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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm absolutely crazy?

32 replies

LoveableWeirdo · 12/04/2014 22:29

It's taken a lot of courage for me to talk about this issue even anonymously. I cannot seek professional help at this point for a variety of reasons and therefore if anyone has been through something remotely similar to what I am about to describe, please share your experiences by posting here or sending me a message.

I have a severe phobia of something (can't talk about what it is) to the extent that I've changed life goals because of this phobia.

Bizarrely I also find myself getting aroused by thoughts of this very phobia. I've gradually reached the stage where I can't get any sexual pleasure without thinking about the very thing that terrifies me.
:( :(

I apologise if this was too personal to share here or too strange for people to read. My intention is not to make anyone uncomfortable but to seek honest opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveableWeirdo · 12/04/2014 22:39

Should clarify that I have changed my name to post this for obvious reasons.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/04/2014 22:41

It's difficult to say without knowing what the phobia is?

I suppose fear brings an adrenalin rush in much the same way that sex does.

Therefore the two could possibly connect.

Original poster
LoveableWeirdo · 12/04/2014 22:43

I also read somewhere that this might be a subconscious coping mechanism whereby I am trying to make something less scary by sexualising it.
??

No idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveableWeirdo · 12/04/2014 22:44

I know that revealing what the phobia is would help people to answer better, but I just don't have the courage to do that. You'd think I was absolutely bonkers if I told you.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/04/2014 22:45

That's a possible answer I suppose...the making it less scary thing.

It could be that or adrenalin, who knows?

Original poster
LoveableWeirdo · 12/04/2014 22:47

It's been like this for 2 years now and I really want to know why this is happening. I don't want my sexual life being consumed by this phobia as well.

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 12/04/2014 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OwlinaTree · 13/04/2014 06:00

Could you do some therapy to deal with the phobia?

Jellaby · 13/04/2014 06:09

Getting aroused by the taboo is very common. Why do you think there are so many obscure fetishes out there?

All your brain is doing is seeking a more intense thrill after being desensitised to the usual - in the same way that if you want a lot of porn, you seek out more extreme content because the old content doesn't do it for you anymore.

Your brain is seeking this experience, and so is going for the biggest taboo your subconscious can think off. It is completely normal.

Though I would seek some help, even DIY, at home solutions for your phobia if it is that extreme.

Jellaby · 13/04/2014 06:13

And in the case of watching porn, the solution would be to go cold turkey, come back to porn in a couple of months and see if the lesser content was having the same effect as the extreme content. If not, you'd need longer away.

I can't say what the solution would be without knowing the phobia.

Have a funny feeling that it is an animal or a ballon though, but I've probably watched too many documentaries.

Deftones · 13/04/2014 07:44

The sexual arousal is either coping or adrenalin, have you researched CBT methods or what not that you can do at home to help lessen the phobia?

If you're worried about it taking over, help needs to be sought

Original poster
LoveableWeirdo · 13/04/2014 12:25

This has nothing to do with porn- it's not a porn addiction.

And it's not an animal or a balloon either. It's actually a process that I'm terrified of.

I have spoken to some specialists briefly but I see no point in CBT because I know I can never 'get over' this phobia. There are some things we just know about ourselves and this is one of them.

I'm happy to leave this phobia where it is but I don't want it taking over my sexual self.

OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 13/04/2014 13:07

No matter what it is, I'm sure people wouldn't think you bonkers...the thing about phobias is that they make no real sense to anyone but that person.

I don't get the thing about spiders or heights...no big deal whatsoever to me....but I'm terrified of pencil sharpeners (which admitting on here is a big thing!) which, if you think about it, is ridiculous, but that's phobias for you! Don't let it hold you back x

Fleta · 13/04/2014 13:23

This is completely not a professional opinion at all, but the first thing that sprung to mind was as to whether this "process" is something you come across on a day to day basis?

If not, I'd be tempted to not worry about overcoming the phobia itself but trying to separate the two. Is there a particular point of the process which arouses you or is it the feeling of fear itself?

FWIW - if this isn't too much information - I get aroused by something taboo (not illegal or involving anyone else) and use it when I'm masturbating. Its a sure fire way for me to orgasm. I dont' use it when I was with my husband and he doesn't know so I was able to separate - can you try that?

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 13/04/2014 14:45

Depends what the phobia is really, i doubt anybody would think you were bonkers

Original poster
LoveableWeirdo · 13/04/2014 22:19

It's not a process that I encounter on a daily basis, but it's a process that some people would say is a pretty normal part of life.

OP posts:
CrohnicallyChanging · 14/04/2014 08:27

Is it emetophobia by any chance (fear of vomiting)? If so, I wouldn't think you are bonkers as there are many sufferers (I am one). And I used to think I could never 'get over' it, partly because I didn't want to- I suppose I thought that if the fear went I would be more likely to vomit, which seemed pretty awful at the time (of course, if the phobia went then I guess vomiting more wouldn't bother me, but that didn't occur to me while I was gripped with phobia).

Luckily for me, since starting anti depressants for depression, they have had the interesting 'side effect' of reducing the phobia to the point where I guess it's no longer a true phobia- just an intense dislike. I can live my life without it constantly worrying me. So that might be a treatment option rather than CBT (or accompanying it).

If I'm on the right track, then I guess I can see why it could also be arousing. I guess it would be like a helpless princess/prince on white horse rushing to the rescue scenario. Or even similar to how some people have rape fantasies- they find imagining the lack of control to be arousing. Like Fleta I am also aroused by something taboo, and the taboo-ness is part of what is so arousing, I guess people who have affairs find that part of what is so attractive is the secrecy of it.

Of course if it's not emetophobia then ignore this entire post!

Burren · 14/04/2014 08:52

Another non-professional here, but it sounds as if part of you isn't happy to accept the phobia as something that can't be helped, if it's becoming something with an impact on your sexuality that is worrying you...? Or do you feel you can cope with its sexual side? Is it ok to feel aroused by the phobia, or do you find it confusing and upsetting?

I don't want to speculate on what your phobia is , but I have a friend who admitted to me recently that she had an entrenched phobia of penetrative sex - she and her husband do not do PIV - but also, confusingly for her, she finds rape fantasies arousing. It is something she's trying to deal with in therapy now, because they want to try to have a child (which is why she told me). In her case, the phobia is stopping her doing something she wants, but I think otherwise she would have been prepared just to live with it.

Original poster
LoveableWeirdo · 14/04/2014 20:42

I'm happy to leave the phobia where it is as I know I will never 'get over' it (I have tried). What upsets me and confuses me is that I get aroused only by thinking about the same process that terrifies me. So no, for me it's not OK to be aroused by this phobia and I do find it upsetting and confusing.

OP posts:
Coldlightofday · 14/04/2014 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MimsyBorogroves · 14/04/2014 20:52

Yes, I'm guessing it's the hindbrain thing of kicking in a massive adrenaline/fight or flight response - which is in turn giving you a rush of endorphins, hence being aroused.

Am intrigued to know what it may be, though.

HolidayCriminal · 14/04/2014 20:54

Are you sure your phobia is that unusual? I mean have you typed into Google

"phobia of sneezing" or whatever it is?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/04/2014 20:55

How do you know you can't get over the phobia? What have you tried?
Phobias are misdirected thought processes that become more entrenched with age. Somehow your sexual response has also become misdirected and the more it happens the more entrenched it will become. I really think you need to address the phobia here.

Lauren83 · 14/04/2014 20:59

I was wondering if it was emet as I have that phobia too, horrible phobia x

Coconutty · 14/04/2014 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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