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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH?

41 replies

DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 16:00

DH has just started a new job. He does have a training period and some exams to do, so he is under a bit of pressure. In general though, he finishes work around 2-3pm.

Am I wrong to be annoyed that he has gone to the pub every single day for the past fortnight after finishing work? I mean, I know he needs to bond with his new workmates and his job can be stressful. But every night? He gets home around 5-6pm after the pub, and DS (10 months) goes to bed at 7, so he hasn't been spending a lot of time with him in the week. Surely after work he'd want to come home and spend some time with his wife and son? (I'm a SAHM).

Maybe I'm just being the nagging wife. I wouldn't begrudge him going to the pub a couple of nights a week, but to me every night seems a bit excessive. (He doesn't get drunk or anything by the way). Just rang him to ask him to pick up milk and he is there again. Grrr.

Opinions?

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 03/04/2014 16:03

YANBU I would not be impressed either. Sounds like he is taking the piss a bit TBH.
As you say, a couple of times a week is more than enough - how often do YOU get to go out on your own without baby?

phantomnamechanger · 03/04/2014 16:05

Is your relationship otherwise in good shape? Is it your first baby and has he found it hard to adapt to fatherhood? Is he avoiding what he perceives to be aggro at home? Does he do his share at weekends?

blahblahblah2014 · 03/04/2014 16:05

You sound like you are being far to reasonable to me - I would not be happy with this. Ask him outright why he doesn't want to come home to see you when he finishes and maybe agree to a day or 2 a week where he socialises?

BaronVonShush · 03/04/2014 16:07

Yanbu.

That is all.

AskBasil · 03/04/2014 16:12

He has drunk alcohol every single day for a fortnight?

Euuuuurgh.

YANBU. He sounds like a pisshead tbh. And a very neglectful husband and father.

emuloc · 03/04/2014 16:13

Maybe you should take it in turns to go out. You work out the days between yourselves.

Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 16:15

phantom I don't really go out a lot, maybe once a month. Saturdays are our "family day" where we have days out with DS, but it is usually me who gets up with him in the morning etc.

Glad I'm not BU. It's annoying me.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 16:16

AskBasil he hasn't on the weekends, if that makes a difference! (Doesn't to me).

OP posts:
AskBasil · 03/04/2014 16:21

If it doesn't make a difference to you DPD, then it doesn't make a difference.

YANB the nagging wife. The nagging wife is a misogynist invention by men, to silence women's legitimate complaints. Women don't want to be her, so they shut up. But you really do have the right to complain, YANBU.

emuloc · 03/04/2014 16:34

OP I would just say he is not rolling in every night at 11pm is he? And you say you get up in the morning with your baby. Well so what, so do lots of other women. The issue here is how many times a week he is in the pub. Talk to him and tell him how you feel.

Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 16:35

Thank you. Guess we'll be having a conversation when he gets in.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 16:45

emuloc No, that's why I was wondering if I was BU. But I will be having a talk with him later.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 03/04/2014 17:40

DPD YADNBU your DH is for expecting you to put up with him frequenting the pub more than he frequents his own home during non-work hours!

AskBasil · 03/04/2014 20:03

Grin You're welcome Daisychain!

deakymom · 03/04/2014 20:22

go out do not be there when he rolls in wait for him to call you to find you and tell him i will be back for tea what are you cooking Grin

problem is you're always there enabling the behaviour

Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 21:03

Well, he was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing. I'm very pissed off to be honest.

OP posts:
Jolleigh · 03/04/2014 22:00

What has he said about it OP? If my DP went to the pub every day after work I'd be quite livid.

Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 22:34

He said that he is just getting to know his work mates, that today somebody offered to buy him a drink and he didn't want to say no. Hmm All the while feeding DS bits of cookie when he knew I was getting his dinner ready.

Angry
OP posts:
NoodleOodle · 03/04/2014 22:41

When you kiss him goodbye in the morning, tell him you're going out at three that afternoon, so you'll see him back at home at ten to, to do hand over of DC.

Jolleigh · 03/04/2014 22:42

LTB Wink

In all seriousness, going to the pub every single night goes beyond getting to know his work mates. How are his work mates out every night?! Who precisely is he working with if he's managed to find a group of people whose OHs are all ok with it?

violetlights · 03/04/2014 22:53

YANBU. Angry Tell him to get home early and you go out for the rest of the afternoon / evening. The sod.

Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 04/04/2014 16:31

He's done it again. I'm beyond pissed off now.

I don't know if his workmates have OHs or not, but surely some of them must have. He can't be the only one!

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 04/04/2014 16:37

Is he genuinely going to go every day just because people ask him? Just because he's asked does not mean he HAS to go every day.

OnlyLovers · 04/04/2014 16:40

He's taking the piss. I agree with Noodle.

myroomisatip · 04/04/2014 16:51

Any of his workmates female?