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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH?

41 replies

DiePeppaDie · 03/04/2014 16:00

DH has just started a new job. He does have a training period and some exams to do, so he is under a bit of pressure. In general though, he finishes work around 2-3pm.

Am I wrong to be annoyed that he has gone to the pub every single day for the past fortnight after finishing work? I mean, I know he needs to bond with his new workmates and his job can be stressful. But every night? He gets home around 5-6pm after the pub, and DS (10 months) goes to bed at 7, so he hasn't been spending a lot of time with him in the week. Surely after work he'd want to come home and spend some time with his wife and son? (I'm a SAHM).

Maybe I'm just being the nagging wife. I wouldn't begrudge him going to the pub a couple of nights a week, but to me every night seems a bit excessive. (He doesn't get drunk or anything by the way). Just rang him to ask him to pick up milk and he is there again. Grrr.

Opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 04/04/2014 16:52

I'm not even bothered about having some time off myself. What bothers me is that he's at the pub instead of spending time with DS.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 04/04/2014 16:55

myroom - I think there is one. He is in a very male oriented job (engineering). I have no doubt that he is in the pub, I've heard the background noise when I rang. I don't know if the female colleague is there or not.

OP posts:
Linguini · 04/04/2014 16:56

The best advice is to make arrangements at the time you would expect him home (after work, not drinking) and explain he needs to be back 10-to, to take care of his child!

Did he drink daily before he started this new job? This won't stop unless u nip in in the bud early on. He's totally avoiding his fatherly responsibilities.

MamaPain · 04/04/2014 16:56

2-3pm is quite early as a finish. What I expect is that his workmates have partners who work so don't have any issue with someone getting him at 5-6pm.

I think you should try saying OK as its the first few weeks but you will not be accepting it this much in future. I'd also start making appointments so that he needs to be home as it sounds like he's never said no and is just getting into the habit. Break the cycle.

Jolleigh · 04/04/2014 17:04

He's done it again after you spoke to him? I don't see how that could be anything other than him taking the piss royally.

Don't be there when he strolls in and don't leave a note. Go and make an afternoon of something with your DC.

I don't think I've ever known a single person who's gone to the pub after work every single day for weeks.

myroomisatip · 04/04/2014 17:05

Do you know which pub? Is it far? Could you possibly go and wait in the car park and see who he leaves with?

Sorry. But I have read so much on MN I am very cynical these days.

IME it is totally unnecessary to 'get to know' colleagues outside of working hours, especially two weeks running. He is taking the piss and possibly/probably lying.

Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 04/04/2014 17:12

I think I know the pub, he has pointed it out before. It's about a 20 minute walk. I'm giving DS tea at the moment. The annoying thing is, by the time he gets in its usually DS bath time.

I've got a play date with a friend and our DCs tomorrow. Won't be asking him along at this rate. Mind you, he probably wouldn't be bothered these days.

OP posts:
Jolleigh · 04/04/2014 18:52

You say he's not out late...if he's finished by 2 or 3 and isn't back until you bathe your DC, he's spending a good few hours at the pub each night. Does he actually see your DC?! I'm really quite angry on your behalf OP.

Tryingtobetidy · 04/04/2014 18:55

He obviously thinks the pub is better than spending time with his DS Sad

Original poster
DiePeppaDie · 04/04/2014 19:05

He's not back yet. Asked him what time he would be back and he said "I'm not sure".

DS in bed. Gonna have a large glass of Wine and a soak in the bath. Sad

What would you all do?

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 04/04/2014 19:08

I would just ask him how long he intends to continue going to the pub every evening while neglecting his partner/wife and child because you're v unimpressed. And then wait for him to speak ...

Tryingtobetidy · 04/04/2014 19:17

I would tell him to marry the bloody pub

LittleDonkeyKong · 04/04/2014 19:37

I wouldn't even be talking to him. I would stop mentioning it and stop suggesting doing "family Saturdays" and see how long it takes him to figure out what a complete arse he is being and step up to the plate and act like a grown up.

Jolleigh · 04/04/2014 21:28

I have to say, I wouldn't be offering any kind of alternative family time either. If it were me I'd either have it out with him properly and ask what the fuck he's playing at (and how much of the disposable budget he's spending) or I'd ensure I was out every evening when he finally chose to come home (maybe stay with friends/parents for a week?)

Or, option 3, call him back and tell him not to bother coming home as he's proven for the last 2 weeks that he doesn't want to be there.

MichaelaS · 04/04/2014 21:57

Or turn up at the pub at 3.30, hand over the baby and the changing bag and tell him (loudly and in front of his new colleagues) that as you have done late afternoons / early evenings for the past x weeks tonight it is his turn, you will be home 15 minutes before baby's bedtime.

Then leave.

ChasedByBees · 04/04/2014 22:04

I would find a way to shock him out if his complacency.

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