as "alpha mums" are often rather over made up (who really likes the orange look with two black eyes?) or are rather over-loud because they want to be the centre of any group. But I wouldn't think of them as being particularly beautiful.

I suspect anyone who is "popular" as in the Op probably has very few if any really friends. Because they are "popular" because of material things and because people want to be in the "in crowd". Something goes wrong and those people will not be there for them-in fact they'll probably help bring them down with gleeful gossip.

Me otoh, I look dreadful most of the time and have a small circle of friends, all of whom I know if things go wrong they would do anything to help, even if it inconvenienced them.

BeyondRepair · 25/04/2014 10:30

I agree.

I know women like this too. People value beauty very highly in our society and as such great rewards are given to those with the good fortune to be born with looks.

Myself as someone who is shy but who used to be prettier than now, I have noticed a difference in how people respond to me...people made more of an effort with me before than now....its harder now....

Latara · 25/04/2014 11:40

The most popular girls at school weren't the prettiest; they were the most confident.

The most popular women I know on Facebook again aren't the prettiest, they just seem to be the ones with updates about children and husbands (ie not me).

Original poster

ParkingBad · 25/04/2014 11:49

I agree with whoever said that they are probably fans rather than friends. They certainly seem/act like fans towards the woman who had the baby shower.

As an example, she posted some photos on Facebook on Valentines Day of a handbag her DH bought her. It was beautiful and very expensive. She must have got over 100 comments from people saying things like she deserved to be spoilt.

I can understand a close friend saying something like that, but over 100 people?!!

OP posts:

curiousuze · 25/04/2014 11:49

This is all a wee bit mean, is it not? No one knows why these women's friends are their friends. The OP says they are acquaintances so she doesn't really know them - they might be utterly lovely.

The most popular people I know make tonnes of effort keeping up with friends, and are really active socially. They get out what they put in unlike me who is a lazy antisocial bugger

rowna · 25/04/2014 12:20

I think there is some truth in it. I think some are a bit suspicious of the bedraggled ones of us and possibly make assumptions about our lifestyle. I've definitely noticed that more people talk to me in the playground if I look a bit tidier.

I'd agree with the poster above though, the most popular people I'm aware of are not particularly stunning to look at but they organise events for others to attend. If you've been doing something with a group of people for example, e.g. clearing the snow off the playground, she'll invite you all back for a coffee afterwards.

I never would because we'd invariably have pants on the bathroom floor, Rice Krispies all over the lounge and my dh might be wearing his mustard painting cardigan.

Summerbreezing · 25/04/2014 12:44

I think at school beautiful girls attract more friends. But as people grow up most of them learn to value people for their personality and are drawn to people who are kind, funny, interesting or who they have a lot in common with.
But you will always find shallow, vapid people who only want to hang around with good looking, well dressed, successful people. They're not friends though; just people with no real personality who try to gain a bit of reflected glory through their social circles.

bragmatic · 25/04/2014 13:09

I think being beautiful is a great bonus if you are nice also, and it probably helps to make friends.

But don't you only invite reasonably close friends to a baby shower? No one has 120 close friends. They couldn't' possibly. Could they?

Original poster

ParkingBad · 25/04/2014 13:34

I do think that a lot of people like her because of her money as well as her looks. She has lots of nice things; very beautiful clothes, a beautiful nursery for her baby, holidays to the Maldives (complete with photos of her posing in her designer bikinis).

OP posts:

Summerbreezing · 25/04/2014 13:57

Jeeze, she sounds like the last person I'd want to be friends with .

sparechange · 25/04/2014 14:17

One of my good mates is the local Alpha mummy. People clammour over themselves to talk to her at the school gate, she gets unsolicited invitations to go on holiday with other parents, her DD gets hundreds of playdate invitations

She is pretty, but not supermodel looks. And she has a lovely house, but not Elle Decco material.
She is just a genuinely nice person, who has a brilliant way of avoiding politics (she puts on a slightly airhead I-don't-even-notice-what-is-going-on approach which totally disarms anyone trying to be a bitch) and loves rolling her sleeves up to help people.

deplorabelle · 25/04/2014 14:28

Rowna don't let that put you off. I would have pants on the lounge floor and rice krispies in the bathroom but people like to come round to laugh

I used to think looks totally unimportant but now I think there is something to be said for making a bit of an effort. I just mean to try to wear colours that don't clash or even just look smiley rather than grumpy. More and more I appreciate other peoples efforts to look nice (and try to do the same when I can be arsed) as it is another way of making the world a nicer place

I would say on the whole the very old ladies at my church who wear pretty colours and jewellery are more popular than those who don't....

PersonOfInterest · 25/04/2014 14:38

From your description I wonder if people are more attracted to the money.

Rich people often seem popular - especially men.

I don't know anyone anything like the woman you describe. I don't like her from your description though. Photos of expensive handbags on FB sounds crass.

I do think beautiful/handsome people can be quite compelling. Not necessarily popular IME.

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